How do I keep my bestfriend when I dont like her boy friend?

Question

I have been best friends with this girl for 8-9 years and we have always been like sisters. Well within the last year she has gotton a new boyfriend that she met on the internet, everytime I talk to her she is whining about what a d**k he is. Also everytime I or my husband have meet him he is a real douche bag... I told her the other day that I didnt like him and now she is all mad at me and sais if I cant be friends with him then I cant talk to her. But how am I suppost to pretend to like him when all I ever hear is how miserable he makes her and how he cant even hold a job, she has to be the man and woman in the house hold.
She sais she loves him but I know that she isnt happy other wise she wouldnt always be fussing about him. I am not asking her to choose him over me, I just dont wonna be buddy buddy with him. How do I get her to remain friends with me without me liking him........

Answer 1

This may not make sense, but when you attack her boyfriend, she feels like you are attacking her. She is forced to defend herself, and that creates friction between you. This doesn't have to be all or nothing. When she complains to you about him, it's her trying to talk herself out of the relationship, but when you jump in and attack him, she feels like you're calling her stupid for being in the relationship. Change your tactic. Instead of jumping on the hate the boyfriend bandwagon, explore how she feels, and if she has any action in mind. She might be terrified of trying to break it off, for fear of what he'll do. Please don't abandon her, that is what he wants, and if he can chase away her friends, he'll have total control. Don't attack him, listen to her, sympathize with her, let her decide that it's a crapfest. Sometimes the strongest message can be delivered by saying nothing. Stay calm. Let him be the bad guy. As long as you're attacking him, he can say, all they ever do is attack me, why are you still friends with them?

Good Luck

Answer 2

Well, talk to her about it. tell her exactly what you wrote here. good luck :)