We are planning a garage sale, but there is one huge problem. Any advice?

Question

I wish i could pick up my house and shake it on it's side to get rid of all this stuff, but I can't. I suggested to my dad that we have a garage sale. I've asked a couple times before, but we've been too busy. Now that he's agreed, along with my sister, we're planning to have a sale. This would go along fine and smooth but there's a problem.
My mother is a huge hoarder, and when I ask her to help out, she get's defensive and angry. She says things bitterly like "Leave me alone" and "Why are you bothering me?". She has a job, but other than that she just cooks, watches TV, checks email/ebay and reads. She is a huge reader, our house is filled with books.
Most of our stuff is hers, so it's hard to tell what to sell without asking her. We might have to avoid asking her at all, anything to get our house clean! If anyone has any advice, PLEASE help us out. We desperately need this!

I completely understand how she feels about hoarding. I've done it myself, but ive gone through therapy.

I hear what some of yall are saying by buying her organizational items, but every 11 rooms in our house (not including closets) is filled with her stuff. It's not fair to me, my sister, and my dad to have to live in a storage unit. My dad goes along with it because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. And gets mad when i tell them the truth.

Answer 1

Have her watch a couple episodes of "Clean House" . I think it's on TLC. Lots of people on this show who hoard and have a hard time letting go of "things" or "clutter", find themselves extremely satisfied with the end result.

Answer 2

I think this is a good project, (cluttered homes can be terribly dangerous in a house fire) but your mom needs delicate handling. It sounds like she often tries to escape from the here-&-now. (maybe she has depression ?) ... I'd suggest you ask her to set aside the special items -- not the "just-in-case" ones, & not the ones she got "because it was on sale" -- the ones that are special to her; videotape her with each one, describing each object & why it's special to her. make it casual, like an interview with someone you love. Then ask her (off camera) what fate would make her most at ease about each item . Would she want this in a museum ? would she want this to go into your cousin's house? would she want that to be recycled? honor her wishes. Later, at the garage sale, take a polaroid photo of the people who buy each of the special items, posing, smiling, holding that special item; and put the photos in a scrapbook so she can look at it any time & see that the thing wasn't "just tossed", it is being appreciated, it is doing somebody some good. That way she can still enjoy the memories. You already know what your own reward will be: an orderly home. What reward does she want ? find out. Does she want more books ? okay -- but first she has to "make room for more" (that's easier to hear than "get rid of some stuff" !)

Answer 3

The problem is not" the stuff"! The problem is WHY the stuff?
You said "anything to get our house clean!" Clean and Cluttered and Hording are diffrent things. If the problem is you want it to be clean I suggest a great web site that will help www.flylady.com Clutter is a diffrent thing.Help your Mom get things organized and in the process she will most likely discard some things. Hoarding is another thing.This is an addiction and having a Garage sale or throwing things out, against your Mom's will is going to make things worse. I suggest you try to understand your Mom by doing some research on the web on hoarding. You will get some insite to what the real need is and how to Help your Mom. She needs understanding and mybe professional counseling. I speak from personal experience.The garage sale is the last step not the first step.Hope this helps. Good Luck!

Answer 4

She might just not want to be bothered by the task of deciding what to let go and what to keep. Sometimes its hard to let something go that you have held onto for a really long time. While at the same time you would never know it's gone.

Ask her if you could go through her stuff and only put out things that you know she has not even looked at in years. Stress the fact that she most likely will never even know they are gone.

You might even want to offer to get her a few new books with the money that is made.

Well hope I could help!

Answer 5

I think you need to tell your Mom honestly how bad you feel about how the house looks. Perhaps you could box up stuff and then get her to look at it before it goes out to the yard sale. You have to realize that it is your parents home and they have to live together, so it may not go your way. You are not your parents, and some day you will have a house of your own to keep neat and tidy and clutter free if you choose to. Yard sales are a lot of work, so good luck and get organized.

Answer 6

Begin by putting like things in boxes,paperback books,hardback books etc. Try to set up the yard sale on as many tables as possible. If your mother sees everything cleaned up in your house she may not want to bring anything back in. She will at least have the options og looking at the yard sale tables and bringing back in what she wants.If you can't convince her to sale, ask about putting things in cardboard boxes ands toring them in an out of the way place, if she doesn't use them in a year get rid of it.

Answer 7

Just tell her that you are planning a garage sale and that if she didn't want to get rid of her books that she needs to do something w/ them, I mean for cryin out loud you only need to read a book once, so what's the use in keeping it. If she does not reply and you feel guilty about selling them, just put them into some plastic storage containers and label them "Mom's Books" and set them outside, or in somesort of storage.

Answer 8

Do what they do on Clean Sweep. Move everything outside. Then make her go threw things and put in pile keep, sale, toss. Then help her go thru the keep pile again and again. Then move things back. You can't sell what isn't yours. If you move it out of the house and see how big of pile she has she might want to trim it down.

Another idea is anything she hasn't used over a year sell except keepsake items.

You need her corporations with this

Answer 9

Don't expect her to sort through her stuff. When some people physically handle their things, they get caught up in the memories and can't make a decision about each piece. It can be very stressful. Ask her permission for you to do the sorting. If that doesn't work, ask if she can decide yes or no about each piece as you physically handle it.

Answer 10

I suspect you live at home. I wonder for how much longer? I also note that you admit being a packrat to some degree, and that might not go away, but it isn't a sin.

Acceptance, tolerance, and some compromise might help,and even asking MOM what her EMOTIONAL attachment to THINGS is all about?

Not knowing at all, her background, perhaps she grew up very modestly, and now enjoys holding on in some form of fulfillment and affirmation? Perhaps she grew up in bounty and just takes it for granted that STUFF is, and nothing much to worry about.

More importantly it's really more an issue your father should address,,,If he cares. Obviously you care, and would like to effect change, but maybe THEY are Ok in their clutter?

Finally, and with no offense at all...Did either MOM or DAD ever tell you to clean up your room? AND didn't you feel like there were things you wanted to hide rather than get rid of?
OR just go with the flow until they stopped nagging? Smile