HELP! I'm stuck with my life ?!?

Question

I 20 years old and i was a bulling vicitm from 5 to 8th grade of my grade school. Then came high school and for the first 2 years i was verbally abused by 4 class idiots. I have erected a wall around me so nobody can hurt me that much any more. Dont get me wrong , i have quite a number of good friends, most of them from that class. Over the years i became introverted, shy , stuck up, very serious boy who flares up when somebody verbaly challenges me. I dont have strong personality and my friends know that , they are good people who whis me all the best but I know that they don't respect me as much as they wolud if I was a strong personality. I didnt had a grilfirend cause of that and. I'm simply afraid that I wolud reject her with my anti-social behaviour. What to do , how to overcome all of this ??

PLEASE just don't write answers like "just be/love yourself" or "go to therapy" . I wish to fix these problems on my own.

TNX .

Answer 1

I'm glad I saw your question.

You're at least halfway to solving your problem. Just remember that in life, the first 90% of the job takes 10% of the time, and the last 10% takes 90% of the time.

I remember getting stuffed in lockers. I remember fighting back, too. But at some point, you have to take on protective coloration. Other animals do it, and it makes perfect sense for us, too.

Because you're dealing with other "animals" who feel challenged by you, it's safer to become a "beta male" and mope on the perimeter of the herd while the "alphas" control the action. Go ahead, watch as they destroy each other slowly. It may take years, but it will happen. You have learned how to survive. Just don't get used to the beta thing and always remember every dog has his day.

As far as therapy goes, I'm tired of people who think that healing always comes from the outside. Strength is only built from within. Yes, a certain amount of interdependence is a good social lubricant - remember that, or you will never really be able to deal with people.

You've been hurt, but the power to heal is always there inside you. Don't become too dependent, because most people can relate to your situation and will help if they think you have the potential to stand on your own some day. If you are too weak to stand, they will leave you to yourself because they don't want to be dragged down with you. Remember that, too.

To summarize:

(1) The sun shines on every dog's butt some day.
(2) It's OK to need people some.
(3) Make sure they don't think you need them too much.

Good luck - you're half way there.

Answer 2

You don't say if you are a student or have a job. If you have gone from high school into a job, you need to find a career instead. When you are successful in your work, you will gain self esteem from that. You need to let go of the bullying. You can be sympathic to other regarding it but put it behind you. My brother was bullied in grade school and he was afraid to go to his class reunion because of it. He went. And you know what? Those bullies didn't even remember him or what they did to him. Likely the same would happen with you. Those bullies have probably gone on to crummy jobs and they only feel good by making someone else feel bad. So, you will be able to overcome this if you begin to believe in yourself. First start with a career. Put your entire self into it. Then when you have that conquered, you should join some clubs where you can meet other people in your age group and with the same likes. Then and only then, involve a girl in your life. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Just try to tap into what you like to do. Maybe just talk about yourself a little. I'm sure you do have a lovely personality. Just don't be afraid to talk about you a little. You don't have to come on strong. Some people are just more conserved. Hope that works for you! :)

Answer 4

try to calm down. i still have really bad mood swings now and again. no one is a angel. but you dont have to play the hard @## card all the time. my x use to tell me to grow up snd i found out real fast that i dont have too go down too anyones level just to yell at them. i mean yea once in a blue moon you will snap.just like i do still. Your bold and strong but you still have a soft side. but try to calm down if somthings getting you mad. better yet get away from it.if its not helping you its hurting you. so get away from it. chill out with your friends more is a big help. you dont have too tell them why. just go to the mall or somthing and chill

Answer 5

Talk to God, Fall to your knee's and give yourself to God, and trust and God, and join a Church, and trust that God can make your life better, remember most of all this is the number 1 rule, God loves you!