To have children or not?

Question

I have been married for 10 years. I am 31 and I am beginning to feel the pressure to have children. Because I am a teacher, I really don't feel the need to have children of my own and I think I could live my life without them. My husband and I worry that when we are older we might regret not having children. I am just unsure what to do as my biological clock is ticking. I would REALLY like honest opinions from those who have decided NOT to have children or those who have children and really understand the issues around having them. Thanks!

Answer 1

I`m a teacher and I have a child ....and there is a huge difference in how I feel about my own child compared to the other children. I like the kids and am fond of them, but I don`t have that dizzy in the chest rush of love I feel for my own child (that`s as well as the "you are driving me totally crazy, shut up now before I strangle you feeling") You just feel for your own kids more (good and bad!)

I remember talking to a friend who asked me why I logically wanted to have a child. To her I said that there was nothing logical about it, it was an almost primitive urge. Logically I can think of more reasons against having a child than having one.
My sister and my friend, both married, have no desire to have children....and say they have no regrets about it. Neither of then had this feeling that they wanted to have children.
I had that feeling, and struggled for 4 years to have a child and gave birth at 35. For me, it was the most wonderful I have ever done. I have never regretted it.
My sister loves her role as adoring, special aunt to my daughter (who loves her right back) and to her other nieces and nephews. She doesn`t miss having her own child in her life. She is now 41, and doesn`t regret that she missed the chance to have children.

Answer 2

What I am wondering if your husband is on the same page as you are with not wanting children right now.

You both are already worrying about what you two will be missing out when you get older, don't you think that what you said, that is your answer? You are not getting any younger, but getting older. Plus, regretting something that you didn't do will be a BIG regret to you both that your marriage might have problems and then the blaming starts to creep in both of your lives. You wouldn't want that would you?

You say you are a teacher and you are around kids all day long, wouldn't it be wonderful to come home and be with your own children that you and your husband can teach and love 'together'? But this time around your child will be yours and your husband and no one else. That will be the only difference.

Yes, the clock is ticking!

Only bring children into your lives when you want to have them there with you, to nourish them, teach them, cradle them, comfort them, laugh with them, feed them, change their diapers, watch them grow, and to love them.

The clock is ticking.

Answer 3

I am also a teacher and a 29 year old woman. I also am in the same boat as you. I do not have the urge to have children and my husband understands. We have also thought about the future and the disappointmeant we may have because we have chosen not to have kids, so we decided on this. That we would let nature take its course. Whatever happens happens. If we were ment to have kids then we will, if not then that's fine too. We are just going to enjoy life together. Hope this lets you know that you are not alone and only you can decide what is best for you and your family.

Answer 4

Having kids is hard even when you do want them. If you are unsure at all, I would say hold off. Even if you pass your time to have a baby of your own, you can still adopt a child later who is in need of a loving home.
Kids take a lot of time, patience and energy. You can't come home and just skip dinner and go to bed early. They are incredibly needy all the time. They are also extremely expensive. I'm not trying to scare you off, just being truthful.
On the other hand, there is not a relationship more loving or rewarding than that of mother and child. I have three boys and wouldn't trade them for the world. They are awesome all the time.
So there you have it, both ends of the spectrum. Good luck in making your decision!

Answer 5

You won’t regret it.

I had a vasectomy 20 years ago, with no children. My long-term girlfriend had her tubes tied 8 years ago, with no children. We know others that did so because we are members of a “No Kidding Club”. My cube-mate, and some of my co-workers did the same. We are all in our 30’s and 40’s. Not a single one, of us, regrets it.

The, so called, regret, comes from society pressure. Just think about how much better your life will be if you don’t have children. Ignore the nonsense that society pushes on you.

As far as I am concerned my vasectomy was the best 22’nd birthday present ever!

Answer 6

My husband and I talked about having children BEFORE marriage. We chose not to and I have never regretted it. The people that I know who have children are under a lot of stress. I think once I heard that 70 percent of people who have children, if they had a chance to do it over would not do it. Guess that is why sex is so grand- it helps keep the species going.
It is probably hormonal that you have a desire now. This will pass.
Go out have fun enjoy your free time and while you are having fun ask yourself do I want to give this up for a child who may be ungratful, or worse yet have special needs.
If you do choose to have a child, please do not feel like you must have another so he or she will not be an only child.

Answer 7

wow you know what i absolutely say HAVE THOSE BABIES!!! i am 19 years old and have an 18month old and a 2week old. I cant imagine my life without my two angels. by the time im 31 God knows how many children ill have haha! i love kids and i love the honesty in their eyes so innocent! their a huge responsibility and a lot of hard work but their the kind of hard work you want to deal with i cant explain it! and you say your a teacher and that basically those kids you see everyday fulfill the need for children well its not the same thing as having ones of your very own its a completely differnt feeling! all in all you should have children and not miss out on the blessing!

Answer 8

i know how you feel , i have been married for 6 years and we dont have kids. we are almost 30 and starting to feel pressure of having kids. we first said we would and then as time went by we decided no.. but i am thinking the same thing will i regret it later .. i think you should go with your heart.. if you feel there is a void in ur life that can be filled with children go for it. I am sure you would make a great mother...
talk it over more with your husband and outweigh the pros and cons... good luck!!! i am here if you need to talk you can email me anytime. go with your heart

Answer 9

I can't tell you anything but my own experience here, so here goes...
I am a mom. I have 4 children of my own, and I also have 5 step-children. I've been a mom since I was 15. I have gone to college and I work at home for our family business. I can't honestly picture my life without the children in it. To me they helped me to become a better person. Watching them grow and encouraging them in return encouraged me to be the best example I can for them. I feel the children have enriched my life and they bring me so much joy and love that I sometimes feel I will burst from it. I wouldn't change my decision in having them if I was given the choice.

Answer 10

I am a mom of two. They are the light of my life. I always knew I wanted children. Family is important to me. Until you have a child, you can't imagine the love between parent and child.

However, as a mom, I am asking you please be sure you want children before you have them. There are far too many people in this world who have children they don't want. It breaks my heart. Children aren't like puppies, you can't change your mind or return them.

When you have children, you can't be selfish. Everything is about the children. What is best for them. It is the best job in the world, but it isn't for everyone.

I know a teacher who had children (I'm not sure why exactly, but felt she was expected to) and she is not really concerned about them. They are provided for, but she is self centred and concerned more about her students than her own kids. She looks like she stepped out of a magazine and her kids look like they fell out of the hamper.

If you are going to have children, make sure it is for the right reasons. It is a lifetime commitment.