My husband and I have been married for sixteen years and he makes major decisions on his own such as buying a home and $20,000 vehicles without discussing it with me or letting me have any say. I feel disrespected. We still have seperate bank accounts and visa cards too. He is good about paying the bills but if something happens to him I would be responsible for them because I am married to him and I can't afford these things on my income. Agree or disagree with his behaviour? I have always worked full time and took care of the kids and house. I think I have earned my place as a partner.
2007-03-27 13:01:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh wow. That is soooo completely wrong. Talk about a major power trip. I would never do that to my wife. I bought a 40$ drafting table for my daughter and she got mad at me. Go figure that.
There has to be a little compromise here. You are his partner and more important you are his wife. His money is your money. Your money is his money. The house by himself? Wow.
2007-03-27 13:10:19 · answer #1 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the exact same way, except he is terrible about paying the bills!!! Be thankful he is at least doing that!!!
I understand why you feel disrespected, and you should!! He is treating you as though your opinion doesn't matter, and putting you in a potentially bad situation financially! I can only assume you have had this discussion with him! I wish I had the answer for you! Have you tried going to a marriage counselor? Maybe if you get a third party involved they will be able to wake him up. It sucks, I know this first hand, but unfortunately unless he sees where he is wrong, it won't change! I don't think it has anything to do with his "bachelor ways", I think is is just selfishness and the inability to grow up!!
2007-03-27 13:11:42 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you've put up with it for 16 years then he probably thinks you're ok with it. You should sit him down and tell him how you feel. Point out that it bothers you when he doesn't discuss big decisions with you beforehand. If he still won't change, look into life insurance coverage and have him check and see if his employer offers accidental death and dismemberment coverage. If you get sufficient coverage then if you do end up taking care of him or outliving him, you won't be swamped under an avalanche of bills. That's what it's there for...to help the surviving spouse make ends meet.
2007-03-27 13:12:43 · answer #3 · answered by okwriting 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You teach people how to treat you. Obviously for the last sixteen years, you have let him do this.
Personally, my husband and I do not purchase anything over $200 before discussing it together. That way we don't get pressured into a purchase and we think about whether we really want it or not.
My husband is an impulse buyer and I am not. It works for us, but we both follow this rule.
Your husband should have insurances on so that if anything happened to him, you would not be financially burdened.
2007-03-27 13:09:22 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and tell him this is a problem. Offer to go and help pick out the new cars. Marriage is about communication, but is sounds like you should have done this many years ago. He is probably not going to change and it will continue to cause problems. Is it worth the fight? You can sell those items or let them go back to the bank, if something would happen to him.
2007-03-27 13:08:24 · answer #5 · answered by Shanna h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should discuss it but with his mindset I would WANT seperate accounts in case he bought something stupid. He needs to understand your not belittling or second guessing him but as his wife you NEED to be able to reason with him about decisions. He may feel immasculated (unduelly i might add) about sharing responsibility. I know I did at first cause my mom was overbearing and I liked being independent then had to adjust to having a woman in on my decisions again and in a different manner. I immediately hated it cause i felt she was gonna belittle and insult my money skills like my mom did when i was a teenager but my wife respects me and that makes all the difference so I ask her advice on everything.
2007-03-27 13:07:55 · answer #6 · answered by Jim_atthedrive-in 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to stop being self centered and let you into his world. Sixteen years is plenty long enough for him to have adjusted to married life. Maybe he acts this way because you have allowed him to do it. If you let him know it isn't going to be like that anymore he should start respecting you and sharing things. You have been married long enough you are the bread winner in other ways and more courts should recognize this sacrifice women make for their families.
2007-03-27 13:24:53 · answer #7 · answered by nutnut1957 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would ask him to see a counselor with you that specializes in financial counseling (finances are a HUGE reason that marriages fail). If he's not including you in the major decisions, he doesn't consider you his partner or equal as far as the finances go. This needs to get worked out NOW before he finds himself in love with someone else, with funds to pay for a better attorney, who will surely divide all the marriage expenditures (cars, houses, etc.) in half- making you responsible for decisions you had no part of.
2007-03-27 13:06:35 · answer #8 · answered by Jacky S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you guys talk a lot?
If he makes decisions like this without even discussing it with you, then I get the feeling you two aren't communicating with eachother. That is a serious problem that can lead to other problems.
My advice is to start talking with him about things. And I don't mean jabber his ear off. I mean conversate. Let him talk to you. Find ways to get him to talk to you. Even if it means a romantic evening, or whatever, you two need to communicate.
2007-03-27 13:12:21 · answer #9 · answered by Trunkboy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do think that 16 years is NORMALLY, enough to change his bachelor mindset, but it seems that it is in his character, I guess you ve already triedtalking & in vain, just try to tell him that you feel marginalized when he takes such major decisions withoutyour consent & that this jeopardizes your marrital lofe.
Goood luck
2007-03-27 13:07:41 · answer #10 · answered by kitycat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋