Should I call my father?

Question

I'm 15 and i've never really met my dad. My mom and him got divorced when I was 3 months and my mom said he is New York but it could be possible that he is somewhere else or even in Costa Rica because that is where he is from. Last week or so I got into an argument with my mom becuase she said something about my real dad and i told her that she should've let me contact him along time ago and then she said I could because he is one call away. The thing is i'm kind of afraid because i don't know how I will react or what to say. Just no this won't be a nice conversation because this whole not knowing my father thing keeps me depressed and very angry at him and my mom.
Thanks

I'm afraid he might snubb me off. It just really pisses me off how neither of my parents ever tried to establish the relationship that is usually there. And it pisses me off that he lives with his other kids and wife but not me. I don't even know what he looks like.

I'm also afraid that he might've forgotten about me altogether, that would be embarrassing and I would go insanely depressed.

Answer 1

This will be a very big step for you and it could go either way so prepare yourself. Your father may openly welcome you into his life or he may not. It would be good if you could have a real heart to heart with your mom . Ask her what he is really like as a person and what kind of reaction she would expect from him. Remember , she knows him , you don't. Also, you shouldn't blame your mom for your dad not being there for you. Relationships are complicated and there could be a hundred different reasons why they have lived their lives apart.Whatever they may be , she did what she thought was right at the time.Good luck to you , I truly hope you find what you need : )

Answer 2

My parents divorced when I was very young. I had few memories of my biological father growing up. To tell you the truth, it really pissed me off as well. I was in the the same position you are. My father hit my mother(she probably deserved it) and that's why they divorced, SO my mother got full custody and my dad was the bad guy. My brother and I weren't allowed to contact him at all. I was and still am a little bitter. I have a lot of "what if" questions that will never be answered. But on the other hand, my mom remarried and I was raised by a good man whom I call dad. I did, however, contact my dad when I was seventeen. It wasn't what I had pictured. My biological father was a fun guy and i had a good time with him, but there really wasn't that father-son relationship I was hoping for. This left me feeling a little empty. Although I can now hang out and have a good time with him, it's like having another bar buddy, not a father. Soooo go ahead, give him a call, just try not to expect too much. Really, if he wanted contact, it would have been there. Sorry. Hope my experience has helped. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

Never grocery shop when your hungry.....Never make a first call to bio dad when your mad at MOM. Both would be a disaster. Everyone thinks the absent parent is rich or beautiful or just waiting around to here from you. In fact they are just like us, normal or average in every way. Remember your mom and dad were probably very young and didin`t know each other long enough to know if they were compatible. Call when you settle down with no big expectations. Don`t try to solve all the puzzles on the first call. By making a weekly or monthly call to him you will be able to BUILD a relationship or at least find out if you want one. Good luck and at 15 you will change your mind more than once so try to enjoy the life you have now, you won`t be sorry.

Answer 4

Its not your fault - that you and your mom and dad are not close. Nor is it your fault that they divorced- My guess is your mom was really hurt by your dad and possibly made him sign over all his rights to you- or maybe he could not afford to pay child support and had to sign over his rights. But believe me - there is no way he has forgotten about you- If he knew you were born - then he knows and remembers things about you- but I am sure that he has wanted to steer clear of your mom. Definately - and as protective as moms are - well he knew he best stay away- he knows that when you get older you will come to him if you care to see what he is like- and Most would - I would - and I think you should- dont worry about how to act or what to say - this man is no stranger to you and he will not hurt you like he may have hurt your mom- he loves you and thinks about you all the time- I would bet big money on it- men are so much different than women. Please contact him- maybe write to him first - but be honest and comfortable- this is your daddy ! but remember he also has others that he loves and its not gonna be easy but do not blame him for something that was probably more your moms fault than his anyway. but you do need your daddy- your real daddy- i am sorry that you have missed time with him already- I just lost my daddy a year and a half ago- he was everything to me- and he died. at 55. my mom always tried to keep me away from him and he was not a bad man- he wanted to give me a christmas present once and my own mom would not let him- so he waited until we left - he broke into our house and when we came back and went into the living room - SURPRISE - my brother and I were happy to get presents from our daddy- mom sure could have made this happen the easy way - but no that ***** - always had to do things like that- my dad told me later- that he just decided to stay away because he did not want to put me through a bunch of stuff. Later I went to live with him. Then I had a step mom problem - But any who- Go Get Your Daddy Ya know - after my daddy died - i found out that he left me beneficiary of 2 life insurance policys - which has bought me a house and cars and i could not believe that- i never knew he loved me that much- i wish he was here right now but he knows how much i love him cause I was there and so should you be okay - its not all his fault- he just didnt want to fight with your mom- and back then a judges always gave custody to the moms- always - please let him know you love him- please you will not regret it -

Answer 5

You could call him (since your mom said that he is one phone call away) but if I were you, I'd send him a letter (it can't be that much harder to find an address since you have a phone number...)
Send the letter so that he has to sign to receive it. Then at least you will have proof that he got it. Just say you are his son, you've always wanted to know about him and you have a phone number - let him call YOU whenever he wants to talk.
Then, DON'T wait for him to call. Just consider that you have done your bit to get in touch with him. If, in a year or two, you find it unbearable if he hasn't called, call him if the old phone number still works. It sounds like your mom knows a lot more than she is letting on.
I suggest the letter because you can enclose a picture of yourself too. And it take the pressure off a short phone call that takes him by surprise and may hurt your feelings if he honestly doesn't know what to say and handles it badly.
Good luck, honey!

Answer 6

hey,I'm 20yrs old and i was the feeling the same exact way as u at 15!he is also in newyork.i was 3 when they separated.i rebelled against my mother.(not good)i cryed a lot cuz everybody would tell me I'm his exact image so it made it worse on me.i blamed my mom for a lot of things that i shouldn't have done.i kept on being a pain inn her *** till one day i got in contact with him and left to new york to meet him."the worst thing iv ever done"i stayed there for almost a year and found out that everything my mother told me about him was true!he was happy to c me but he didn't really care about me!!!i was so hurt that i went against my mom for him.knowing that he never made an effort to find or meet me!there is more to this but ur going to have to do this on ur own so u can open ur eyes and c how ur father really is so u can let it go and feel better girl.its unexplainable how this feeling is.go ahead,do what u gotta do and learn from it!hopefully it goes well 4 u!one thing, ur MOTHERhas ALWAYS been there for u no matter what always give her that respect....goodluck

Answer 7

The more interesting question is WHY NOT? What could a person that knows nothing about you say to you that could possibly cause you harm or distress. Nothing...!!!! Even if he said mean horrible things, guess what? It means nothing aobut you and who you are as a person. So WHY NOT? Especially if not calling keeps you depressed. You really have nothing to loose. And if you dont call, whats probable is that how you are feeling now will just continue, and continue, and continue... etc. So I say absolutely call, and let him react however he reacts, and at the same time you really get that however it goes means nothing about you. And you may even be surprised how it goes.

Answer 8

being angry is expected but do remember that they did the best thing for you!!!! Go ahead and call your DAD Say hi let him know how you are and what your all about open that door for him to walk through, trust me he will,let the past be the past hold no regrets they divorced for a reason and you are not it remember that,you can't be mad at neither one which you re still Farley young so when you get older you'll realize what iam saying BUT YES call your dad NOW!!! Its critical to have your father in your life at this stage of your life!!

Answer 9

I think you should try to contact your dad maybe it is all the fighting with your mom why he stayed away maybe he just couldn't handle her drama. so thought it would be better for you not to be around that. call and remember to keep an open mind and heart. no matter what your mom or any1 says he is your dad and i'm sure he loves you

Answer 10

K I believe that making that phone call could be one of the scariest things to do, it is one of those things where you dial then hang up and dial again, but you really should just bite your lip and call. Even if he just snubbs you off, if you don't call you will wonder for the rest of your life what would have happened if you did. CALL HIM