I paid for my partner's abortion recently. It was a second trimester abortion and the cost was around $1300. My position is that we both are to blame for the unplanned pregnancy. She insists that it is entirely my responsibility. Prior to me giving her the money, she agreed to pay a certain portion of it back when she could afford it. Now she is backing out saying that it's my fault I didn't use a method of birth control. I have thought about telling her that it is also her fault that she didn't realise she was pregnant for 16 weeks.Is that reasonable? Anyway, if she didn't object to the lack of birth control prior to her pregnancy, is she right in shifting all responsibilty to me now? Am I justified in asking her to share the cost? Serious answers only please.
2007-03-27 12:01:32 · 19 answers · asked by asif k 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
If you are an anti abortion christain fanatic and want to get shitty with me here, go **** yourself. Only open minded people need answer.
2007-03-27 12:24:21 · update #1
I see by reading through alot of these answers that there are alot of strong feelings toward abortion. It is a very touchy subject. I to do not agree with abortions, I believe that you should be responsable for your actions and that abortion is the easy way out.
With that said, I do believe that you are both at fault for this. You both should pay in one way or another. Be thankful all you lost was your money. Think about what she had to go through physically. There were other options, for example adoption. There are so many loving couples out there that would love to have a baby.
The two of you should sit down and talk. Then discuss among yourselves a fair way to settle this. Start by acting as adults.
2007-03-27 12:30:04 · answer #1 · answered by mommy to 2 year old triplets 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
She has to take some responsibility also.
Just because you didn't use birth control, doesn't absolve her from the fact that she didn't use any either. She is responsible for her own actions, just as much as you are for yours. If, as you state, she consented to you not using any protection, she has not right to place full blame on you.
EVERY PERSON has the responsibility to practice safe sex if they don't want to suffer the consequences.
Forget the money, just go your own way. She's not worth the hassle. In the future, she will not accept blame for ANTYHING that may go wrong. It will always and forever be your fault.
Many people think only she has suffered from this. They've never actually been through it, have no basis for judging so and it couldn't be further from the truth. From experience, this will haunt you too for the rest of your life. You will never forget. At times you will actually hate yourself. I don't condone what the two of you did, nor crucify you. I do know first hand this was not an easy decision at the outset. The decision was made, the deed was done. Both of you are responsible from beginning to end and will live with the emotional scar the rest of your lives. There's a strong possibility the two of you will end up resenting each other. Been there, done that ... somehow ended up having a kid with the same person several years later ... go figure.
2007-03-27 19:16:43 · answer #2 · answered by mrnaturl1 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is easier for people to blame their problems on others and not fess up that they could have made a mistake also. It is deffenitly both parents responsibility.There are lots of forms of birth control the mother could have used, as well as you. ANd while it is possible to not know for 16 weeks, it isn't common to miss such a thing. That would mean you would have to miss 3 periods.
Perhaps she knew and was afraid to tell anyone??
if the abortion jsut happened recently you may jsut need to give her some time to cope with the decision but don't let her forget about it, she deffenitly shoudl share the cost and responsibility.
2007-03-27 19:14:28 · answer #3 · answered by slawsayssss 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should both have been responsible for contraception, the fact she is now saying it was your reponsibility is unfair. However your partner is now probably having a hard time, her hormones and emotions are probably all over the place after the abortion and she may be having feelings of guilt. She is going through the grieving process and part of that is blaming others. Try and be understanding, difficult as it may be since she seems to be unreasonable at the moment. If you give it time she may begin to start to see things in your perspective. You are justified in asking her to contribute towards the cost but i think you might have to write off the money you gave her for now.
2007-03-27 19:14:45 · answer #4 · answered by shaz 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes...you should have split the cost...but birth control isn't just a man's responsibility. but look at it this way...1300 now and that's it...if she had to have the baby it would have been 12 monthly payments for the next 18 years. Basically you are both to blame. Yes you are justified in asking her to pay half. It takes two to make a baby
2007-03-27 19:24:01 · answer #5 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I support you in your decision, we are not here to bash you on your decision.
Yes you are justified to share the costs. It takes two people to tango (sex) and if something comes out of that (pregnancy) both people are responsible.
I feel for you, it seems that she is trying to put the blame and pressure on you. I think from the woman point of view, coming from a woman who had one, maybe sit on the issue for a while. Just support her right now, because honestly, abortion is one of the hardest thing for any woman to go through. She is going through a lot of emotions right now, especially with having an abortion. Literally, her hormones are dropping like crazy. So after you have gone through a short waiting period (a week or two) then revisit the issue of her paying you back.
2007-03-27 19:08:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Wow. How ironic that I find this question today after I just found out my sister went and secretly had an abortion when I had it set to adopt her baby. Anyways, if it was both of your decision for her to end the pregnancy, then you guys should pay half. If it was only her idea, leave her high and dry. If it's said and done and she's demanding more money, **** her.
2007-03-27 19:06:40 · answer #7 · answered by Dizzy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well it's both your faults. you should b sharing responsibility for YOUR actions as in the actions of BOTH of you. there for she should b paying you back half of that money. and you might want to think of dumping her if shes trying to pin all of the responsibility on you. and yeah 4 Month's is a little far along to be just noticing your expecting but all woman are different.
2007-03-27 19:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by ~*These Blue Eyes Tell No Lies*~ 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Condom: $.50
Birth Control Pills: $20.00
Morning After Pill: $75.00
Medical Abortion: $200.00
Surgical 1st Trimester Abortion: $450.00
Partial Birth: $1300.00
Hauling her *** into court for an unpaid abortion debt:
PRICELESS.
2007-03-27 20:24:54 · answer #9 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are both equally responsible, but frankly, this doesn't sound like a "partnership." Bickering over the cost of an abortion? Have you considered the cost of her discomfort, emotionally, mentally & physically? Or how about the cost of child support for 18 years? Oh, don't forget the hospital bills too! Sounds like you got off easy with $1600.
Here it is, plain and simple: You are responsible for your own pregnancy prevention. Never expect anyone else to do it for you. And never expect anyone else to pay for your mistakes.
2007-03-27 19:09:13 · answer #10 · answered by brassinpocket 3 · 5⤊ 4⤋