I am involved with an individual that can be very kind, affectionate. He has strange moods. If I say for example"we need to talk" he gets extremely irritated and gets loud.
If we have discussed something and it needs further discussion he gets loud and states "We already talked about that. His idea of a discussion is like 2 sentences.
If I remind him of something he said that came across belittling, he says He didnt say it,,,if there was a wtiness he backs down.
He claims to have a bad memory but when it is to his benefit he does not forget.
I have tried to my wits end to talk and explain my position and he refuses or cant see my point,
He has committedroad rage and said sometimes you can control people.
I ahve occasionalyy wondered if he could get violnet but has not and says he never has. any diagnosis to this personality or what?
2007-03-27 11:58:44 · 10 answers · asked by ideame 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It could be a whole range of things (just look up a site that gives outlines of personality disorders) or simply a problem with anger, or even committment phobia (as far as the relationship part goes). He may feel like you are trying to control him and he can't handle it (even if you're not). He may have had trauma in his past that is contributing to this. Or, there are many other reasons that a person could act as you describe. You would almost have to be in his head, body, and know a lot about his past. People are so different. Perhaps there is nothing majorly wrong, he just needs to mature and learn how to handle things. But, it sounds really rough on you. As long as you know that your approach is healthy and you yourself are being fair, then you have to look at his behavior as a fact, in other words, he is who he is. He doesn't sound like he wants to change anything, and its impossible to change someone who isn't willing. But whatever you do, don't let his attitude make you doubt yourself. Just trust yourself, then you'll know what to do.
2007-03-27 12:14:03 · answer #1 · answered by m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"That CAN be very kind, affectionate." Is that behavior more outside the inner circle of you two? Think about it. I'm not sure that physical violence is as much a concern as the control factor here. Abuse comes in different ways other than physical - emotional and mental abuse can be more damaging over time. I know, I've been there. I talked, I said it will get better when, and of course he was always sorry and just a big teddy bear. After two children, 13 years of marriage and going from a strong, independent woman, - that he married - I am trying to pick up the pieces and it is not easy and is taking years.
I would hate to see you stay with someone who controls you. Relationships are to be built on trust, compassion, honesty, and friendship. It doesn't sound like you two can even talk to one another. I would recommend to get out now. If nothing else back off, have him make some changes. He either will or he won't. I don't mean the "OK, I'll do this for a few months and she'll get off my back" stuff either.
2007-03-27 12:22:31 · answer #2 · answered by Margaret K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No diagnosi for this personality but my advice for you is to get to stepping and do so quickly. I really do not see any good that can come if you remain with this individual. Sounds like a lose, lose situation either way.
2007-03-27 12:08:58 · answer #3 · answered by dyrrtysouthchyck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not appear that he has a big problem as you say he does. He just does not like being controlled or coerced by using sematics. Try not to use the term "we", because technically speaking you are making the decisions without his consent. If you were to say "What would you like to do?" Then his response may be different.
2007-03-27 12:06:09 · answer #4 · answered by Don't Know 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're over 18 get a role and transfer out. If matters are that dangerous name little one care protecting offerings. They will put off your brothers and placed them in foster care. Call your Dad and inform him what is occurring. Call any spouse and children you may also have got to help you stick with them.
2016-09-05 18:12:55 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he already has you walking on eggs so to speak! You have to watch what you say and when you say it, you cant resume a discussion with him, he cant or wont see your position on anything. A person does not have to be violent to be controlling -imagine dealing with childrens issues with this man.
2007-03-27 12:08:26 · answer #6 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, red flag. even if you love a person, once you are afraid that they may hurt, or in anyway harm you. you should get out of that relationship.
if he is just moody and has to always be right, that's one thing. but there is no good excuse for anyone to be with someone they fear.
get out while you can.
2007-03-27 12:09:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is abusive and self-centered. Things will not get better. They will get worse and is sounds as if violence is just waiting to happen.
You deserve better. Find a better life... without him!
2007-03-27 13:30:13 · answer #8 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have once dated an abusing guy. Beleive me, he's an abuser. His moods will only get worse the more he gets to know you. My advice: leave him.
2007-03-27 12:04:23 · answer #9 · answered by sunflowerdaisy94 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say get out while you can he sounds like a problem. So solve your problem get out.
2007-03-27 12:01:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋