I give birth in 2 weeks. My husband is allowed in there along with 2 others. I really would like my sister and my best friend to be in there with us. However, my step mom feels that she "needs" to be in there since she raised me since the age of 4. But honestly she was a very bad parent and very abusive. Although she has changed her ways over the years, i still hold onto that resentment. My best friend has been there for me for 14 years. She is like a sister too me. And as for my sister, well, she is a nurse and she is my sister, I love her dearly and want her by my side as well. Aparantly I have already caused "family" drama by telling my aunt that I already designated my birthing partners and that I can't allow her in the delivery room with me. Now the whole family is upset. My sister and best friend are the only ones who really understand.
How do you think i should approach my step mom in telling her that I don't want her there in the room with me when she is expecting to be?
2007-03-27 11:52:37 · 30 answers · asked by Deu 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I had told my mother in law and my mother that they could be in the room a long with my husband. As my pregnancy has progressed I decided I really just want it to be my husband and I. I told my mom and she took it rather well. I was very surprised! It sounds like you may have a harder time but you have to be honest with them and tell them who you want in there. Reassure them that they will be the first to come in and meet the new baby when it is born. Sorry you have to go through this and I hope it all goes well. When everything is said and done everyone will be so excited they will forget about hurt feelings.
2007-03-27 12:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by 1st time momma 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone seems pretty unaminous--- your step mother does not belong there because YOU did not invite her! In her own way, she is still being abusive and a bad parent if she makes you feel badly or stressed because you have not chosen her to be with you at this very intimate time.
I am a midwife, and childbirth assistant (coach), as well as having had 6 homebirths myself. Our bodies function in very primitive (natural!) ways while birthing-- Animals are not able to give birth if they are too stressed, and we can have the same thing happen; labor can be slowed etc. It is very important that as much as possible your environment is peaceful and you feel the love and support of those you have with you. (And yes, your birth attendants SHOULD have some kind of preparation so they can actually assist you in breathing, staying calm etc.)
You will be hyper-sensitive to disturbances, and having someone around who generates negative emotions is not good. I've had to order certain nurses out of the rooms of a couple of my laboring Mom's due to their uptight natures and the negative effects on the Mom--- who is #1 in all this!!! Even more than your wedding day, everything should be just as YOU want it!
Just hang tough on this--- don't let her manipulate you. If it makes her angry, so be it--- When your baby is born you're not going to let her be in charge and make all the decisions either, so she might as well start realizing it now.
Have a WONDERFUL birth with those people you love most in the world!
God bless you!
PS Maybe give her some 'important' job to do--- like calling all the relatives to tell them you're in labor so they should pray for you--- or have her call them afterwards to tell them about the baby. If there's another grandmother, they can wait together! Fair is fair.
2007-03-27 12:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by Rani 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The hospital I delivered my son in did not have a limit on the number of people who could be with me, and I'm lucky to be blessed with many close friends and relatives who wanted to be there to support me. However, my labor turned out to be very difficult and very prolonged and it was not long before began to regret accepting everyone into the room. Towards the end I wanted everyone out except for my boyfriend and my best friend, who are the two people I'm closest with. But they all stayed (there were 3 other people and a few people who came and went as well). My point is, sometimes you don't know who you want there until the time comes, and too many people, though they mean well, can be a distraction (not the good kind). The birth of your child is about you, your husband and the baby, not about your Step Mother....good luck.
2007-03-27 12:05:28 · answer #3 · answered by ikaphant 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't want anyone in the room with me while giving birth if i had even the slightest problem with them. It wouldn't be very comfortable. So i would say tell your step mom the truth. Just tell her why you want the two you chose to be in the room with you. And that it will just be more comfortable for you that way. Hey this is YOUR day not anyone Else's! So you are the one who should have the say in what goes on 100%, no exceptions! She and your family will get over it! If they wanna cause a family feud over something so trivial then it sounds like THEY have some growing up to do. Good Luck
2007-03-27 12:11:10 · answer #4 · answered by KSH 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hubby will be there. Sister will be there. BFF will be there.
Ooops!! Thats all the hospital will allow. Sorry, step-mom, but rules are rules. Maybe next time.
God, its not like they won't be able to see your baby afterwards! Tell them to act like the mature adults they portray to be. It is YOUR baby, YOUR birthing, YOUR choice. If you are the most comfortable with these people and only these people, then that is what is best for you. You are not on this Earth to make everyone else happy. They will have to understand this, if not immediatly, then over time.
2007-03-27 12:04:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her outright that this is who you want in there. They will all have to get over it. Back in the day not even the FATHER was let in. It has become too crazy with letting in the whole family in. The fewer the better. It is less stress on you. You don't owe anyone anything. I told my mom that it was only going to be my husband and she understood and so should your step mom
If she doesnt want to listen the doctor can also inform anyone who tried to come in that no one can come in (IN A POLITE WAY)
Do what is best for you
2007-03-27 11:58:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just show her a copy of the policy and explain to her that you want to have people who can keep you motivated and calm during the delivery. I work in L&D and I give the policy out to mulitple family members so they know ahead of time. Explain to them that there is a limit in case there is an emergency so the staff can get in the room and get you out as quickly as possible. Trust me I've seen it all the time, once the baby is born and they are allowed to see you all of that resentment will go out the window. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!1
2007-03-27 12:12:38 · answer #7 · answered by polish_princess_26 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My hospital allows me to have as many people as I want, but I decided to only have my husband. My mom had been expecting to be there. I just sat down and told her what we had decided, and stuck to my guns. She was really upset, but she is starting to come around. Explain to her why these two people are important to you, and don't let her force you into anything you don't want. If all else fails, bllame the hospital - tell her you'd love to have her there but they just won't let you have any more people.
I really think that all hurt feelings will be forgotten once everyone meets the baby. Good luck with your delivery and new baby!
2007-03-27 12:06:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know there are alot of people that have different family members and friends in the delivery room with them, but I just can't imagine. I had my husband with me. It's such an emotional moment. That first moment with my babies was shared between my husband and me. I love my Mom, but I can't even imagine her in there. Good luck. I'd just be honest with your friends and family and let them know the situation you've been put in (only 2 others allowed) and tell all of them what a tough decision it was to make. I mean, come on, you are about to have a baby. Noone's going to get mad at your decision and if they do, that's their problem, you have bigger things to concern yourself with.
2007-03-27 12:01:45 · answer #9 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
discuss this with your husband and you decide.
My husband and I did not want anyone else in the room with us. It was the start of OUR family and we wanted time together before anyone else was allowed.
Depends on what you want. It is YOUR special day. Do what works for you. Just tell the step mom that you are sorry, but she is not allowed, but she could be the first one in the room to see the baby once he/she is born. Would that help her?
2007-03-27 11:59:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋