Like my thesis statement?

Question

The question asks you to assess the validity that America entered World War 1 just for the economic benefits.

During the Great War, America declared a state of neutrality. Woodrow Wilson, the president ate that time, wanted peace. But Germany continued to drag them back in. Though the economic benefits during the war were beneficial, America only entered the war to preserve peace. With the sinking of the Lusitania, and the interception of Zimmerman’s telegram to Mexico, America had but one choice; to enter the war.

I meant introductory paragraph.

Answer 1

The pronouns: "Woodrow Wilson", and "them" do not agree.
Woodrow Wilson is one man, a singular
Them implies a plural

The transition between the second sentence and the third sentence feels awkward.

Depending on the length of the paper that is a sufficient thesis. I do not think that it is too long by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, you could beef it up to add clarity to what you are going to discuss within the body. Also, the thesis did not give me a clear sense of what you are going to focus on in the paper. Are you talking about the events you listed specifically? Or are you talking about the general economics behind the war. Without the prompt I cannot tell. Just my thoughts.

Answer 2

I like it. The opener is fine from my view--Hope you get an "A"

Answer 3

It's good, but could you think of a shorter one? If not, use that thesis. :-)

Answer 4

its ok but its kinda long