should i stay or should i go ?

Question

been married for more years than i care to remember two fab kids but i am so unhappy my husband is not a bad person i just cant stand him we have no interests in common we had our first holiday without the kids a couple of years ago and it was a wash out and we have no conversation unless its about the kids he is not interested in anything i would like to do i feel as if i have spent my whole life doing wot will make him happy and what not to do like go out with friends cause i just get too much grief also i am starting to resent that i have given up family and friends as we come from different parts of the country and i have made all the changes and he carries on as normal i am bone weary of trying all the time even though the discountent is all on my side wot worries me the most is i thought i could stick it out till the kids were at least 16 but now i cannot even focus on next week let alone another three years but i am very worried about my eldests reaction ( daddys boy )

Answer 1

just go and be happy

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear you're unhappy. You seem to have forgotten your former self and become a 'mum' and a 'wife' rather than 'you'. Maybe you need to seek marriage councelling if you wish to stay with your husband?
Have you tried telling him how unhapppy you are? Have your kids noticed that their parents are unhappy?
I think you probably know in your heart what the answers to the question's are. And at the end of the day you will have to live with your decision - come what may.
Maybe you need a holiday by yourself? Some time out to collect your thoughts away from the situation at home, may do you good. And I'm sure the kids would be just as upset if you split up, as if you both stayed in an unhappy marriage.
I hope you find peace, and your happiness returns to you soon.

Answer 3

I would say that maybe sitting down and having a talk with him about your feelings (your husband that is) and let him know how you feel and see were he stands in the marriage. Maybe even Marriage counseling would help you out if both of you are willing to try it.

If you are that unhappy and don't even want to do either things I would maybe sit down with your husband and just let him know that your unhappy and you don't think that being married is the right thing anymore. If he takes if fine then you know maybe he feels the same way. Once that is done go file the papers and have a divorce started.
Then I would sit your children down and let them know that they haven't done anything to make your decision on this but you and dad aren't going to be together anymore. They are big kids from what you said. I'm sure they will handle it OK.
Staying together for the kids isn't the right reason to stay with somebody your not happy with.

I was in the 5th grade when my mom and dad told me they were getting a divorce. It hit me hard and I thought I did something wrong. But looking back on it now, I'm glad they told me instead of having my dad gone one day.

Good Luck I hope it works out for the best for your family.

Answer 4

If I were in your situation, I would sit my husband down and tell him what you've just told a lot of strangers. Tell him you would LIKE to keep your marriage in tact, but it will take work. Ask him if he's up for working on your marriage. If he isn't willing to see a marriage counselor with you, or try a new hobby with you, or take you dancing, or join a gym together, or something, then he isn't interested in saving the marriage and you may as well file for divorce. However, you might shock him into putting the spark back into your marriage with this discussion. You start with friendship and togetherness, and you end up with more intimacy and bedroom happiness. But you can't do it alone. He has to want to save the marriage. Don't worry so much about your kids. They will adjust in time. Just be careful not to bad mouth their father. If you end up in a divorce, just tell the kids, you "grew apart" and couldn't work it out. And let it go at that. Good luck. I am hoping your hubby wants to save your marriage and that the two of you will be able to do just that.

Answer 5

Im in same situation, and I really do feel for you. My daughter is the Daddy's girl. Ive been told by a lot of people, that having spent the best years of life caring for the family, putting the children (&hubby!!!!!!!!) first you have to find a life & time for yourself. Its ok to say these things, NOT that easy to put them into practice. It takes an inner strength to say enough is enough. No doubt you feel guilty, and think its better to keep quiet, than rock the boat. What we have to think of is that the kids have a life of their own, they will soon be off and leave the nest. Trouble is when you have a 'controlling husband' it knocks your self esteem. It takes a lot to find the strength to say "Im a person in my own right" For so long you are *****'s wife, then your ***** mum. I wish you good luck. Take care.

Answer 6

Let's see. For all these years you have conceded to his wishes, probably lovingly and with words like, "that sounds okay" and now you want to change the "rules" of the relationship. I think you have played a part for many years and want to blame your husband for what you did to yourself.

To get over the negatives in your husband and your marriage you have to stop thinking about the negatives. Start thinking about the positives in your husband and in your marriage. Take the letters A-Z and write something you are grateful for next to each letter about your husband and about your marriage. Then focus on the positives and you will feel much, much happier in your marriage.

And from this day forward, be honest with your husband about how you really feel about things as they come up, not years down the road.

Answer 7

time to go sweetie i think.... i dont believe in staying together for kids, lived with my mum doing that and have learnt the hard way.made me miserable seeing my mum so unhappy and has also made me put up with more than perhaps i should now!! they children can still see their dad if thats what they want but you only live once.... try to be strong and warn your fella that if things dont change what your intentions are, if hes really that controlling do u want your children thinking its ok for a person to be treated that way, i think u have better morals than that!!
aside from that all i can suggest is that u live as an individual. be yourself it is a control thing i am sure...been there!! take control of your own best interests, my mum says dont give them an inch to complain and then theres nothing they can do!execpt make a fool of themselves. have faith in yourself and what you can achievexxxxxxxxxxgood luck either way you have to start controlling yourself not him or the kids just what your needs are

Answer 8

its like reading a story of my own life,i was exactly the same only i had 3 children,i waited till my children were old enough then left, i went away on holiday like you and came home on the 3rd day ,it was like being with a stranger. my husband wasnt a bad person. he was the same as yours , but i just had no feelings left at all!!! all my children have there own homes and families now .i live on my own and im really content,i have my own social life and go on holidays , BUT i wish i would have done it sooner, because your children are stronger than you think they will be all right, they will go down there own path in life and you will still be there mum, my family are always there for me and so will yours . think about yourself because its a lot of time wasted being unhappy . im 58 yrs old now and i regret alot of things but not leaveing my marriage, good luck what ever you choose to do , it cant be worse than what youve got now.

Answer 9

You sound like you have tried very hard with your relationship and, consistently put your children and his welfare first. That is very good of you but don't forget that you have a life yourself. Your children will grow up and will start a life of their own and you will still be stuck with your husband but, older. Make the break - put yourself first for a change. Your children will understand - they can still see their father but you just cannot live with him any longer. Just because you are a wife and mother doesn't mean that you aren't entitled to a happy life. Make your decision and take action. Good luck. x

Answer 10

sad as it is, i would go. you have nothing to lose by doing so, what would be the point of staying? would be kinder to you both to walk away now and stay friends. i wouldnt worry too much about the kids-they are tougher than they look and it isnt the end of the world like it once was for them. just sit them down and talk to them openly and be honest-they will understand more than you think. also, they arent stupid and may have already picked up the fact that you arent happy. surely it is better for them to know you are both happy than miserable and staying together for their benefit. good luck and all the best with that!

Answer 11

Only you can answer this one chicken.... If you are unhappy, then leave, as life is too short for regrets. Have you tried to sit and talk it through with him? Just tell him how you feel, after all if you are considering leaving him, whats the worst that could happen, he leaves you? My advice is to sit and think about what YOU want... you have many years ahead of you..... just be happy hun... otherwise life will be one big drag... and that is unfair to YOU!!!!