iam not sure what to do here my husband and i have been apart for over 1 year he moved his girlfriend in after 3 months but now she has moved out he wants me back and if i dont have him back he doesnt want to see his children as he doesnt want to be a weekend dad !! we have both bought our own houses he wants us to sell them both and move in together i dont think i can as iam quite happy living on my own does this mean iam selfish or has my love for him well and truely died ?
2007-03-27 11:06:51 · 25 answers · asked by sharon p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like your love for your husband has well and truely died. I think it would be a very bad idea to sell your house and buy one with him as it is bound to cause much more heart-ache in the future as a loveless relationship will most likely not work and you are sure to end up separating eventually, and he may get his hands on your cash like that, leaving you to struggle finding yourself (and your children) somewhere to live.
However, the most important thing is obviously your children. I grew up having parents that did not love each other but stayed together for years because of myself and my sister, which had a bad affect on both myself and my sister because there was a constant atmosphere and arguements and we did not see love, only hate. When they did separate, we were 7 and 10. My dad moved out and did not see us often. He was there occassionally to shout his mouth off and give his opinion on the way our mother was bringing us up but he was never a good dad -even when he lived with us. The fact was he did not want to know. Myself and my sister choose to have as little to do with him as possible when we were old enough to realise the pain his behaviour caused us and decide for ourselves. It would have been better for us if he wasnt there at all, instead of the occassional interest he took in us, which got our hopes up and left us disappointed. Taking your husband back is bound to create more problems that it'll solve and you being happy will benefit you children much more than having you and your husband back together.
Good Luck
2007-03-27 11:31:01 · answer #1 · answered by sparky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find it perturbing that the man would abandon his children in order to manipulate you. If he doesn't want to be a weekend dad tell him you'd be more than happy to be the weekend mom so the kids don't have to lose their father.
It sounds like he is immature, resentful and irresponsible. It is good that you are "quite happy living on my own." It indicates how little you have lost by separating from the man.
I have been raising my kids on my own for 10 years now. The man told the judge at the custody hearing that he didn't care if I filed for sole custody because they were my kids. He has alienated our oldest two (19 and 18) and holds a minimal relationship with my 14 year old son. We've all had to learn to let it go.
So,dear, unless you love and respect him madly, let it go......
2007-03-27 11:21:04 · answer #2 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though he tried to be away from you with this other woman and when it didn't quite work out as planned, he decided to come crawling back where he knows it is comfortable. I would take your time with this decision. I went through the same thing and found that I was way happier on my own where I didn't have to answer to anyone or worry about what was coming next. I truly think that he either wants you back on the rebound or he just now has realized what he actually had in you. There are no easy answers here, Sweetie! Just follow your heart where it leads you and know that your happiness should come first.
2007-03-27 11:12:46 · answer #3 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage must first be based upon love, trust and respect. He is obviously using your children to get back into your life following the breakup of his relationship. This does not show that he respects you, and after what you have said you may be able to forgive him but you will never trust him.
This means to me that even if you love him, you do not have the other ingredients to make a marriage work.
My advice? Leave him be and let him decide on access rather that dictate.
2007-03-27 11:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by Gary L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't, it sounds like he's looking to rebound, and as a father of 4 I cannot for the life of me understand how any man would say I don't want to see my kids unless it's full time. Find a real man who could be a good father to your children because he sure won't be weather he's there or not.
its truly a shame that your contemplating dropping to his level knowing he has this kind of thought process. stand strong as you sound like you are enjoying the independent life you have. Remember your kids are watching you, and will learn something from this one way or the other. Good luck
2007-03-27 11:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by cankorworm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to be only a weekend Dad so he won't see them at all but he also wants you back which means he will be a 24/7 Dad if that happens. Huh?
This guy has problems and sounds like a jerk. He only wants you back because his girlfriend left and she probably did so because he was cheating. Sounds like a great role model for his children.
Do you really need him in your life? Is he making child payments?
2007-03-27 11:15:35 · answer #6 · answered by ciao_gina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HAHAHA! this guy is a total ****........ his g/f goes so he wants you back...... whats it like to be second best?????
it was his choice to be a weekend dad wasnt it..... so dont let him use blackmail like that to get you back..... you cant be with someone cos they say if you dont i wont see the kids..... what does that say about him????
you have your freedom now..... you are happy in your own home.... with your kids who you love dearly..... why bring him back into it all only for him to do it all over again when a new g/f comes along......
your better than that hun...... you deserve better..... dont do the wrong thing because he is making threats.
2007-03-27 11:23:28 · answer #7 · answered by in the truth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a b@!!£$d to use his own kids to blackmail you. What a complete and utter pig headed t*@t. Selfish p&*%k only wants you because he's on his own again.
I'd tell him to fuk right off. AND tell the kids why Dad doesn't want to bother with them.
Still, he could be just testing you. Unless he really is a heartless d!@k and would turn his back on his own flesh and blood.
If you love him, you should know.
2007-03-27 11:14:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your gut feelings. He's just trying to make you feel guilty with the weekend father business.More than likely he wants to just use you til the next woman comes along and where would you be than? You would be starting all over. It's not worth it and it's to hard on the kids. if he is any kind of father at all he wouldn't use them for bargaining power.Trust your instincts and tell him NO WAY!!
2007-03-27 11:25:32 · answer #9 · answered by Di LV E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god do not move in with him first of all because he had his girlfriend move in after 3 months don't do it if he doesn't want to see his children thats just more of a reason not to get with him. He just wants you as a rebound girl.
2007-03-27 11:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by dev'smummy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋