how do i support my best friend?????

Question

my best friend of 26 years has just found out her son who is 10, the same age as my daughter has lukeima.. we are all devasted about this. how do i support her, what can i do and say. i feel so sick and useless just now. we've always been honest and supportive to each other and i love them both like my family. but i feel i am no use to her right now. we've never had a problem this big or serious. please give me some advice. much appreiciated

Answer 1

She isn't listening to your words at all. You know that. She is listening to your heart. She is listening to the fact that you care so much and don't have a clue as to what to say to her. She already knows all that. The one thing you can give her that will mean everything to her right now is to stay in close touch with her, and let her know that you are there for her. You don't have to invent clever dialogue or try to give her all the answers that only she can come up with, after all. But believe me the one thing which will register in her heart is that you are right there for her. Be the loyal friend you already are. To a large extent you already are what you are asking that you should do. Read that again. Be well, and stop worrying. You are already giving her everything just by hugging her and calling her up now and then and being her best friend. If you happen to think of a few words of wisdom along the way, well that will just be an extra bonus. But right now the one thing you need to do is to calm down and stop worrying. You are the answer. You do not have to provide an answer. Your presence on the scene is everything she needs right now. Be steady and strong and give her courage and love and what else could you ever do that would be that important - ? Sent to you with love from Chris in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A.

Answer 2

This is sad but life's reality. Give her some personal space. Be by her side and there isn't any need for you to say anything. She'll know that she can count on you whenever she needs someone to lean on. Sometimes being around is a strong pillar to the weak. If at all possible, find out more about the illness and see if any relieve can be done for the poor child. This would help your friend feel less of the pain versus unable to do anything (hopeless) for the poor child.

Answer 3

I let a friend of mine down when her sister had cancer and eventually died, I was useless, never knew what to say and kind off cut myself off from her. It was the wrong thing to do, give her space but also text her to see how she is, call round for a coffee and let her talk. Listening and being honest like you have been to her will help her. Don't feel awkward and do simple little things like sending her a card of friendship offering to cook a meal, etc. You sound like a good mate. Luckily me and my mate sorted it out don't loose your friend over feeling uncomfortable. good luck and i so hope everything turns out OK x

Answer 4

I understand how you feel because I have been through a similar experience like what you are going through now. When someone we love have a problem as big as this, we suddenly find ourself lost for words, helpless and without any idea of what to do. The best thing you can do is to just be there for your friend, you don't need to say anything - your presence is comfort enough for her. If she needs someone to pour out her feelings, her depressions, you be the ears. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, lend her yours. Just knowing you are there for her will help her come to terms with the problem.

There is no need for comments, advises or promises to pray for her because to her, such words comes across as empty promises and makes the hurt even more painful.

What your friend needs now is a friend who will stand alongside her, walk with her and be with her through it all. (I found such a friend in Jesus!! Without Him, I would have given up on life in my circumstance. )

Answer 5

Just be there for her - she will probably swing from being optimistic, really low, angry, sad etc etc - be her emotional punchback!. She will probably be keeping it all together in front of her son so will need to let it go somewhere. Be positive, you haven't said the diagnosis but he can survive. You are a lot of use to her right now - don't forget that. Good luck. x

Answer 6

The only thing that you really can do is to be there for her. You might feel useless, but it means alot to your friend that your there for her. You need to be supportive, if he dies (i pray that he won't) then you need to be by her side, comforting her. They are going through a really hard time. You also need to give hr space to be with her son. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You should definitely be yourself first of all, if you act different and too caring then their going to feel like your taking pity on them. Just hang out, spend time with them, visit him in the hospital or go with them when needed, help around in the house if they need, ask your daughter to play with him and basically be the family you are.

good luck and I hope everything goes well for everyone.

Answer 8

Just take a step back, believe me she will come to you when she needs you. Offer any practical help, you are use to your friend, by just being that, a friend through thick and thin..

Answer 9

Just be there when she needs you. Tell her that you dont what to say or do and let her guide you.