When I talk to certain people I know well, everything is fine and my thoughts just appear and a conversation takes place. But how come anytime I talk to other people I feel blank. I hardly ever say two words. I just never get thoughts/responses/or anything that a conversation needs.
2007-03-27 11:02:03 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
As computer users, we all know what happens when we click on too many buttons at once. Our computer processors are overwhelmed, and our computers "freeze up" until we can shut down some of the things which are keeping our CPU's so doggone busy.
Our minds work on a similar principle. When meeting new people, we often have so many questions and concerns connected with talking to them, that whatever our brains use as a processor becomes overwhemed, and we "freeze up" the same way. Interestingly, our listeners often cause us to "freeze up" even more! They do so by calling attention to us when we hesitate or go blank, and criticizing us for same.
We also worry that people will find us foolish if we say what is on our minds. No matter how hard we try, some people just won't give us a chance...but then, that's fine. Even our most revered thinkers and speakers went through life with tons of people thinking they were out of whack. Someone may find me foolish, and I let it be that someone's problem.
That said, the first thing I would recommend for a conversation is that you slow your thinking. I do so by breathing more slowly, or by holding a meditation stone. You, of course, may find ways which are better for you...which is completely OK.
Other than that, I suggest watching people who are good at conversation. A good interview show can give you priceless tips on how to pick up on what the listener is saying, and ask another good question. Watching sports announcers will help you learn to see a point your acquaintance has made, and add onto that point. Both the questions and adding onto another persons point, show respect for what the other person is saying. Remember that you do not need to remember every point to show that you are listening; remembering a little here and there often is enough.
I add that if the other person is doing most of the talking, that is beneficial to you. Most people I know...including myself...find people extremely interesting, just because they listen to us!
Conversation is not a competition; it's a dance. Flexibility, a sense of rhythm, and knowing how to lead or follow, according to the circumstances, will make you a master at dancing, or conversation!
2007-03-27 11:55:58 · answer #1 · answered by Rev. Dubbs 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be too hard on yourself. I think we all suffer from some of this. We are often in the same boat and hoping somebody will break the ice! It's great when pets are around because everybody likes to compare notes on their pets and kids. In the more stilted situations (the first to arrive at a party, etc), I rely a lot on compliments, "Wow, what a cool house...how long have you lived hear?" Often, coming up with a question, will prompt a reply...then be ready to asked more along the same lines. "How is the neighborhood?" Listeners, I mean people who really listen are the greatest at conversation. Be creative! Read the headlines, browse bookstores, learn from movie conversations, but don't be phoney!
2007-03-27 11:22:02 · answer #2 · answered by Eve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are probably thinking too much about what the other person may think of you. forget that. you are good enough, and you never will be able to please everyone.
if you want to be a great conversationalist, just ask open questions and listen as they jabber away. you dont ahve to say a word and most poeple will think you were great conversationalist cos they got to talk about themselves!
2007-03-27 11:10:55 · answer #3 · answered by hustolemyname 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋