Mentor a boy, 15 (Big Brother Big Sisters) and we have been matched for 2 years. The last couple of months have been very trying,lots of attitude and litttle real conversations. Recently he took a computer game home with him without asking (he hid it in his sweatshirt), which is stealing. This is the second time he has done this, the first time we talked about it and i just chaulk it up to him making a simple mistake. So once i realized the game was gone, I went to his house and confronted him and he admitted it and gave me the game. We had a talk and he was not respectful and was not remorsefull at all that he took the game. He also did not say sorry or apologize. I am really upset about this. I've been with him 2 years and he has this little respect for me. I think there is something bigger going on and I asked him and he told me it wasn't any of my busines. What should I do? I feel like i can't do anything more and should start to end our match.
2007-03-27 10:59:50 · 10 answers · asked by benjamin p 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Many have commented on me giving up too early. Trust me...its the last thing I want to do. It has been a very hard road so far. The last thing i want to do is give up on him, but most of the time it seems like he doesn't care. I tried to find out what was really bothering him, but he told me "it was none of my business". Obiously that really hurt to hear...im not sure if he was just angry but after 2yrs you would think he would be a litttle more open.
2007-03-27 15:35:30 · update #1
i am sorry for what you are going through. it is a sad world when the people we help hurt us. my advice is try an intervention. something is going on with him when he is emotionally attacking you like this. he is crying out for help and does not know how to ask for it. speak with his parents/guardians, friends, teachers. have another brother/sister try and talk with him. but whatever you do, do not turn your back on him. this is when he needs you more. he probably expects you to walk away. i wish you all the best and i am glad there are people who care about others who are not friends/family to help them. good luck.
2007-03-27 11:09:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off Big Brothers and Sisters has advisers in place to give input on problems with matches. I would talk to them as most are trained social workers and can help. Another thing it may go deeper then you can help with. Any number of things can be going on that is turning this young man into a beast of a person. . I suspect his peers and friends could be getting into his thoughts, his relationship with his mother might be at a bigger problem. Have you talked to the mother about this as this might be good in seeking to find out if he has been like this for some time or just recent. Don't give up on him as 15 is a time a boy really needs guidance and structure. If I gave up on people in my church I would not be much of a minister. Lord knows there are a few I would like to send to another church. LOL but you have to give it to God and let him lead your path. Trust me he will. Honestly from what you have said her selection on men companions don't seem to help the problem and may be hurting the kids more then her. She needs a lesson in priorities.
2007-03-28 11:13:50 · answer #2 · answered by Georgia Preacher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should give up on him. Isn't that what those kids are in this program for in the first place? Because they don't have any parent figures, or any other type to look up to? If you had a child of your own, or an actual brother or sister that was acting out this way, you couldn't simply "end your match" with them, I know teenagers can be impossible to talk to, but if you really let him know, you're there to help him, and you don't want to see him get into any kind of trouble, maybe he'll open up. And you could start rewarding good behavior (I know that sounds childish) but I think it might help.
2007-03-27 11:07:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is part of your mentoring- you didnt think it was going to be easy the whole time did you? stealing isnt ok. call him on it. tell him its not ok and you wont stand for it. if your going to be hangiong out trust is the minimum that you need to continue a relationship. if he is going to steal that you will end it. see what he says. then ask if he wants to talk about his current problem, if the communication has stopped something may be troubleing him. do your job and find creative ways to figure it out. 15 is a very hard age as you probably remember., you have a kind heart to mentor a child you can do this. good luck
2007-03-27 11:16:17 · answer #4 · answered by mytwoboyz1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You entered into a program where most of the kids have all kinds of problems. You may not be able to find a kid that does not act out. You do not have to invite them into your home. Why did you join the program? It should have been to make a difference in the child's life...so here's your chance. If you give up on this boy you missed your opportunity. Maybe it is not for you at all.
I wonder how many times this child has been let down by adults, how many times someone has given up on him. You could try asking for a young child, they would be easier, maybe, depending on their problems. Good luck.
L
2007-03-27 11:12:15 · answer #5 · answered by LUCY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You're in a tough situation. I'm sorry that I have no advice for you, but I do think it's great what you have been doing. If you feel you need to end the relationship, it is perfectly understandable (although I suppose it could give the kid cause to act out). Good luck to you.
2007-03-27 11:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by Debra G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to go to the Y M C A ! its fun to stay at the Y M C A. they have everything for u to enjoy! you can hang out with all ur boys! its fun to stay at the Y M C A!!!! lol sry im listening to the song...
but to get serios i think its out of ur reach...he seems just like one of those pple.. who dont care and no one can change it.. sry. but maybe u could try talking to a "higher" ranking person in the "big bro big sis" thing and explain it to them ... (if u can, sry i dono how that works)
2007-03-27 12:45:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my 16yr brother (younger than i) is kind of gang related. he has a criminal recodr for stealing at a store. he sells i think drugs.. he hangs ppl gangstas, drug dealers, rubbers..
and trust me Ive talked to him about whats good and what isnt. my parents have had conversations about that too my older older whose 19 and my younger brother respects him have too. but he doesnt listen. "its all bout da hood"
my boyfriend has been in very dangerous gang.. he had to do drivebys and stuff.. and he quit all that by paying a millon dollars.. and hes broke.. but he told he me .. and ill tell you that even though you talk and tell him that what hes doing isnt good.. BUT He likes what hes doing.. hes still gonna be doing that.
2007-03-27 11:07:55 · answer #8 · answered by acbmjbg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stealing is so wrong
2007-03-27 11:19:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell his parents.
2007-03-27 13:22:57 · answer #10 · answered by speedy >>> 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋