Help!! My ex is pregnant and i dont know how to tell my parents?

Question

Ive only just found out that my ex-girlfriend is pregnant and im really scared!! I'm 21 and she is 24 and we are both about to finish our final year at university! We have had an on-off relationship for the past year and recently decided that we were not right for each other and to go our seperate ways. Then the bombshell came........

I took her to get a test and it come back positive, despite using a condom and then the morning after pill when it split. She has strong beliefs and does not want an abortion. Ive been supportive and said i would stand by her but we live so far apart when not at uni!

Ive got to tell my folks but dont know how to bring it up, im bricking myself! What should i do, if im to be a dad i want to be fully involved in my childslife but she has made it clear. and i agree that we dont work as a couple. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Answer 1

Simply sit down with your parents, and maybe break the ice by giving them a gift bag with a baby bib in it. Then explain that you know you are young, and this was not planned, but that there is going to be a child in your lives now and that isn't going to change. Explain that you want to be a responsible dad, despite the fact that this wasn't how you imagined it. If they see that you are trying to step up and be a decent man, they may take the news easier.

Answer 2

How do you feel about your ex keeping the baby? It looks as though you can't live together ,but would she want you to have anything to do with the baby?
I think at this stage your parents are the last worry. You need to discuss how she is going to manage alone and what support you are going to give her. When you have this sorted then tell your parents but remember you are an adult and as long as you are not asking for anything from them they shouldn't have too much of a problem. How close are you? would a letter be easier to break the ice before talking in person? Should you and your ex discuss things with your parents? You will feel a weight has been lifted once it is in the open but it's a big responsibility so make sure your ex knows actually what you can offer etc All the best.

Answer 3

Nowhere does it say that parents have to be together to raise a child. You told her you would stand by her and you should honor that. Secondly, if you want to be in your baby's life you have every right to be. You may not live close, but you can still see your child on a regular basis. You need to bite the bullet and tell your parents what's going on. Sit them down face to face and tell them. That's the only way to do it. It might seem scary now, but your parents will most likely love their grandchild very much. It may take some time but one day you'll probably be wondering why it seemed like such a big deal at the time. It's the unknown that's scary. Just tell them. Oh, and get a job soon 'cause babies are expensive.

Answer 4

Congratulations mum and dad. I mean it

If you want to stay together then start planning your route. Its probably not going to be an easy ride but stick with it. Term ends in what....4 months so apart from checkups and a little luck she should be able to finish uni.....you as well.

Parents? You wont be the first. They might not like it and might even be really annoyed.....so perhaps it may be an idea to say nothing until your finals are done.

You know them best. As for staying together, well, babies change a lot of things so stick around.

One thing I will say is that if you are there for the birth and she decides she doesnt want to live with you then it may be tough on you.

Good luck. Good for you for wanting to do the right thing.

Answer 5

Many people find ways to raise a child seperately. The worst thing you could do is stay together for the sake of the child and end up raising your child in a bad relationship. My boyfriend and his son's mother were in a similar situation. they were older but he laso found out after they broke up. They now live in the same town and spilt custody 50/50. Just make sure, no matter what, that you are there for her (supportive as a friend) during her pregnancy and that you are ALWAYS there for your child. Everything will be fine...don't sweat your parents, they might be disappointed because they wanted more for you but I'm sure they'll support you in your decision and love their grandchild very much!!!

Answer 6

With regards to your parents, you need to sit them down and tell them the facts as they stand. Reassure them that you plan to take responsibility and that you realise that it would not be healthy for any of you, baby included, to stay in a relationship.

If you are truly going to be involved in your child's life, you need to consider some practical things. To be actively involved, perhaps you should considering finding work etc. closer to the mum? It will allow you to have a much better relationship with your child.

It isn't going to be easy but it is clear that you are taking a really responsible approach. Your parents may not be happy initially and it may not have been the life they want for you, but things like this have a strange way of working out.

Good luck

Answer 7

A pregnancy test is not the same thing as a DNA test...
Being 21 {"adult"}, it should not be hard to think of who has been your staunch support system...tell them first. Their feedback may prepare you for when you tell your parents, and if your fear is that they'll be disappointed in you...include that in your dialogue with them...if necessary, write it out in short, succinct bullet points --and tell them AFTER a great meal....and let them express whatever their concerns are...when you agree with them, let them know...and if you're not in agreement, indicate that you'll think about what they're saying....It's NOT the "end of the world" and it won't "destroy your future" and it won't make you "less" of anything good that you are...Of all the things that could happen to someone--Cancer; AIDS; Paralysis; Hurricane Katrina; Tsunamis; the fact that in your youth, you may be BLESSED to parent a wonderful new human being---could be a GREAT thing....practically speaking, IF (and that's a DNA dependent 'if') the baby is yours---you have the opportunity to Step Up and be a Great Father...hopefully, you've had a great role model...if not, let the greatness start with you! Good Luck!

Answer 8

I am going to be blunt...please forgive me.

First, you're 21 grow some balls and tell your parents; its not like you are 14 or something. You had sex and she got pregnant...your parents had sex and your mom got pregnant...that is what happens when you have sex.

Second, do not marry her just because she is pregnant...that is stupid.

Third, support your child...infact submit yourself to a paternity test and go before a judge to determine what a proper level of support is and then follow through with it until the child is 18.

Fourth, be involved in your child's life, as much as possible. At least annual visits for a week or more, from birth to adulthood...that is your child you know.

Fifth, don't get anymore women pregnant (don't have sex) until you have matured enough to talk about life issues like an adult.

Jeez

BTW, in case you forgot to cut the cord...your parents dont really have anything to do with this situation...telling them is a nice gesture, but completely optional. What is important is that you GROW UP and take responsibility for your actions.

It sucks that you get to be lucky enough to become a parent...think about that for a while.

Answer 9

I respect you for not running away like most guys, making US REAL MEN LOOK BAD. what i would do is have you and your ex GF talk about how are you going to make the baby life easy if there is still a chance that you love her and she loves you make it work! it would be the best for the baby to have its parents together under one roof but be together for each other and because you lover her not because of the baby. next go together to each other parents and expain whats going to happen they will under stand just be straight about it. and when its her parents turn make sure your there to when she tell them it will make things A LOT BETTER if the parents know your invovled. trust me im in the same place my GF is 4 month pregnant so i went though it already.. gain there respects. if you were ready to have sex well that means you are ready for the out come (A BABY, A LIFE) be a man and tell your parents im also 21 is i know.

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like your running away, you don't have to be her husband or boyfriend to be this child's father/daddy. You can totally be involved in this baby's life. Your parents? Honey your not 18, you go to a university! Seems you wanna get a head in life, don't worry. The distance sounds like the only problem to me! You should be fine, good luck!