I really would like to know what you guys think
Is it good
If you don't think it is good can u please be specific so I can change it.
If Only I Knew Why
Crimson sand makes the desert floor,
The azure sky guards on.
Purple breath envelops my lungs,
The night turns into dawn.
I hear the distant sound of life,
Right now I am alone.
This space belongs to only me,
This spot becomes my own.
I gaze at the snowy white clouds,
As unvoiced time stands still.
I lose myself in arid air,
The wind provides a chill.
My hands endure the passing gust,
My mind begins to float.
I rest among the lilac sky,
My thoughts become remote.
I smell the chalky, bitter scent,
My life stands idly by.
My soul and body disconnect,
If only I knew why.
2007-03-27 10:51:50 · 20 answers · asked by tHe_TaStE_oF_mInD 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Very good! You must like purple.
2007-03-27 11:00:34 · answer #1 · answered by Etania 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally Awesome!
2007-03-27 17:58:08 · answer #2 · answered by NakasEvilTwin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, "on" doesn't really rhyme with "dawn" -- or maybe it does where you live, but around here, no. I found "arid air" awkward. Other than that, I think it is pretty good.
2007-03-27 17:57:38 · answer #3 · answered by Craig L 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow..that was so beautufl! We;ll written, relaxing, gret flow, and nice transitioning rhyming words..i would just make it a little bit shorter, but otehr than that,.perfect! :)
2007-03-27 17:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ MEOW ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How long did it take you to write that?
It's nice, but where were you when you were creating it?
Morg
2007-03-27 18:22:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's really a wonderful poem!
2007-03-27 17:59:07 · answer #6 · answered by JEANNE B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it but it isn't very clear all the time, what exactly are you describing
2007-03-27 17:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's good.
2007-03-27 17:55:55 · answer #8 · answered by diannegoodwin@sbcglobal.net 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice ! Good job !! â¥
2007-03-27 17:56:40 · answer #9 · answered by Bren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES I LOVE IT
2007-03-27 17:57:00 · answer #10 · answered by pooniekk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋