I am engaged to be married. Sunday a very good friend of mine was killed. He was also a very good friend of my ex, my soon to be husband is telling me that he thinks I should not go to the funeral because my ex will be there. I told him that I am going anyway because he was my frined before he and I thought of being together. Please let me know if I am wrong.
2007-03-27 10:30:29 · 44 answers · asked by U Know 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO!!! you are not wrong!
He's the wrong one...
He has to understand that you are unhappy with this situation, and you need to go... you need to be there!
You have to go. If he loves you, he has to understand the wrong you are feeling now, and the worst you can feel if you do what "he wants" and don't do what you feel to do.
Take care!
Hugs!
2007-03-27 10:33:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No. You are not wrong for wanting to go to the funeral. However, you could have handled the situation better. You could have told your fiance that you are going to the funeral to show respect to your friend and your friends family. Explain that your not going there to see your ex. Besides - your ex is your "EX" for a reason and your fiance is your "FIANCE" for a reason. Try to keep him from being jealous about what once was (your ex)and be happy about what is and what will be (your engagement, marriage and future together)
Just ask him to respect your friendship with the deceased and tell him when you are done paying your respect, you would like to do something with him to get your attention on something else. Maybe your fiance would like to be there with you as a support.
2007-03-27 10:41:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Can you take your husband with you? It's not right to just out right do something that makes your spouse, (soon to be, in your case) totally uncomfortable. However, your spouse should trust you, and unless this other guy was coming onto you or something like that, your man should TRUST you. It's a funeral for crying out loud. Not a bar or something. What can happen? I think you should sit him down and explain that to him, plus, let him know that our relationship has to be one of trust. Not control. If he's trying to control something as this, think of what else might come up later. You don't get a second chance to attend the funeral of someone that was dear to you. He should understand that. But having said that, I think if he went with you, it would solve a lot of issues, not to mention you'd have the support of your fiance at this difficult time. It doesn't matter if he knew the guy or not. He's there for YOU.
2007-03-27 10:46:08 · answer #3 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a small world, you and your ex were bound to run into each other at Costco or the Mall or whatever - sadly it turns out you'll be running into each other at the funeral of a friend.
Sorry to hear that.
You are right to go to the funeral - your friend's family will appreciate the support.
Your fiance needs to get past this insecurity. It's a funeral - not a meat market disco bar - you're not going to hook up.
The smarter play is for your fiance to go with you - to support you - and watch what happens with the ex. He'll see for himself that your ex is your ex - you can be polite, but it's all in the past and your fiance is all in your present and future.
You shoudln't go alone to the funeral - but you should go. Ask your fiance to be a friend to you and go with you.
Best wishes.
2007-03-27 10:38:28 · answer #4 · answered by Stan W 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not wrong about wanting to attend the funeral of your friend. If your soon to be husband has a problem with you attending a funeral with your ex, then perhaps you are wrong about whom you plan to marry.
2007-03-27 10:36:04 · answer #5 · answered by jlocalyokel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As you've said he is your good friend. I don't see any wrong about you going to the funeral of your friend,even if he is your ex friend either. This is something about you and your friend,your just paying your last tribute on him,seeing him on the last time.
Does your fiance trust you? If he does then he will let you come,no matter who is there.....Maybe you just have to assure also your fiance' that you are not after meeting your ex..and that you don't care about him anymore...It's Him that you Love and no one else.....
Sometimes,guys can be jelous too and needs some assurances from us.....
2007-03-27 10:44:36 · answer #6 · answered by blue girl 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not wrong to want to show respect to your friend.Tell you fiance that if one of his friends were to die would he do the same if you told him not to go. Ask him does he trust you and if he would feel better if he came along but do not go just because he said no. The start of a relationship is how it will keep going if you don't talk to change it.
All I can really say is talk to your man to let him know how you feel so that this will not cause pain in the future.
2007-03-27 10:39:06 · answer #7 · answered by De-De 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to the funeral, your soon to be husband may be a little insecure,He should understand that the chap was a good friend of both you and yr ex, and he should trust you implicitly, I would be questioning his motives for not allowing you to go to the funeral...... jealous maybe?
2007-03-27 10:38:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely not wrong, suggest that your new love go with you as support. You can't let anyone tell you not to go to a funeral, it would eventually break you and him up because you would hold a grudge.
This isn't a baseball game or something, your friend died, he should understand that.
I am truly sorry you lost a friend.
2007-03-27 10:35:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should definately go - you are going because he was a close friend...that doesn't mean you need to pay any attention to your ex. let your fiancee know how you feel and tell him how important this is for you to go to this funeral. just do what feels right for you and don't let him tell you what to do...try to respect his wishes but if he truely cares about you he will understand that you need to go to this despite the fact that your ex will be there...
sorry about your friend.
2007-03-27 10:36:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not wrong if your husband is that insecure then that's on him. You feel as though you have to say your goodbyes and I agree with you. You are not going to see your ex your going to a funeral. I SAY ABSOLUTELY GO
2007-03-27 10:36:06 · answer #11 · answered by KH 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋