FOR GODs SAKE HELP?

Question

Hey please help me out here. I am 22 years old and just got married a couple of days ago, to a Nigerian. He was born in American so no he doesnt need citizenship. Anyways, we have been together for 3.5 years and told his parents we wanted to get married. They went crazy, his moms head did a 360 degree spin. They told us if we get married not to call them and when we have children not to never ever call them. They said that we are to young and not stable, mind you we make over 90k a year and have no children. Were pretty stable, I have some college and my husband has a B.S from UCLA and is working on his M.A. Well we got married anyway and are moving out in a month. PROBLEM IS, he doesnt want to tell his parents we are married and he doesnt wear his wedding ring around his parents. It hurts me so much. He wants to pretend that when we move out it is his apartment and that I DONT live there, it sucks because im going to be paying half the rent and half of all the bills what do i do.

Answer 1

Time for some tough love here. Tell him that you cant live this way so he either tells his parents and whatever happens happens, or you will and thatll be that. This is what colleges dont teach you, how to be a man and stand up for whats right. He may be book smart but is pretty stupid in the ways of the world, in that when a man takes a wife, she comes first and foremost above all the rest. He should be honored and proud of his wife and tell the world and his parents of his love. So dont let him hide you for whatever reason and give him the ultimatum. Good luck

Answer 2

He is not mature enough to be married. Maturity is not related to age.

The fact of the matter is, he wants to be married on his own terms, but he is not man enough to tell his parents that you are the one he has already married.

You need to decide if you wish to live out the rest of your married life with a boy who is ashamed to shout it to the world that you are his lover, his friend, his wife and his life.

If you do, then don't whine about being hidden. It won't be the first thing he hides from everyone.

If you decide you can't live that way, demand that he come clean with his parents and the two of you will deal with the consequences.

I suspect that thre is more to the story than you are revealing here, so a piece of unsolicited advice: speak up now, tell the truth and take your medicine like an adult.

By the way, if he was born in America, he is an AMERICAN of Nigerian extract.

Answer 3

Talk to your husband about it! Let him know that hiding the marriage is unacceptable! Then he will have to choose and if doesn't choose you, then will have to deal with that! Your husband needs to grow a pair and stand up to his parents. He's an adult for crying out loud! Now, stop asking this same question, because there is nothing anyone can really do for you on here. You can get all the advise you want, but to solve the problem YOU have to take action!!! Posting the question 30 times ain't really getting anything done, is it?

Answer 4

This situation is very difficult for both of you. I say BOTH of you because it is difficult for him too. He comes from a culture where its his duty to honour and respect the parents. These people have invested in their son and brainwashed him from an early age to believe that its his duty to honour them. You could find out in time that you can't handle his culture, or to change to his ways will cost you a lot. I know first hand, because I married someone of a different culture so I am used to him lying to his mother about our marriage, because to this day, 20 years later, his mother has never thought of my husband as a married man, even though we have a daughter. You must love your husband very much to stay with him and your love will be tested every day, thats what it will come down to in the end. Sorry, wish I could tell you something more pleasing.

Answer 5

Tell him to stand up and be a man for fu(k sake.If he is so ashamed of you that he can't call you his wife then move on. Do you two even know the meaning of marriage? Well that isn't it!To bad about his parents-you married him-get some self respect! You both may be educated but you can't think.

Answer 6

He sounds like a big baby and a chicken. Hardly a man, and not much of a husband. His parents were right about you being too young-- you married a little boy. Tell his parents yourself. Have some self-respect!

Answer 7

First off, if you are married all money becomes our money so paying half of this or that is irrelevant - you are not roommates.

Second, did he not mention this to you prior to getting married? I would find it hard to believe if he did not. In the event he told you before hand and you got married to him anyway, you gave your consent to this arrangement. Don't worry, though. He won't be able to fool his parents for long as they will eventually figure it out and then he will experience their wrath for keeping it secret more so then for doing it.

Answer 8

Tell him that you married a man, not a Punk and to act like a man. He married you, so he needs to grow up.

Answer 9

that is crazy. you need to tell him that that definitely isnt what you signed up for. no one wants to live a life of secrecy, and if he loves you then he should at least tell his parents that you're moving with him. i could MAYBE see him not telling his parents about the marraige, only under some cirrumstances... but its going to come up sometime or another. idk though. maybe by the time they find out, your guys' 'circumstances' will be up to par with what they want. hmmm....

Answer 10

Well sister...I guess you should not consumate the marriage until it's official!! I would move out and tell him to call you when he's ready to stand beside you and be your husband!