How to console someone who had a miscarriage?

Question

My friend, that I have known for 12 years had a miscarriage late last year. She only recently told me because it happened about a week after I had a miscarriage. I feel awful for her because now she is convinced she won't be able to have children because of this and some other problems she has had. How can I console her-I knew she was depressed but I couldn't get her to tell me why. She is still struggling with her loss, and I just want to help. She has never been one to talk about her problems or emotions, and it's really tough to try to get her to express anything. I love her like a sister and all I want to do is help her. How can I do this?

Answer 1

I also suffered a miscarriage in my past, I wanted someone to talk to, mainly my husband, but unfortunately he's not really the same, he didn't want to talk at all about it, he just wanted to pretend we were never pregnant in the first place with that baby.

Recently his sister miscarried her very first pregnancy. I knew how I felt and figured I'd talk to her because she's probably feeling just like how I felt. Unfortunately for me, she's just like my husband....she thanked me of course for the gesture of reaching out to her but said to me this isn't the worst thing to happen to her (which really blew me away, since something like that is the worst I can think of and I've been through alot of bad things starting from when I was born....to make a long story short my real mother gave me up for adoption because I'd been the result of an affair she had and her husband gave her the choice...either he goes or the baby she's carrying does). She just wanted me to act like she was never pregnant to begin with.

My point is, all women are different. Some want to be consoled and will let you console them but some just want you to leave them alone because that's what helps them deal with something like this.

Since she's not being open with you (wanting to be consoled), just do what you always do as a friend....be there when she needs you for anything and if she ever brings up the subject about the miscarriage then it's okay for you to talk about it with her. She may just need a little more time to herself right now so just be there when she's ready to talk or anything. Just make sure to remind her you're there for her and keep being positive if she brings up she'll never have any children, keep letting her know that lots of women have suffered the same and they DO have babies after this happens to them.

Answer 2

The last thing she needs is to stay home. My friend had a miscarriage last year too. I took her to a quiet park so she could get a breath of fresh air. I didnt make her talk, she slowly started to come around. I took her like once a week and each time she would talk more. The first time we just sat on some swings like little kids and didnt talk for like 2 hours.

Answer 3

Be supportive of her.Even if the being pregnant wasn't deliberate,and the boyfriend is a jerk.Don't inform her it's for the higher besides given the crisis.As real as that can be a individual who simply suffered that loss does not desire to listen to that.Because they'd just a little lifestyles developing within of them,and now they misplaced it.Just say most of the time that possibly it wasn't her time to have a youngster and that the proper time will come for her.There are such a lot of causes why its higher for anybody to attend until they're older to have a youngster,and feature a boyfriend or husband who desires to have the youngster.No subject what age you're it was once nonetheless your youngster that you just misplaced.Its such a lot more difficult for the girl to miscarry then the person when you consider that she is the one that has the youngster within of her and also you expand a bond with that developing youngster.

Answer 4

Just be there for her bringing it up may drudge up bad memories,Console her by being a good friend and treating her well,and if she wants to talk about it then just have an open and frank discussion,tell her how broken hearted you are for her,but dont attempt to buy her things or anything to make up for her miscarriage,that would be sort of odd.

Answer 5

Bluegirl,
My sister has had 3 miscarriages and each have been heartbreaking. All you can do is be their for her. You can't say anything that will make the hurt go away.
Don't try to explain it or say......"it wasn't ment to be" that does not help.
Just be there.

Answer 6

Just tell her how sorry you are to hear of this, that you know what she is feeling, and are willing to listen anytime she needs to vent. Remind her that this wasn't her fault. God just had different plans... he needed this child for some other reason, and although it is unclear right now as to what that plan could be, the fact he chose this child makes the child super special. She could always try again later, when she feels more comfortable or she could adopt. Hope is not completely lost.

Answer 7

See how she feels on a daily basis, see if your friend brings the subject up-(if she seems don) maybe you should start the subject-the only thing you can really do is BE THERE FOR HER...

Good luck-time will tell...

Answer 8

Don't be overly nice to that person, try to get her to talk about it gently. You could always volunteer to go to the doctors with her and find out for SURE that she might or might to be able to have anymore children.

You have my condolences.

Answer 9

My mom had 11 miscarriages before she had me. She thought she'd never have children. (The doctor told her so.)

Tell her to keep trying!

Answer 10

idk much about it but my mom had 2 misscarriages and now has 3 kids if that helps, good luck !