how do u stop dwelling on your grown daughters ways and her negative lifestyle.she isnt a good parent,shes not

Question

neglegting them as far as food shelter ,but she doeant treat them right.The love and attention has much to be desired.Im so agree right now that I want to slap her to wake her up.since her divorce nobody and nothing else matters except her.I would never have guessed this would be how she ever would act.Her behavior isnt because she never had a good childhood or even adult hood.If you ask her,she will tell you how great her childhood and school years were .I think she wants to relive them but she cant ,shes not 20 anymore,shes 34

Answer 1

Is it not right, or just different from what you would do?

Share your concerns, and then let her decide. If she is not harming them, then there is little you can do.

We all have different perspectives on parenting. Some feel kids need to be babied until 18, others want them to learn to do things for themselves as soon as possible.

I grew up under a single mom, working two jobs, she was not always around. I learned to be very self sufficient. There is/was both good and bad from that circumstance.

My humble opinion...

Answer 2

Mom's always worry about their children, especially if they're the youngest or didn't "do as well" (e.g., lower grades, in trouble with the law, trouble managing finances, frequent job changes, etc) as the other siblings. In such circumstances, the mom could be 80 and their child 50 and they'd still worry about them. At some point, as painful as it might be to watch, every person has to be held accountable for their own actions, including the results that occur later from previous deeds.

I've had two children that I worried about,and they're both now in their twenties and doing very well. Patience, love, don't be too quick to interfere, and be there when they call on you (even if you can't always fulfill their request) helped me.

My oldest is now the mom to my first grandchild, and I think she and her hubby are doing a good job.

Answer 3

It sounds like the children could benefit by spending more time with their grandparents, which would give your daughter the self-time she seems to so desperately need after the divorce, and the kids would feel wanted and cared for. Divorce is a crazy time, of change and of re-evaluation of who you are as a person again, not just as a spouse. Seems that she could use some support instead of finger-pointing, which would go a long way to helping out those innocent kids.

Answer 4

You mentioned she has been like this since she divorced. Sometimes when people get divorced it takes awhile to get back into a "stable" routine. they have to readjust their whole life, it can be difficult for not only the divorcee and children, but also the people around who are watching this happen.

I think you should talk to her, in a very serious and concerned manner and explain to her what you see and why it concerns you. Offer to help her out while she is adjusting....and see what happens.

Answer 5

Stand by her and tell her what you think. I went through the same thing she did. I wanted to divorce my hubby because I was wanting to be the party girl again. On her days off I would tell her I needed her to watch my son so I could go out. This only went over twice because she was honest with me about how she felt. It made me see that my son is the most important thing in my life and I was not that girl with no responceablility. She got angrey and yelled. It did help though.

Answer 6

Sometimes parents have to remember that their children aren't children anymore. I have a sister who sounds a bit like your daughter. My mom nags her to death and she doesn't respond. Maybe try talking to her and remind her that when her children grow up they will hold against her everything she did wrong. Children need alot of attention, discipline and love. Ask her is she wants her children to have drug problems or other problems. Cuz if she doesn't give them enough attention they'll find it somewhere else. Anyway, talk to her like an adult not a child....eventhough she is your child

Answer 7

your daughter is being a selfish jerk. She needs to go to counseling to work through what is making her act this way. It may be related to her self esteem since her marriage broke up and she may be blaming the kids for causing problems that she and her ex caused themselves.

there is really nothing you can do, but be a loving grandmother, and hope she comes to her senses soon.

Answer 8

ok now that youve taken any blame off your shoulders by your statement of her 'good childhood and adulthood'....maybe you should realize she might be going thru a time that doesnt need your 'raising eye' anymore. concern for your grandchildren's welfare is commendable, but it seems youre more focused on her than them. find a way to bring a bit of extra happiness by participating lovingly in their lives. sounds like youre a bit bitter about something. well, seems so. peace

Answer 9

To answer your question, you cannot force your daughter to be a better parent --- ain't gonna happen, and unless she sees a problem, she ain't gonna get any help either. It will always be frustrating to you to wish she were better. About all you can do, is be a good grandmother to the children, and hold your tongue in their presence.... good luck, hon

Answer 10

You can't live their lives for them.They have to learn from their mistakes.But you can stop her from screwing up your grand kids.Get custody of them and give them the love and attention they need.It is better they be with you.Than social services finding out she treats them the way she does.And risk having them put into foster care or something.