How do i deal with this person???

Question

I have a friend. This friend is in her 60's, and she took me in when i was a young teenager and I didn't really have anyone else because my mother died. I lived with her for a couple of years, and then i met someone and decided to get married, but i had her permission to do that, thats not part of the problem. Anyways, around the time of the wedding she said a lot of hurtful things about my family. What hurt me the most is she was talking about my little sister, my grandmother, and even my dead mother in a negative way. I have tried to talk to her about it but she doesn't want me talking to her about it because she thinks i am trying to dissrespect her and im trying to be her peer which she keeps making clear she does not want to be. So i can't talk to her about how she made me feel. Now, after ive been married for over a year, she's mad at me for not keeping a relationship, and yet she isnt willing to talk to me about the past. I dont know what to do. Help please!!!!!

I dont know whether to have a relationship with her because she deserves it, even if it kills me inside to know that she is not sorry for talking bad about my family?? Or am i in the right for trying my best to stay away from her because i love my family?? Just because she took care of me does that mean that she has that right to do what she did, and i just should put up with it?? How do i give her the respect she deserves without ignoring what she said about my family?? By the way, what she said, my family did not deserve. I think she was just purely jealous. My family did not deserve that.

I would appreciate any input, even if i'm the one in the wrong here. Thank you!

Answer 1

She does not have the right to talk about your family just because she took care of you. But still, the fact remains that she did take care of you. I think you should take the high road, let go of your anger and hurt over what she said about your family, it's not doing you any good to dwell on it anyway. Rebuild a relationship with her, focus on the present and the future, not on past things that either of you might have done, but never forget how good she was to you by taking you in. Do this now, you just never know when someone's time will come. I lost two people last year that I cared for deeply but had let the relationships lapse, they were both dominant figures in my childhood and I adored both of them. I'll never be able to go back and talk to them, it's one of my biggest regrets. Don't make the same mistake I did. Good Luck.

Answer 2

You could write her a letter expressing your gratitude for taking you in when you had no place to go then address the issue of the hurt feelings. Tell her you would like to have a relationship with her but it is impossible until these past issues are cleared up. This is not about disrespect this is about hurt feelings. It may be she doesn't want to own up to the fact she did something wrong and is trying to manipulate the situation. Leave the ball in her court, then you can rest easy knowing you did everything you can to clear the air. It will be up to her to make the next move. She may or may not respond so be prepared. End the letter with sincere gratitude for all she did for you and express your love for her and desire to continue this relationship in a healthy way.

This won't be easy and she may not respond but at leas you tried. It must be painful for you since she was so good to you in other ways.

Answer 3

see, you should keep up the relation with her because she is the one who bought you up. she must have hurted your feelings in a lots of way but you need to control your emotions. "she talked bad about you family" but you are sure your family is good. if you believe in your family you will take it through one ear and drop it at the other end. now you have got a family, talk to her about it and never ever try to bring your old topics till she feels or says about it because if you try to put pressure in this topic on her she will only feel more angry and may say more hurting things. thats the human nature. live in the present and forget the past. think forward to your future. thats the best advice i can give you.
have a happy future and life. enjoy.

Answer 4

She is in her 60's. You are young, you can get pass things. Drop by once in a while like you would do with a relative. Have a cup of coffee with her, and talk about things she wants to talk about. drop a b-day and Christmas card in the mail and concentrate in enjoying your life.

You can only tell her that she is not allowed to speak bad about your family in front of you , but you can't make her feel sorry. She is old, give her a little break.

Answer 5

You know she was little jealous because you found someone and is marry now, and most likely she scare of being alone. You need to tell her that if she continue to talk bad about your family regardless of what they did or didn't do you don't want to hear it anymore and if she continue then you will have to stop talking to her. So out of respect for you and her it best that you tell her right out. And continue to talk to her as long as she don't cross the bounties.

Answer 6

I really think that this lady is having a hard time accepting the fact that she isn't as important in your life as she once was. I think the best way to address the problem is to write her a letter. She doesn't want to hear what you have to say but maybe she will read it. If you can't get her to resolve this issue, the friendship cannot continue.

Answer 7

she disrespected you by disgracing your family, she owes you an appology and you owe her nothing. tell her she can either talk it out with you or your relationship is over. shes taking advantage of you and is probably jealous that your husband is now the focus of your attention. you are both adults and she should treat you like one. If she is a friend then you are on equal ground regardless of age. for someone in her 60s shes acting immature

Answer 8

it seems 2 me (and er'body else) that she is having a hard time accepting your life as it moves on.when she said that your being disrespectful,i would have told her that she was being disrespectful,rude,and childish for what she was saying about your family!!!
i hope you told her thank you 4 all she ha done 4 you and leave it at that,because after that you OWE HER NOTHING ELSE!!!
if she cant be a grown up about then let her live her life how she wants to.and dont worry,you didnt do anything wrong

Answer 9

sometimes life can give you difficult situations to deal with, this is one of them.
pick out a beautiful card that reflects how you feel about her, put your thoughts down on stationary, enclose it w/ the card.
let her know you love her, you value the relationship but that in order to keep this relationship you have to talk & resolve this issue because it hurt you very much.
if she really cares about you she will call you and at that point you will be able to talk to her.
sometimes its better to write a letter, because you cant hang up a letter.

Answer 10

You are right to keep your distance from this person. It wad nice that she took you in and provided you with shelter but she has gone too far talkiing about your family. She needs to make the first move to apologize for disrespecting your family if she wants to maintain a relatiionship with you.