I'm thinking about going to co-depentent suppport group but its 100 miles away and will cost me $60 to go and I have to take off work. I don't really care for therapist or I can't find one that I'm comfortable with. I've been reading some of the signs of co-dependency and I think I have it and it wrecked a really great relationship. I blamed it on him until I understood what I was doing. But I think we have a chance or at least I have a chance if we can get well. So has anybody had any results? Don't want meds they just make it worse but I heard ritalin calms you down but I can't get a doctor to give it to me. I got to do something I'm really depressed and this is ruining my life. My work performance is down and I can't get excited about anything but golf and that depresses me because my ex always plays when I do in scrambles.
2007-03-27 09:23:32 · 3 answers · asked by teana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What is a co-dependency group? I know what co-dependency is, but why have a group....sounds like its a disease or something. Co-dependency is something many people misunderstand. When you are in a relationship or marriage, then co-dependency exists. You want to do things together....you need each other to make you feel whole....that doesnt mean you cant go out and do things on your own, or have friends to have coffee with. Co-dependency is normal and when you love somebody then it is natural to be co-dependent. Total dependency is when it becomes a problem. A person who can not stand to be on their own....to grill a spouse when they are 10 minutes late from work...always feeling lonely if they are not around....thats dependency...and that is unhealthy. Co-dependent means both of you are depending on each other equally....dependency means one sided......can you see the difference.
I agree with you about the therapy thing....thats an individual thing and you will not feel comfortable with all therapists....we are people too.....lol, If one counsellor doesnt do it for you, then try another one. If you havent got the money to attend a private counsellor, they do have counsellors associated with some organisations like the Samaritans or the Salvation Army....shop around.
I think any group with any name with people who are feeling like you would probably help....they are called self-help groups. I really am not impressed by labelling people/groups because where people are concerned there are many reasons why a person feels the way they do....and no-one should be categorised into being a certain type or having a certain trait to put them into any one specific category.
One thing I can tell you for a fact......you are suffereing depression. Ritalin will not help you calm down unless you are ADD or ADHD because Ritalin is speed and will only speed you up if you are not diagnosed with ADD/HD.
You are being so hard on yourself. Whatever you did you did for a reason....its the reason that needs to be worked on. Maybe you are a very insecure person. Maybe you have very low self esteem. Maybe your parents treated you badly....Maybe no-body liked you at school.....maybe you were the kid who sat in the corner with no friends. Can you see what I am getting at?.....There is Cause and there is Effect.....and the way we deal is usually because of a Cause. For some people the cause is obvious. For others it takes a while to get to the bottom of it.
Medication can help, but not on its own...medication with counselling I believe is the way to go. Medication will calm you down enough to alllow you to get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do.
If you had a broken leg, would you go to a hospital to get it fixed? Well, depression is a mental illness....the electrical impusles in your head are not doing what they are supposed to be doing. What modern anti-depresant medication usually does is try to get those electrical impuses working again.....but you really do need to get to the bottom of how and why you are feeling this way.....and when you are depressed it is near impossible to think logically.....that is why it would be helpful for you to find a counsellor you can "connect" with. Maybe a self-help group will help you, but going so far away to a co-dependency group wont do anything to help you. Groups work for some people, but for others it doesnt give them the help they need because the problems other people are experiencing are not your problems and how they deal is not how you deal...so sometimes groups can have the opposite effect to what you expected. I dont think groups work for heavily depressed people.....I think groups are good when you are coming out of your depression and are more able to talk more clearly and logically. Remember in a group setting you can have up to 10/15 people and only one counsellor, so it would be hard to give each person the time they needed.
Make a few phonecalls and see what organisations are around your area. I used to work as a counsellor for the Salvation Army, and I dont have any particular religious beliefs. Also attached to the Centre where I worked were professional people who would give their time voluntarily. Among them were massage therapists, psychologists, osteopaths, chiropractors. Help doesnt have to cost you money. The only thing it will cost you is your time. Also, dont be afraid to ring up the crisis line. Im sure the counsellors on-line can help you too.....they would also have a list of services in the area that they may think could help you.
There are a lot of different options for you and I hope you find the one that helps you most. Let those fingers do the walking and find someone you can talk to.
Or if you are not ready for that, I have a good ear....email me.
Take care
2007-03-27 09:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My experience with support groups such as these is most of the conversation is not for or about the co-dependent but about the person they are dependent upon. Just a lot of crying, bitching and asking why ask why. I came away more frustrated and confused than ever.
This may not be true in this instance. Ask if you can talk to a few of the people who have already attended or leave your phone number so someone who has been in this "class" can call you to get an honest perspective.
2007-03-27 09:38:43 · answer #2 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never tried but seriously... go get the book CODEPENDENT NO MORE.....it's easy reading and would be good for you. Good luck!
2007-03-27 09:40:31 · answer #3 · answered by caraanne2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋