A serious and difficult dillema. I have been married for 8 years now and we have 3 very young children.?

Question

5 months ago, I discovered my wife had an affair with my brother and when I discovered this, I also found out she was planning to leave me for him too as she fell out of love with me and in love with him. The reason is because I am in the forces and have spent a lot of time away and the b*****d was around to help with the kids. Well for some reason I found myself begging for her back because I do genuinely love her, and I cant bear thinking of life without her. Also, the dilema of the kids, what will happen with them, I would want custody of them, but my job might get in the way of all that etc. We have been working on it since. We havent had sex since and I am so desperate! She wont let me saying the thought makes her sick. This aside, believe me, I have been doing my best to salvage our relationship, but it doesnt seem to be getting anywhere. She wont see a counsellor as she doesnt think its worth the money. I am hurt and I dont know what to do. I just dont know my options.

Answer 1

She obviously doesn't want the relationship to work. It takes two willing people to work things out, and she doesn't seem to care. The best thing for the kids is to be in a healthy enviornment, which home probably isn't right now. File for divorce and get your kids as much as you can.

Answer 2

You really dont have a whole lot of viable options here. You can eithr stay in a one-sided love /loveless disaterous marriage or divorce her and move on to a better life. The bad news is chances are she will be awarded custody of your kids and youll get visitations and child support payments, unless you canprove that she is unfit to be a mother and above wont work.. She definitely doesnt want this marriage to work so shes refusing any attempt or idea to do so, which is why she wont do the counselor thing and is going to force you into a divorce. Chances are this fling with your brother is just temporary and wont last long so itll probably fall apart and she ll be back.. The choice but from here Id say youd be far better off moving on. Things will only start getting worse til they become unbearable which wont be good for the kids. As an Viet Nam vet and ex-pow, I commend you for your service to our country and will keep you in our prayers to remain safe wherever you go. Good luck

Answer 3

Start looking for options in terms of child care for when you are away. Is there a sibling, parent, or tried-and-true trusted friend you can have take care of the children while you are away? Once you know your children will be cared for no matter what the circumstances, you will feel more secure. In the meantime, get an attorney and get the ball rolling. You deserve so much better out of life, and are performing such a service being involved in the military. You put your life on the line, and she cut her rope without thinking of the consequences.

Your happiness is worth more than money can buy, so go see a counselor when you feel up to it. Don't concern yourself with her decision. If she is a cold, callous person, it won't do her any good because she'll have a closed mind from the start.

And please don't stay miserable because of the children. Believe me, they'll see it and worry that it's their fault. Stay close with them at all costs, and let them know how much you love them and that nothing will ever change your love for them. Mommy and Daddy don't have to be together in order for you to have a positive impact on their lives.

Good luck and best wishes for a happy future for you and your children.

Answer 4

You say your in the forces? That should not prevent you from obtaining full custody. I am in the military and have full custody and know several single parents, we all just have dependent care plans. Have that in place now just in case all this doesn't work out. By the sounds of it I don't think she is really into making it work. You don't deserve that and as this happening cause you were away is bs...she uses that as an excuse. Is she so weak and shallow that she would not only cheat on you but with your brother. She has done a large amount of damage, and your brother has crossed the line too. I will honestly say however, women are minipulitive so who knows what was really said to your brother from your wife, except the two of them. You want to forgive her that is your choice but have your ducks in a row because the chances are high you will get burned again staying with her.

Answer 5

First of all, Thank you for protecting my freedom! Second, it sounds like she just does not want to be in the relationship any longer and she is looking at things through a glass window. (the grass is always greener on the other side until you find that once over there you have only hay) I suggest that you get yourself an attorney, in most states if you file first and mention that the kids are living with you, you will be granted temporary custody until a hearing is set for it. This motion will have to be set in action quickly. If she files first she will get the kids. If you have them she has to prove you unfit to care for the children. Most times when filing a motion for divorce the judge will ask if you have been living apart for at least 6 months, if not he or she will order counseling for you both. If she denies to go or to work on the relationship then the judge will grant the divorce to you and leave the custody to the family courts but place them with you. I hope this helps you. Good Luck!

Answer 6

First of all I want to say my heart goes out to you and your children. A cheating spouse is hard enough to deal with. I have a friend that is married and has a child. he was in Iraq and was injured, while he was there his wife cheated on him and became pregnant with another mans baby this was very hard for him to get through also. but when he came home he decided if that is what she wanted then he would not stand in her way because she hurt him bad. He is divorcing her and trying to get custody of his child or at least partial because he doesn't want to take his child from the mother. You need to do what is right for you and the children. I agree what most people said, look into some counseling for you and the children. You need alot of support at this time, and I'm sure you can find some of that here. There are other women out there for you, when you are ready. good luck

Answer 7

Honestly, if she isnt willing to do what it takes to help you get over this than she isnt really all that sorry. I know it will be hard for the children if you leave her, but I think it is important for childrent to see parents who love each other and communicate lovingly and openly. You and your wife are an example of what a marriage should be for your children, if she isnt willing to fix the problem then you two arent going to get anywhere, im sure the children can pick up on the tension and hostility. If your child was in this situation what would you reccomend that they do? Good luck with this, I hope your wife has a change in heart and your marriage works out. If you and her can work past this your marriage will be much stronger, but both parties must be willing.

Answer 8

She might not want to go to counseling, but you surely can go on your own. There are issues that you'll have to deal with, like why are you trying so desperately to hold on to a woman who not only says the thought of having sex with you makes her sick, which is harsh, but she had an affair with your brother of all people. So you have issues to deal with, not only about her, but about your sibling also.

Take some time away from the situation, go seek counseling for yourself. You can not salvage this relationship on your own, if she isn't willing to meet you 1/2 way, there really isn't much hope for anything. But seek counseling and a professional may be able to give you the tools needed to make headway with your wife.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Hmmm.... My suggestion is to leave the mariage and relationship that way alone, for it is ovious that she dosen't have the respect for you that you deserve to keep this relationship in a working order.... I would say that unless you are in a wierd county of a state, you will mostly likely loose primary custody on the children. Though, if you had a way to have someone take care of them while you were gone that would be a different deal. But I forsee that you won't win that one, expecially since you are gone with the forces...

I'd say, talk to a lawyer in your area about your options is your best best. Maybe there is a way to keep custody, but trying to keep any sort of relationship is bogus at this point. She needs to make an effort for that to happen, especially when it's her fault.

Answer 10

Tom come on ! ask urself do u need this kind of unfaithful wife????????????? Yes i can understand that D kids might need her but which kind of life she can give them??? They will never want to c their mother sleeping wid there uncle? Just Divorce n try to take d custody of d kids ,tell d court about her charecter m sure that u will win d case.
I know life is short but dear not so short also that u cant marry again? May b God wanted this? may b u will find someone better than her?? Love who loves u ! U cant force anyone to love u n continue d relationship! Just let her go. Sooner or latter she will understand ,what she Lost!


Best of luck!