What should I say to my sister-in-law? (Besides "Cut it out or I'm gonna beat your ***?")?

Question

My sister-in-law (brother's wife) has a huge crush on my fiancee. She is always flirting with him and wearing really low-cut shirts whenever he's around. She makes comments about what a good-looking guy he is, and how sweet, and what a great dad he'll be. Not just in a "being nice" way, but in a "I am completely infatuated with him" way. He now refuses to go to dinner with my family if she's going to be there because she makes him uncomfortable. He in no way encourages her, he thinks she's gross (she weighs about 250 pounds) and he feels bad for my brother. What is a tactful way to tell her to stop it, without totally creating a rift in the family? I have talked to my brother, he is fed-up with it, too, and told me to do whatever I feel I need to do. Suggestions on what to say?

Answer 1

I would confront her on it, but not in too negative a way. That will make you look threatened, as if she actually had a shot. I would be sarcastic and embarrass her. Say something like, "Oh, here comes - guess it's time for my fiance to start getting hit on." or -- "Hey , why is it that you always wear the low-cut stuff around my guy? Giving him a show? You know he's in love with me, right?"

Basically, just call her out on it, but do it in a funny way. Make fun of her a bit -- show that you absolutely know what she's doing, and couldn't care less. Making people feel stupid is the best way to get them to stop doing something.

Answer 2

I'm sure there is a way for you to handle the situation, without it causing a family problem or anything of the sort.

Just talk to her alone sometime, and let her know that her actions (especially as a married woman) are very innapropriate, and are making you all very uncomfortable. Just leave it at that. There is no reason to be mean or hurtful about it. Just tell her that what she is doing is not acceptable, but do it in a nice way.. so that it doesn't create another problem.

Also, I really think that your brother (her husband) should really handle things with his wife.. and let her know that she is very out of line with her behavior towards your fiance.

I hope everything works out so that there's not any tension in the family.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Well, I wish I had stood up to my sister and my ex husband. She was all over him for years. Always calling him to help her out . She was a drinker and partier. I was too busy working and taking care of the kids to party and drink. I was never that when we were dating and I was going to start now. To make this short and sweet . The reason for he divorce was he was cheating with her under the we are just friends statement.
I had a receipt for diamond earrings he got her plus witness.
Come right out and tell her to her face to stop or you will not becoming around. She may think it is harmless but it is not.
What happens when she loses weight and is a cute thing. Your fiancee may not be turned off. Who knows what iwll happen if they get drunk . That is what happen between my ex and sister. Tell her to stop , tell your brother that the two of you need to tell her together. Then stand up. If she starts, tell her we have talked to you before about your actions. No more we will have nothing to do with you until you control yourself. You will be glad you did. She maybe mad for a while but she will get over it. If not you have not lost anything.

Answer 4

Take your sister-in-law out to lunch and have a good old fashioned heart to heart with her. Sometimes when someone acts the way she is she may be dealing with very low self-esteem issues and maybe your brother isn't making her feel very good about herself, etc. Tell her that you've notice that she thinks your fiance is a great guy, etc. and you, of course, agree, but that it has begun to make both you and your fiance very uncomfortable and you would like it if she would back off. A direct but kind approach is always best, I believe. She may not be aware of how obvious she is being. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Well you need to be honest with her and tell her to leave your man alone. Also she should be talking like that to her own husband. If it doesn't work by trying the nice honest approach then just tell her that if she doesn't stop you and your husband are going to file harassment charges against her. You did say that your brother told you to do what you think you need to do. Maybe a threat is all she needs. I would also have to let the family know what is going on so that they can see that it isn't you that is causing the problem but that it is her. I would have your brother in on that meeting as well so that he knows that you aren't wanting to hurt him, you just want this to stop.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

you may have to just sit down and have a talk with her and tell her it makes you and your fiancee uncomfortable when she acts the way she does around him. Talk her out and try not to hurt her feelings. Maybe its her way of being friendly or looking for some sort of complimlent back..I'm sure at 250 lbs she isn't feeling so confident these days and maybe she is just trying to make him feel comfortable and help him fit in.
Not realizing she is doing the opposite. Talk to her One on one..

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Ask your sister-in-law out for coffee where it'll be a neutral territory and in public. Say to her " I know I am really lucky to have such a wonderful fiance but I think you have gone overboard with your 'friendlyness' toward him" " you are making me feel uncomfortable with your never ending comments about him and frankly he is feeling uneasy too" " The reason I asked you to coffee was to clear this up between us, I really want you to stop focusing on him so much it really is upsetting us and hurting my feelings"" so, can I count on you to lay low and back off?" "I don't mean to hurt your feelings but I wanted to be honest with you about how I feel"
Good Luck, and if she doesn't cut it out....flat out tell the whore to quit flirting with your man!

Answer 9

Beating around the bush is not going to solve anything. Come right out and say it. If your brother agrees with you, then the family rift will be healable.

Answer 10

I was faced with a like situation and the b*** waited seventeen years plus to pull ever worse stuff. This woman has bad plans in store for you and your family. My suggestion would be to cut ties with her, leave her out of things at your place. She wants center stage.
I was ultra nice with my sister in law and nothing helped. She is a sick chick (my sister in law). Today, she has no friends.