What do you think about a person who focuses on your negative points instead of their own?

Question

I have a friend who constantly focuses on the negative points on other people instead of their own. For example. They are always telling a friend of mine about how she procrastinates alot, when they are a procrastinator themselves. How to you handle a person like this?

Answer 1

It's a defensive mechanism.

When this person spends all of of his/her time pointing out the weaknesses/faults of others, it helps them not focus on their own. (Which is something a person like this desperately wants to avoid.) However, it is also a way to gain attention from others by people listening to their opinion and even joining in on bashing someone else (validating that opinion).

Best thing to do.... Difficult to say. Some are not ready to face their own demons (and they won't no matter what you do). So challenging them won't always work.

Best choice, don't validate by listening to them. Don't encourage the behavior by joining in on it.

Answer 2

There are a few issues here.

Get off the ego ladder:

First is the problem of 'king of the hill' or those trying to have a relationship to show they are better than everyone else based on their money, children, traits etc. That helps them feel superior if they can 'put down' other people. This is an unhealthy way of looking at people. No matter who you push beneath you on the hill there is always someone on top telling or feeling you are weaker than they are. Therefore, no one can truly be number one. Your ego needs to put other people down to feel ok

The answer is to get off 'the hill' and be on level ground. Meet people by seeking to understand the individual talents.
. Every parent knows they have more talent at the time of their child's birth. No one would normally thinks of the infant 'less talented than others' because he doesn't know anything at the time. They seek to find out about their new child's needs, wants, talents and personality. This is a better way to treat all other people.

The 'king of the hill' attitudes make us insecure and always fighting to be better than another person in every aspect of life. We know this is a false way of looking at our self because one may not always have every talent and be the top of each field. Someone will beat you.

Procrastination:
In Myers Briggs personality test result. The last letter of results is either 'P' or 'J.' Those with a 'P' generally seek to put out last minute fires rather than having a fixed plan to avoid them. 'P' s tend to procrastinate as they work better under pressure of time.
They use their adrenaline to come up with some very unique answers to situations rather than the normal preventable actions. Therefore procrastinators should usually be given a 15 minute leeway time to arrive before the real meeting should be taking place. They often look around to see at home if there is one last thing they need to accomplish before the meeting takes place. Therefore it is a personality trait that needs an accomodation of earlier time schedules.

Another issue is called by counselors transferrance. To identify if you have this you can ask which behavior does that person have that is similar to them (such as procrastination).

The person may hate this trait and try to modify their own guilt or fears about it by giving the problem to someone else. This is like a man who has had affairs accuse his wife who is faithful, of having them. Counselors can use transference to help solve the emotional problems caused by these traits.
The client is allowed to transfer their faults to the counselor and then in a safe environment work on these faults. This is usually a freudian technique.

Answer 3

This is the answer you are looking for, some people like to nit-pick at others faults while avoiding their own. Seems as if though in their own views and objections to others, their own is certainly overlooked. Clearly they are in denialof their own downfalls, because even though they know, they won't bring it up in conversation and make someone else the target of their own inadequacies. In a way like like when you were younger and instead of mentioning that it is your situation, you say.. "well I have a friend with this problem...", this is more of the same attitude, just the person avoiding pinning the tail on him/her-self

Answer 4

I hate it when people are like this. I have the same problem with my boyfriend. He looks at me and tells me my faults and why I do this or why I do that, but he dont look at what he does himself. I dont understand people like this personally. I dont really know how I can tell you to handle a person like this because I cant even handle my own boyfriend!! if someone is this way their isnt a way for them to change.

Answer 5

They are very insecure. They maybe finding pleasure in other peoples downfalls to make themselves look and feel better(at least in their eyes they are better). There a a lot of people out in this world that do that constantly.

Answer 6

Someone who does that is trying to make themselves look and/or feel superior to you by focusing all their attention on your flaws. They mistakenly believe it will detract attention from their own :)

If it were one of my friends I would feel comfortable enough to laugh at her and say, "PUL-EASE, you are SUCH a procrastinator!!"

Answer 7

"HEY. YOU. STFU."

ok i might not actually say that, but i dreamt of saying that once ^-^ just need to show my aggressive side once in a while. maybe you should just do what they do, regardless of "two wrongs dont make a right" or just ignore them. i mean, the getter-downers get annoying most of the time, so its easy to ignore.

Answer 8

insecure!