Question for husbands regarding help with the children?

Question

My husband and I have an active 18 month old. I am a stay at home mom and he works 6 am until 2 pm monday thru friday and he is off on the weekends. i do all of the housework and taking care of the baby while he is at work and i also run errands pay bills and cook (the usual) ...do you think that it is too much to expect hubby to help me on saturday and sundaY with our child and household tasks since he is off on those days see because actually 7 days a week i do 100% of the changing bathing and taking care of baby and home etc...and i told him he gets 2 days off from work and when he gets home during the week he does not help me at all with the baby...i dont expect him to help during the week at all but i would like on sat or sun some help. i have not had a break at all since the baby was born so i thought it would be fair for hubby sleep in on sat morning and me sleep in on sun morning at least we can have 1 day during the whole week to sleep in. how much should hubby help me??

Answer 1

As a husband and a father of a 4 year old and a 2 week old, and in the exact same situation you're in, I can tell you that we (the husband) have to help our women with the children. I help my wife when I can, true, sometimes when I get home from work, I'm really tired b/c the baby has kept me up all night, but that does not release me of my responsibilities as a husband and a father. It is hard...trust me, I know. It is NOT too much to ask for help on the weekends...or any other day for that matter.

It's a 50/50 relationship. Just because you had children doesn't change that fact. He should help you all he can when he gets off work and on the weekends. My willingly allow my wife to sleep in on the weekends and get a nap in during the week while I can. Having children is a 24/7 job, not just a 48 hour job on the weekend...if he's not willing to help, maybe he shouldn't have planted his seed in you.

That's my take on it...he should help you all he can....I work 50+ hours every week, that doesn't release me from my responsibilities as a husband or a father. Not only should he make time for the children, he needs to make special time for you as well. It's hard, but I do everything I can to keep my wife and my children happy. Doing that keeps me happy. When Mom's Happy, everyone is happy. I'm not saying to not do things for himself....I do things for myself as well...but I make sure my family comes first and their needs are met, then I can worry about my own needs...and then most of the time I don't even have to worry about that b/c my lovely wife makes sure I get the time from her just like I give the time TO her...

Hope this helps...he needs to step up and be a father...it's not easy, but it is what it is.

Answer 2

First of all, he should want to spend time with his new child when he gets home. I can see letting him sit and relax for a few when he gets home, but he should be helping everyday not just on a weekend. He works the normal 8 hour day like everyone else does so it's not like he is working 12 hrs. a day and can't do anything but rest when he gets home. I would put my foot down now before it continues this way forever. It's his kid too and he needs to step up to the plate and act like it. He should be sharing in the feeding and bathing of his kid, not every day, but a few times a week. He sounds very lazy and uninvolved with his own child. This is how we bond with our kids... by changing them.. feeding them, playing with them while you get dinner ready at least. He also lives in that house and should share the chores as well. You are letting him off way too easy.

Answer 3

Didn't he help make this baby? He shouldn't be allowed to have the fun of making the baby and not do some of the work of caring for the baby. Marriage and parenting and housecare are all a 50 50 thing in relationships. I would have to say you need to stand up for yourself, and tell him how you feel. If that doesn't work plan a day trip with some friends and just tell him he has to watch the baby. Maybe one day with his child will make him want to be more involved every day. If not then once a month make dates with your friends and just take a day off. It won't hurt him or the baby. Besides you need a break every now and then.

Answer 4

You two need to negotiate something for the weekend. However, I can't believe that he doesn't help AT ALL. It's different if you would just say you want MORE help. Well, the two of you need to talk.
Lots of moms go through what you have. I have as well, and had the added problem of having my husband work away from where we lived for weeks at a time when the child was little. How I wished he was just THERE, let alone helping out!

Answer 5

It's not wrong to ask for help but you need to realize you cannot expect him to jump at the first opportunity. Maybe give him baby steps of helping with small household chores first and then see where it leads. He is used to not having a thing to do during the week including baby and then you throw on him to do it all over the weekend.

Answer 6

I was and am in an identical relationship - and I take pride in the fact that I help out around the house - not just on Saturday & Sunday.... We work as a team, and we did tag-team duty on diapering & 2AM feedings.
And I had a 90 minute commute, one way, when my kids were born to the time they were 8 and 9. I believe it helped in establishing the kid/parent relationship - they SEE both of us working around the house, they KNOW they can go to either of us with a problem, and my wife & I are closer because we DO work as a team.

Answer 7

There are many possibilities. It doesn't seem unreasonable that you want him to help.

However, it's possible that he is not comfortable, or that he is doing many other chores and things on the weekend.

It's also possible that when he does help, you complain about how he does it, and he is less likely to want to help after being scolded for not doing it your way.

Only you know what is going on. Is it a matter of him being nervous about caring for the baby? Where he just needs some coaching or confidence building? Has he given up, because he is unable to meet your standard. Or does he think he is helping, and you each just have different views?

Answer 8

they'll finally devolve to the hunter-gatherer state, which may be a situation in case you reside in a city. you could come homestead to discover your goldfish have been cooked over a hearth made via burning the settee and your baby working around bare and screaming like a chimpanzee on a similar time as your husband possibilities lice out of his hair and eats them like some mountain gorilla. Hypothetically conversing, of course. this might take 14-37 hours to ensue, relying on situations.

Answer 9

We have the arrangement with sleep in days, although I take courses on my sleep in days, so I really dont get one ughh.

He doesnt help out that much. He will if I ask him to, but I HAVE to ask. But mine works 12 hour days, and is exhausted when he gets home. So I dont ask him to do anything. If he had a nicer schedule like yours where hes home at 3pm I would be asking him to do more.

He will do it if he asks, its my fault for not asking him more.

Answer 10

WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 29YRS AND WE HAVE 3SONS NOW IN THEIR 20S BUT MY HUSBAND WORKED LONG HRS AND STILL CAME HOME AND CHANGED DIAPHERS TOOK A NIGHT EVER WEEK THAT HE COOKED AND WE DID THE DISHES TOGETHER OR ONE OF US DID FOR THE KIDS AND THE OTHER DID THE DISHES STAYING HOME DOES MEAN YOU R NOT WORKING IT MEANS YOU R NOT GETTING PAID TO WORK I ALWAYS THOUGH IT TAKE A FLY TO RAISE KIDS A MOM AND A DAD 2 OF MY SONS HAVE BABYS AND THEY HELP THIER WIFES A LOT ONE OF MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS WKS AND THE OTHER DOESNT BUT MY SONS ARE DADDY ANY WAY THEY SEEN THEIR DAD COME IN FROME A 12HR SIFT AND TAKE THEM OUT FOR A WALK OR PLAY IN THE FLOOR WITH THEM SO I COULD GO GET A LONG BATH OR RELAX FOR A WHILE IT TAKES 2 TO MAKE A BABY IT TAKES 2 TO RAISE THEM RIGHT