I am stressed out with my fionce!?

Question

Well my hubby is incarcerated until January 12 2010 and I am stressed because i got a lot on my plate. I have to get my license, get my GED also get my medical assistant certification. Then buy a car. Then in December of 09 i have to travel 5 hours away by myself and find us a apartment and fine myself a job so when he gets out he has a residence to stay at and a address to give them. Dose this sound like a lot of do you guys think it can be done. I am not a very stressfully person but this is stressing me out alotttt!!! But i have almost 3 years to do this all Plus we want to get married before he gets out do you think i can do it? I have a really good paying job right now i do catering for nike but i will have to give up that job for us to start a new life and have a better life in another place so he can stay out of gangs and not get into trouble

Answer 1

Oh dear, you are biting off a hell of a lot. You have to move so he can start afresh, so he will stay out of gangs, so he will not get into trouble? You are making a lot of sacrifices for this man. He must be very easily led if you have to move somewhere so he wont be suckered into joining a gang. If he has a gang mentality, then what is stopping him forming his own gang? The only thing that would be in your favour is if he is seeking counselling while he is in jail......Is there a rehabilitation program in place for him? If he is just biding his time, with no counselling, with no rehabilitation, then I think you are kidding yourself if you think he will be a changed man when he comes out.

You know the reason judges will try to keep youth out of detention centres when they are under 18? They do it, because it is common knowledge, if they werent really a criminal before they went in, they most certainly will be when they come out. I worked with youth for many years and they have told me horrific stories about when they were in detention centres....they learnt how to pick locks....they learnt how to steal cars....they got into drugs. Its a real criminal element in detention centres and jails. Your fiance is rubbing shoulders with criminals on a daily basis....he may have formed a gang in jail. You have to be sure that he is a different person before you should even think about marrying him. It is 2007 now. I would wait 2 years.....see if your fiance has really changed before I would be even thinking about making any moves. For the next 2 years....see where you head....see where your career leads you. You will also see if he is serious or not in wanting to change.

I think youre jumping the gun right now. You have time to sort this out in your head. In two years, he may have committed a crime in jail and he gets longer. In two years time, you may be a Manager of a Nike store. In two years time a man could come along who will sweep you off your feet....a man who does not have a record....a man with a good job.....a man who would be a wonderful role model to your future children.

Things change, people do drift apart....time seems to do that. I know you love your fiance and maybe he will be a totally different man in 3 years time....but maybe he wont too. You wont know that for a couple of years anyway...so why waste time stressing about a situation when you havent given it the time to see if he will be rehabilitated because I know you wouldnt want a criminal mind as a husband because, not only would you be worrying what kind of trouble he could be getting into while he is away, but he really would be a terrible influence in your future children's lives. Wait is the only sensible advice I can give you. Wait 2 years, then decide he is worth turning your life upside down for.

Take care.

Answer 2

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Make no mistake, the opportunity is out there for EVERYONE regardless of age or current circumstances. Thing is, where do you go? where do you begin? who's trying to rip you off? (plenty off those around).

I believe i've found a solution. A way to enable you to enjoy a realistic liveable income from the comfort of your home if you're able to follow simple instructions (video tutorials), apply some genuine effort (nothings going to FALL into your laptrust me on that), then there's absolutely no reason why YOU can't enjoy a better life.


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Answer 3

1st question - How old are you?

You seem to be in a fantasy world about your relationship with your fionce (really spelled fiance').
He has you really going.

And, no matter where you move to, that does not guarantee that he will stay away from gangs, that has to be a choice that he has to make.

You have your hopes really high, and I hope that he does not let you down.

So, you are planning on being single for the next 3 years until he comes home?

Jobs are hard to come by, so I would not give up my job so easily.

He made this mess for himself, you need to make him take some responsibility in getting out of it and get you all back on the right track. You seem to be taking over and doing everything.

Answer 4

No, no no and NO.

First of all, he is NOT your hubby.
Second of all your are UNDERAGE
Third he is a CONVICTED criminal.

Do not make any plans to marry this guy, You are young and think that he is the "only one" because you don't know anything else and are naive and easily manipulated.
He has no choice but to string you alone and play with your head so he has a place to live and food on the table when he gets out of jail. This is too much for a teenager like you. You should be thinking about school and not supporting a con.

YOU can do MUCH better than this! Do not ruin your life by jumping in to a sinking ship. terminate your relationship with this criminal and find someone to have fun with and have a normal life.'

Good luck

Answer 5

I think you are wasting your time with waiting for him to get out of jail. He will probably go back to being a gang again. I really think you should be on your own and do these things that you want to accomplish. Why are you doing all this for him? You should do it for yourself. What is going to happen if he returns back to being in gangs?

It would be a miracle if he decides to not go back to gangs and starts realizing that what he did wrong in the past, was not a way of a life to live.

I think you should not marry him until you see that he is capable of taking care of you, has a good job, stays out of trouble etc..... Don't live together with him until you two are married, if you want to do it right. Plus, don't give up your job or school or your dreams just yet.... things don't happen over night, that's why you should wait to see what type of person he will become when he is out. Something to think about.

Answer 6

sounds like the last thing you should be thinking about is marriage. especially since he's in jail and needs to get his act together and prove that he can be a dependable person.
you don't have a drivers license OR a highschool education. focus on yourself and getting an education before you even think of branching off into a relationship and moving your life to an unfamiliar place. 3 years is a LONG time. your whole life could change by then.

Answer 7

If you had a daughter who asked the question you just asked, what would your answer be? If you were my daughter, I would ask you why you feel like a guy who is going to be locked up for the next 3 years, is the best you think you can do. Is this the guy you want to be the father of your children? Focus on your education. Take care of yourself, and forget about this guy. He is a loser, and will probably always be a loser.

Answer 8

Is this your fiance or your son? What makes you think that moving is going to keep him out of gangs and trouble? If you want a life of taking care of someone I can tell you from experience that you will lose that urge in the next few years. Instead of worrying about him, use your time to get the education you need to improve yourself and get the life YOU want. I doubt he was worried about you when he got himself busted.

Answer 9

I could be an idiot and say go for it. But I am gonna be point blank honest with you. You seriously need to re read what you posted and go and think about it. He is in Jail. Most people once in jail always in jail. Think about it. I don't know what he did. Or do I care. I just know your talking alot in. And you shouldn't have too.
Honest point:
If that was me. Girlfriend I would so F***ing long gone God wouldn't be able to find me. I would say you know what. This is to much for me. The stress is going to make my health not that great. I love you. But I have to set you free.

You don't need to put up with someone that is making you do things. Like travel to find his @$$ a place to live and all that! I would sit down with your friends and family and go from there. Take my advice. I have a realitive that did this sh!t too and she ended up dead.

Answer 10

look here lady- i think u can def. do it but yes it will and might stress you out to do all of those things by the time he gets out. Still u must realize one sorry as5 truth: he will change only if he is ready to be different.
I do not put him down but let me tell u- your story is very similar to my brothers girfriend, he was in jail, she worked, got her license, went to school for med. billing, bought a car before he got out, they didnt make big moves like u moving for him but my point is my bro still gets in trouble despite all his promises..... u say he will be out of gangs? but what mentality is he equiped with? how will he channel his energy? my bro works but still thinks he can do whatever he wants and not get busted but he just did!. they were gonna get married in there too.