I have walked my fill of the wax and wane
Of snow on concrete
The cut of light on glass and mirrors and images
all too shallow for the soul.
Winter accolades and the nothing taste of hoar frost
-- however beautiful
promising devastating imperishability
when all I wanted was the fragile yield
of a crushed blossom.
September's song came in barest spring,
In a gaze of late summer leaves
And hands sure and slow as dog day gloaming.
I have had walked my fill of snow on glass and the wax and
wane of mirror images.
Bring me deep into your season.
2007-03-27 07:02:29 · 4 answers · asked by lotusice 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Not at all bad!!! I like..... :) Well done.
2007-03-27 07:07:04 · answer #1 · answered by - 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's some grammatical inconsistencies that make it hard to follow. I love the first strophe, but unsure how the rest of it connects. Make sure each sentence (since you are using periods) has a subject and a properly conjugated verb--exa. winter accolades and the nothing taste don't do anything and "have had".
Unsure of how September's song can come in spring...I think you're more in love with the rhythm of the language than the meaning of the language. Unfortunately, words do, in the end, have to mean something otherwise it's only music.
Keep working on it. Tease it out.
2007-03-30 18:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love it! - don't listen to any critics. Your glass is definitely half full not half empty! :-)
2007-03-27 07:09:22 · answer #3 · answered by Ralph 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it...very melancholy feel.
2007-03-27 08:19:10 · answer #4 · answered by malika 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋