Moral dilemma!!! Intruding nephew. What should I do?

Question

I just got married on Feb 17 to my fiance of 4 years. Right before this his 21 yearold nephew came out of nowhere and asked my husband to help him get a job. My husband hired him. He would rarely make it to work on time or show up at all. He than asked to move into our house after the wedding so he could get himselg in a position to save money and make it to work. That was the plan. He goes out and parties all the time and still is rarely making it to work. My husband is in a very high position in his company and this is making him look bad. I told my husband that the situation is not working and the kid needs to leave. He tells me I can leave. He comes in at all hours whenever he feels like it. He hasnt given me any money for bills or food and he is a complete slob and wont clean up after himself much less offer to do any daily chores. I also believe he is doing drugs. What should I do? I cant help but think that my brand new marraige is coming to a quick end!

Answer 1

You should leave to make your point crystal clear. Then make your "husband" beg for you to come back.

Answer 2

Your husband needs to get some balls and set the record straight for this kid; Yes KID! This nephew is taking full advantage of this ideal situation he is in; and Yes it is going to make your husband look bad.

Wait a minute...Did you say that your husband told YOU that you could leave instead of the nephew?! Is that what you said? If your husband said that, then his priorities are in the wrong place dear. His role as a husband is to be a devoted and loving partner to you and to see to your needs and honor your suggestions. If he really said this, then you have more problems to deal with on top of his nephew.

This is stressing you and worrying you. Please sit down with your husband and have a discussion, NOT AN ARGUMENT, about the situation and about how you feel. If he just blows you off and does not take anything you say into consideration, then you have married someone who you thought was the perfect man and now his true colors are appearing. I can tell you from experience that when family members from both sides are allowed too much access into the family you are trying to build, then there is sure trouble on the horizon. This nephew is a burden and a thorn in the side of your family and he has got to go.

Talk to your husband and try to open his eyes to this stressful situation. This breaks my heart to hear of this happening :-( This is your marriage, don't let some punk ruin it! Stay strong and keep your head up. Your husband is going to have to wake up to the situation and I hope he does it soon.

Bless you!

Answer 3

Your real problem is with your husband. Why is he going to such lengths to help/protect the nephew, and showing no consideration of his wife's needs or feelings?

Approach your husband calmly, without accusation. Tell him that the nephew's behavior is becoming detrimental to both your husband's career and your marriage. Ask your husband why he is so commited to putting up with the nephew's behavior, and if there is a better way to meet the nephew's needs without harming the two of you.

Offer to compromise: you will respect your husband's wish to have the nephew continue living in the house, but the nephew needs to contribute in specific ways - he must wash his own clothes and dishes, his personal items must be kept in his own room, he must pay rent of X amount every month, he will be immediately fired the next time he misses work, if any drugs are found in his possessions the cops will be called and he is permanently booted out of the house.

It is important that you reach an understanding and a mutual agreement with your husband first, and then approach the nephew as a united front.

Answer 4

Tell your husband that while the two of them are at work tomorrow, you will be packing the nephew's stuff and it will be on the steps when they get home. If your husband lets him back in, you need to tell your husband, that either he (the nephew) leaves or you will be leaving. Stand strong and help the guy out, right now, you are your husband are not helping him, you are just enablers and making it so he can keep living without any fear of where he will sleep or when he will eat next...

Answer 5

When you say "he tells me to leave" is it your husband or his nephew telling you that?

You need to sit down with your husband and discuss this issue with him in a calm manner. Unfortunatly, family is thicker than water and even though your husband may or may not agree with you, he may take his nephew's side in this so be prepared. The only way you are going to find out is sit down and talk with your husband.

Another idea is to go to marriage counseling. Your marriage is new but the realtionship you have with your husband is 4 years old so you two have had to have learned how to communicate during this time and how to work out problems and conflict. Unfortunatly, there is nothing worse to put strains on a marriage than a disrespectful family member.

Both of you need to make and set ground rules for the nephew, i.e. curfew, draw a contract up for rent, etc. In that contract and ground rules, state if it isn't adhered to then these are the consequences....eviction, etc.

I never refer anyone to jobs anymore as I got shafted a few times by similar situations and it does come back to bite you in the rear.

If your husband is not the nephews' direct supervisor, then the issues with the job really are not his concern (i.e. leave that to the kids' supervisor).

Don't hound your husband in this as he may be feeling the pressure as you are and face it, men do not respond the way we do....they hold it in. Good Luck and my prayers are with you.

Answer 6

I know how you feel, My sister in law lives with me and she is a slob and a half, don't go to school or work but goes and party's like theirs no tomorrow. It's your house too, if your husband doesn't back you up then that's his problem just don't come and complain when he looks bad at work, set you foot down and have along talk with your husband, they both can leave or you leave either way he'll eventually get tired and then when gets fired for his nephew mistakes hill come back and try to works things out and then it's your turn to make him feel like crap...

Answer 7

Well, I don't advocate leaving, but if you do, this might wake your husband up. He'll be thinking....oh my, she really was serious about this....

The nephew is definitely taking advantage of your hospitality. Even though your husband has a high position and his nephew is making him look bad, I guarantee you that this will backfire on him eventually. Just give it enough time and the people above your husband will get fed up. They will threaten to fire your husband if he doesn't do something about his nephew or fire the nephew themselves.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear that. The nephew certainly needs to grow up. Considering the condition he is leaving your house, you could probably use a break. Why don't you stay at a hotel for a few days and leave your husband to be responsible for him. I doubt if it takes long to get rid of him. Good luck.

Answer 9

You have a problem. If you new husband puts this monster ahead of you you might as well take a back seat to everyone. Might want to check yourself on how you presented the need to remove this user from the address. Demand is not appropriate. Helpful is a better delivery.

Answer 10

if you just got married and he can let you go that easily the pack your stuff and start heading out that door. Your husband should not let his nephew run your house. Set some boundries or the kid needs to go. Good luck!!!

Answer 11

That's a tough spot to be in. I understand that he feels like he needs to help his nephew but....It is my opinion that a man or woman needs to make his/her family ( wife and kids) his immediate priority. Everyone else should come second. If he's telling you to leave, sweetie, maybe he's not the man you thought he was.