Question regarding child support and visitation?

Question

My sister just ended a 6 year relationship with her boyfriend and father of her two boys.

At first she thought the two of them would just agree to a "set amount" for child support and visitation. We finally got her to make an appt with my atty after telling her that she needs to at least see what her rights are and that it's best to have it all done through the legal system - now I'm just hoping she'll keep it.

What I'm looking for are any convincing arguements - perhaps personal experience or people you know - that will help us convince her that she's doing the right thing in consulting an atty to have this done.

Some background: He claims she's abused the kids and will make claims that she's crazy, etc. She knows that he been into drug use. So far it's been a week, and he has yet to hold any agreement they've made regarding when he gets to see the kids and all of us know that he'll want to claim one (if not both) boys at the end of the year - regardless of what he'll have paid for support which probably won't be much.

Answer 1

honey, they ALL make those claims... i dont know why either... its like a book they all have... the "DUH" book.

SHE BETTER GO, if she values having her kids.

first of all, she HAS to get a court order for custody. if she doesnt, there is no custody, thus, he can keep the kids after visitation or snatch 'em from the bus stop...

thats what my ex did. kept them, returned them, snatched them from the bus stop (2 of my 4).

there wasnt squat i could do until we went to court, because there was nothing in writing for custody. tell her to KEEP her appt with the attorney.

tell her to get "set visitation" (a set times for pick up/drop off and days). "open visitation" is a GD nighmare; its where they can come any time, any day and demand the children.

CHILD SUPPORT
well, the honor system doesnt work, thats been proven. and when he finds out how much he has to pay... he GONNA be pissd. more then likely, he will fight tooth and nail for custody, so make sure she has an attorney for when he gets to the "NOT my money stage". to some guys, money is their GOD.

today, child support is based upon BOTH parents incomes, thus BOTH parents contribute to the support of the children.

tell her to learn her states laws, LEARN THEM ALL.

LINKS: just click on your state.

YAHOO SUPPORT GROUP
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SingleMomsOnaMission/

DEADBEATS
http://www.wantedposters.com/deadbeats_usa_a_to_f.htm
http://www.angelfire.com/creep/deadbeatparentssuck/
http://www.deadbeatjustice.com/list.htm
www.goodparentspay.com

CHILD SUPPORT CALCULATOR
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/

YOUR STATES CS POLICY
http://childsupportcenter.org/stateprofiles.php

ABANDONMENT (NO SHOW PARENTS)
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/

NOT ALL PARENTS LOVE THEIR CHILDREN
And "RATIONAL LIES"
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/child_custody/article7.asp

FREE LEGAL HELP IN YOUR STATE
(just click on your state to find contact info)
http://www.lawhelp.org/

LAWS
http://www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/statebystate.htm
http://www.divorcenet.com/states
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.divorcecentral.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/
http://law.onecle.com/new-jersey/ (change the state to yours)
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/unpaid-support/support-orders-enforcement.html
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.divorceinanutshell.com/
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-laws/state-child-/
http://www.supportguidelines.com/resources.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/links.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/laypersons.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/news.html
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-basics/
http://www.spiesonline.net/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html

STATS
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/acesstatistics.html

FINDING DEADBEATS
(and background cks to find them)
http://www.usarecordssearch.com/
http://deadbeatsnitch.com/
http://www.wantedposters.com/skiptrace.htm
http://find.intelius.com/search-name.php?ReportType=1&
http://omnitrace.com/Missing-Persons-Search.html?OVRAW=deadbeat&OVKEY=deadbeat&OVMTC=standard
http://www.discreetdata.com/index.html
http://www.identitycrawler.net/people_search.html
http://www.peoplefinders.com
http://zabasearch.com/
http://www.crimcheck.com/personalreports.htm
http://www.easybackgroundchecks.com/
http://www.abika.com/
http://www.freeprf.com/
http://www.efindoutthetruth.com/
http://www.netsleuth.com/
http://netonlineinvestigators.com/index.asp
http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/
http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/locate-people.html


FED AGENCIES
http://www.ncsea.org/
http://www.nfja.org/index.shtml
http://www.naag.org/issues/issue-consumer.php

REGIONAL FEDERAL CHILD SUPPORT OFFICES
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_regions.html

FACTS AND REGIONAL FEDERAL CS OFFICE INFO
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/fct/fct4.htm
http://www.divorcesource.com/WI/ARTICLES/beaulier11.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/opa/fact_sheets/cse_factsheet.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/index.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/faq.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/passport.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/fop.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/faq/faq.htm
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/grants/grants_cse.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/index.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html
http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.govbenefits.gov/govbenefits_en.portal
http://www.fedstats.gov/qf/
http://www.fedworld.gov/gov-links.html
http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/pfs92/ch3.htm

SSI AND DISABILITY
FOR CHILD SUPPORT
https://s044a90.ssa.gov/apps6z/ISBA/main.html
http://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/policybriefs/pb2004-02.html
http://www.ssa.gov/notices/supplemental-security-income/
http://family.findlaw.com/

FIND YOUR REPS
http://www.usa.gov/
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/State_and_Territories.shtml
http://www.nga.org
http://www.naag.org/attorneys_general.php
http://judiciary.senate.gov/

CHILD SUPPORT LIEN NETWORK
(some states work with them)
http://www.childsupportliens.com/

COLLECTORS
http://www.supportkids.com/
http://www.supportcollectors.com/faq.php
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/links.html
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml

TAX INFO
http://www.taxsites.com/index.htm
http://www.divorceinfo.com/taxes.htm
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc354.html
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc422.html
http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq4-5.html
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/advocate/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p525/index.html

http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p504/ar02.html#d0e563
http://money.cnn.com/2007/02/14/pf/taxes/do_not_miss_tax_breaks/index.htm?postversion=2007021411

REPORT DEADBEATS
WORKING UNDER THE TABLE
(in writing, to your local and federal IRS offices)
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/compliance/enforcement/article/0,,id=106778,00.html

SEX OFFENDERS
http://www.mapsexoffenders.com/
http://www.scanusa.com/
http://www.nsopr.gov/
http://www.familywatchdog.us/Default.asp


http://www1.dshs.wa.gov/dcs/
http://www.fedworld.gov/gov-links.html



http://www.fswf.org/
http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/641
http://www.womensenews.org/links.cfm
http://www.jfcadvocacy.org/
http://www.familycourtrc.org/
http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/ocean/host.php?page=1
http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=dash_Home
http://sheknows.com/
http://www.co-abode.com/
http://singleparents.about.com/index.htm
http://www.secondharvest.org/
http://www.singlemom.com/
http://www.singlemotherresources.com/resources.htm
http://www.singlemom.com/CAREER/financialaid.htm
http://salliemae.collegeanswer.com/paying/content/pay_free_money.jsp
http://www.raisethenation.org/
http://www.sunshineladyfdn.org/
http://www.sunshineladyfdn.org/faq.html
http://www.antshe.org/Scholarships/Scholarships.htm
http://www.antshe.org/resourcepage.htm
http://www.50states.com/
http://www.fastweb.com/
http://apps.collegeboard.com/cbsearch_ss/welcome.jsp
http://www.soroptimist.org/sia/AM/Template.cfm?Section=WOMEN_S_OPPORTUNITY_AWARDS
http://www.back2college.com/
http://www.acenet.edu/AM/Template.cfm?Section=CIP1
https://www.ourfamiliesourfuture.org/index.jsp
http://www.ed.gov/prog_info/SFA/StudentGuide/index.html

http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/directories.html
http://www.yellowbook.com/

HELP FOR YOU (dental too)
http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/collectchildsupport

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/financialassistance.html
http://www.hrsa.gov/help/default.htm
http://www.raconline.org/info_guides/dental/dentalfaq.php
http://www.nidcr.nih.gov/NR/rdonlyres/53F91091-23DB-47F3-8782-6572C33F9D42/0/LowCostFactsheet.pdf
http://dental-assistance.app-sl-1.aidpage.com/dental-assistance/
eyecare help
http://www.uniteforsight.org/freeclinics.php
http://www.nei.nih.gov/health/financialaid.asp

hospital bills help (free)
http://www.hrsa.gov/hillburton/default.htm

http://www.womenslaw.org/
http://www.nwlc.org/
http://www.womenslawproject.org/
http://www.nwwlc.org/
http://www.women-law.org/
http://www.hg.org/women.html
http://www.law.com/jsp/nj/specials.jsp?p=contact
http://law-library.rutgers.edu/ilg/njlaw.php
http://eligibility.sc.egov.usda.gov/eligibility/welcomeAction.do
http://www.hud.gov/offices/pih/programs/hcv/about/fact_sheet.cfm
http://www.hud.gov/offices/pih/programs/hcv/forms/index.cfm
http://www.hud.gov/offices/pih/pha/contacts/
http://www.singlemoms.org/info/main.htm
http://singlemothers.org/SMO/index.php
http://www.singlemotherresources.com/
http://www.angelfire.com/nj4/njcomputerchick
http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/chapterfind.asp
http://www.mowaa.org/
http://modestneeds.org/
http://freecycle.org/
http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn.nsf
http://www.redcross.org/where/chapts.asp
http://www.angeltree.org
http://www.secretsanta.org/
http://www.secretsanta.org/santacontent.aspx?ctype=13
http://www.coastside.org/id28.htm
http://www.christmaswish.org/
http://www.christmasorganizing.com/
http://www.toysfortots.org/donate/toys.asp

Answer 2

Well I am not sure I am your "convincers" but I can say this much - when my exhusband and I divorced we did not go through the friend of the court figuring we could amicably and reasonable see to the care of our children financially. We agreed on a joint physical and legal custody, and X amount of money for child support to cover the kids extracurricular activities, etc. This worked well for about a year - until he decided that I was asking too much, or the kids activities were to expensive, and he did not want to keep the kids when I worked (which was part of our agreement). So I ended up in my attornies office getting an "I told you so" lecture about child support.
We know have a legal agreement in place regarding child support - no discussion between him and I - it is what is, and that's that. I receive substantially less than state recommended guidelines said I should take because I felt the amount was over the top and placed un due burden on my exhusband. We arbitrated the amount, filed it with the state, and have a legally binding contract. My one thing is that I do not go through the court to receive payment - which means that if he stops paying I will have to go back to court. (Which I would most likely not waste my time doing at this point, because the money really isn't enough to get my dander up - it's just the principal that he helps to pay for his children's lives).
So, I guess the best I can say is that it is best to keep it amicable and reasonable, but some sort of legally binding contract is necessary and if she thinks there will be problems down the road then court enforced child support and visitation may be necessary.

Answer 3

I had been a paralegal for 10 years, five of which have been in household regulation. She does ought to maintain the legal professional appointment. Accusations of abuse, medicines, and so forth., are very usual in custody disputes. Most of the time, the events can both succeed in an contract (after they see the mounting authorized expenses) or a pass judgement on will order drug checks, mental reviews, and so forth., to guide in creating a resolution. But without doubt, she will have to no longer check out to try this on her possess. It's essential to have a work of paper on list which units down the youngster help and visitation.

Answer 4

Just agreeing to a certain amount of child support doesnt mean her ex will give it to her every month. What happens if he doesn't come through for her and the kids and she relies on that money? With a legal agreement she is almost guarenteed to get a check each month

Answer 5

Lots of so called deadbeat dads at one point in their lives I'm sure most used to be responsible fathers. Up until the kid's were used as weapons in order to jerk dads around. That, according to many fathers that no longer live in the same households with their loved ones. Who never were able to get their inputs as to how to raise their children with out a third party (ageny,stepfather,meddling relatives) etc.-etc. Claim that it was that type of interferences that led them to give up altogether if they were not going to be a fulltime presence with their main motivation(s) in life! Other then monetary purposes. So if things are not broken to such extremes to risk someones lifestyle. Best thing to do is see the entire picture before acting or resorting to much unpleasant results.Like a lifelong battle with drugs in order to at least think/feel that they somehow have freed themselves from worst thing's like ex-spouses..

Answer 6

Most definitely she should consult an attorney. She needs a professional in her corner fighting for her rights.