I have a serious issue, that I need opinions on?? I have always been a daddy's girl, and last year I got married. My husband is absolutely wonderful, but he is also possessive and jealous due to past relationships. He can not handle mine and my fathers relationship. He has even gone so far as to acuse me of having a sexual relationship with my father, which is disgusting and absurd. We have fought and fought about my relationship with my father. I dont know what to do anymore. He has made me feel like I can no longer even hug my father goodbye or have a private conversation with him without me feeling like my husband is going to think there is some kind of conspiracy going on. THERE IS NOT! And I have told him this a thousand times. He says he knows that there isn't but he is just a jealous person, and is is something that I am going to have to deal with. I cant deal with it, it is going to slowing tear my father and I apart and in the process make me resent my husband.
2007-03-27 06:40:16 · 50 answers · asked by Ellen T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I love my husband with my entire heart, so please dont start with all of the, "Dump this loser" stuff. I am looking for real advice here to save my marriage and my relationship with my father. Thank You!
2007-03-27 06:42:03 · update #1
I just wanted to let you all know that my husband and I talked about it last night, and today I signed us up for our first counseling session!!!!! My husband said that he would do anything to fix us, because he loves me and plans on spending the rest of his life with me! Thanks again for all your help!
2007-03-28 07:16:05 · update #2
You two should try therapy. I'm sure it'll help you both. Good luck!
2007-03-27 06:43:19 · answer #1 · answered by Your_Star 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being that you and Daddy are so close, why don't you arrange time for the 3 of you to hang out together??
Maybe it could also be that husband doesn't feel like he measures up to Daddy? Ever think about that?
Being in any relationship where there is an over abundance of jealousy is NOT healthy. Jealousy is a natural feeling, but when you are made to feel like you're doing something wrong, then there are other issues. You did mention that your husband acts this way because of the past, has he gone to counseling?? He shouldn't let past relationships carry over into your marriage.
2007-03-27 06:46:44 · answer #2 · answered by thatprettykitty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello. I have been married for 11 years and I can tell you this. Your husband may have jealousy issues because of past relationships, and I am talking about man and a woman relationship as far as intimacy is concerned. But between a father and daughter is a sacred bond that cannot be broken. Why does he feel this way? Do you spend more time with your father than him? He needs to get his head out of his *** and know that you are his one and only in and out of the bedroom. And if he doesn't believe you, you will have to keep showing him each and every day to make him understand.
2007-03-27 06:52:46 · answer #3 · answered by ralph30year 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On one hand, it sounds like you are spending too much time as a "daddy's girl" which may make your husband feel neglected. On the other hand, your husband sounds like he's taking the first steps down a very bad path. I'm not saying he's abusive, but that he is heading in that direction. I would suggest two things: one, there's a book called "the five love languages". Read it, and see if you can apply it to your marriage. The second thing I would suggest is to go see a relationship counselor, either on your own or with your husband. A counselor can help you communicate with your husband even if he doesn't show up, and can give you techniques to make your husband feel more secure in your relationship.
Good luck
2007-03-27 06:52:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your hubbie and dad need to spend some one on one time together. Getting to know each other better. Maybe dad could call him up and ask to talk to him and not always you. Try to build a better bond. You need to remind hubby why you married him and that you love him no matter what or you would not have gotten married. I'd say even some counseling. Maybe with the three of you.. Both of these relationships are to important to lose..So just keep talking and communicating. There is nothing wrong with having a loving relationship with your father. So many are desperate for this..and maybe your hubbie to and its making him jealous because he doesn't have this.
2007-03-27 06:48:10 · answer #5 · answered by jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about a marriage counseling, and family counseling that the three of you can go to. Try and spend more time with your husband and include him in when being around your father. Also have your father and him spend quality time on their on. If he already things bad between you and you father and he's really that jealous and won't listen to reason then it's time for you to think if it's a healthy relationship because besides being emotional abuser he can get physically abusive to if he can't control his jealousy. It's time you stop and think about your safety and I know it's hard when you love someone so much but you have to love yourself first.....
2007-03-27 06:50:55 · answer #6 · answered by Monica A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this dear - but your husbands jealousy is there and you will never get rid of it. My ex-husband was so jealous over my relationship with my Mother it tore us apart. Your husband needs to start respecting that relationship or your marriage will suffer the consequences. Both my parents tried so hard to make my ex husband feel as though he was welcomed as a member of the family, but no matter how much they tried - he'd fight it and things between us would get worse. You can try counseling & I hope that it works for you. it did not for my ex and I - he became distant from me and actually became dirogatory against my enitre family - calling us names and hurting more and more every day. Your husband may love you, but he has issues that lie deep within him and he does not even recognize they are there and they are very painful - so counseling will be a long arduous task, worth it if you can all tuff it out. If you need to talk - get back to me - I have been through this and and to be honest - if there's a hell on earth - your goibng through it!
2007-03-27 06:50:41 · answer #7 · answered by martiek7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The other option I can think of other than "dump the loser" is that he gets some kind of outside help for his issues. If you have talked to him and assured him a thousand times and he still cannot see reason then he is suffering from some type of problem that needs counselling. He might not want to go so that could be another problem. If you have a good relationship with your dad---don't wreck it because your husband has emotional problems.
2007-03-27 06:46:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know you asked for no negative comments, but its true. you need to put your foot down. i mean, this is your father your talking about. he clothed you, fed you and housed you. if anything, your husband should always be grateful to your father for raising you to be the person you are today. how can he show his gratitude by forbidding your relationship with him. imagine how your dad might feel if he found out. i know your stuck between a hard place and a rock, but you need to be strong and let him know that there is nothing he can do to ruin your relationship with your father. why don't you have some time apart from your husband, show him that this is going to ruin your marriage. what happens when grandchildren come into the picture? how is he going to deal with it? dont lose both your husband and your father. cause if you decide to do what your husbands says, than your going to lose your father, and your marriage. you will always resent your husband, and that can not be healthy. good luck and im sorry your in this situation.
2007-03-27 06:50:07 · answer #9 · answered by kc321 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your man has serious confidence issues and the fact that he is letting it show (contrary to the better sense of most people, even the jealous type) is worrying.
If he realizes there is nothing between your dad and you and yet continues this kind of behaviour, I do suggest that both of you get some counselling (so that your feelings of hurt and resentment can be channelled and understood by him in a constructive way) before it totally wrecks your relationship with him and your dad, and lead to further abusive acts.
30/3 edit:
Glad to hear that he's receptive. All the best.
2007-03-27 06:47:39 · answer #10 · answered by florine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that you are not going to stop loving your dad and that he married you when you had that same wonderful relationship with you dad and it is very important to you. Don't stop and tell your husband that he needs to deal with it. Don't change who you are or what you are, it will just be the first of many changes that your husband will force on you if you allow it. If he has a problem with it, encourage him to go see someone that helps with being jealous like that. If it was another man besides your dad, I could almost understand, but you can not give that up when you know there is nothing wrong with it.
2007-03-27 06:52:00 · answer #11 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋