OK - we are 99% there - My boyfriend and I have decided that we are moving in together and he has all but just confronted his daughter with it. She's not going to be happy, but she will come around - I have a good feeling for a change. Anyways, I want my man tobring his personal posessions and everything else he wants to help make this house "our" home - even though it has been my house, it will become OURS and he needs to feel that & so I am supportive of him hanging his pictures on the walls, he has full control over the garage - yadda, yadda. He thinks I am a toal trip because I am spirited about him feeling like it is his home too. Says that realistically, he thinks it is going to take him some time to get used to it. SO - do I help him settle in or should I just be open to him saying "where can I put this?" - even though my answer will be "where would you want it"? Does this make it easier for him or harder?
2007-03-27 06:27:59 · 10 answers · asked by martiek7 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His daughter is not a child - she's 26 with her own child and her own house. Just that she thinks it's too soon and wants her Father to live with her for her financial reasons & he will not do that.
2007-03-27 06:41:03 · update #1
Men traditionally provide the home for the family and he might be worried of how the situation will develop later or he might have to give some explanations.
As far as how to handle the situation, yes, he is right, you are making a big issue of of it. Men are quite simple creatures and they don't care about decorations and stuff hung on walls.
He will be happy with a few empty drawers, some closet space, free-roaming in the garage, a shed and ,maybe, a small offfice/corner where he can put his boy toys.
Good luck and congratulations on the new step that you are taking together.
2007-03-27 06:44:54 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is his daughter? Do you think it's a good idea to "blend" a family without a commitment? Why should she bond with you and feel like it's her home when it's not? Instead of "playing house" and subjecting the child to more possible loss in her life, why don't you both grow up and do the adult thing? Get married, include her in the process and make the home every body's!!
2007-03-27 13:35:07 · answer #2 · answered by st pete rn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest and realistic about him moving his stuff in. If you don't like something or prefer it be moved somewhere else, just say it. You are moving in to play house together, but there is no stability of commitment through marriage. His daughter needs stability in her life.
While there is no doubt you love one another, why haven't you gotten married or at least gave your boyfriend an opportunity to buy in for half the house?
Sounds like the honeymoon stage of the relationship, be honest with one another and have good communication. I would think long and hard before moving in together especially with children involved.
Good luck.
2007-03-27 13:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let him know, and encourage him to make the house a home for the two of you, and the child. The child will be visiting, I take it. There should be items the child has drawn in school, or pictures, something that lets the child know that they are accepted in this home, as well.
2007-03-27 13:32:44 · answer #4 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where he puts his stuff is not what you should be worrying about. The fact that he has not yet told his daughter that you know she will totally flip. what if she does not except this. can your relationship weather that kind of strain. that would be my most important question in this area.
2007-03-27 13:33:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just help him put stuff away. Why don't you just ask him how he feels about it? I went threw this like 5 years ago. Only I was moving into his house.
2007-03-27 13:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You settle in together once you are married. His daughter is right.
2007-03-27 14:20:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SIT DOWN AN TALK BE LIKE WE HAVE MOVE TO THIS STAGE. WHAT MINE IS YOUR. PUT EVERYTHING WERE EVERY YOU LIKE. THIS IS OUR HOME NOW. BE REAL WITH HIM. IF YOU DONT WANT SOMETHING SOMEWHERE THEN TELL HIM.
2007-03-27 13:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by masterdloski 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask Dr. Laura.
She is a talk show host who has dedicated her life in assisting those who are desiring to live together.
She will be very understanding, non-judgemental and quite helpful.
.
2007-03-27 13:30:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Um... let him settle in on his own.
2007-03-27 13:31:33 · answer #10 · answered by sanj 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋