WE BING MARRIED FOR 15YRS BUT WE CAN'T GET ALONG WERE ALWAYS FIGHTING FOR EVERYTHING MONEY, WORK, AND FAMILY BUT WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND ALSO IS KILLING MY 12YRS OLD SON AND HE ALSO CHEATED ON ME SO WHAT SHOULD I DO GO SEE A COUNSELOR TO GIVE US ADVISE OR GO AHEAD WITH THE DIVORCE....
2007-03-27 06:19:55 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would go see a counsler. They can help you with some of your problems or at least help you see a bit more clearly. If you still feel that way after seeing them then go with the divorce.
2007-03-27 06:24:14 · answer #1 · answered by kaicey247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay..ready? You BOTH need to agree to go to counselling and see if you can find the root of the problems you are having. What have said is very contradictory! You can't REALLY love somebody and treat each other the way you do! While money is usually a big issue in married people's lives, when arguing is constant and frequent, there is usually an underlying problem. You both need to find out what it is and deal with that first! Divorce may be the easy answer, but is it the right answer? What will it do to each of you? How will it affect your son? All couples are going to argue, but if you are going to argue, believe it or not, you both have to have an agreement that when you DO argue, it will be only about the current situation or item. You will NOT drag up everything that ever happened in your lives. You will NOT deliberately try to say things to HURT one another. You will NO use your son as ammunition for your "side". Then, you both have to agree that once the argument is over, you will both kiss and make up and be done with it! Try it once and see if it doesn't make a difference!
2007-03-27 06:28:07 · answer #2 · answered by Ken S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to divorce him, don't do it for the fighting about money, work, and family stuff... I've always felt that it takes two to tango, it's good to know how you feel about the whole situation, but how does your husband feel about the whole deal... have you ever thought about what you've done to him (if anything) to make him act a fool??? dont let the fighting or the cheating ruin 15 years of marriage... of course!! as long as you are both on the same page and willing to work this whole thing out. No one ever said marriage was going to be easy, everything you see in the soaps is make believe, it doesnt work that way, I can guarantee you that any married couple that have been together for double the time you've been with your husband, have gone through hell... marriege is love, love is pain, pain is suffering, suffering is sacrifice, sacrifice is Persevering... do whatever it takes to keep your husband, if you feel you've done everything in your power, than, you might wanna pop out and tell him you're considering a divorce and see how he feels about that. If after saying that, he doesnt give you any options, than you obviously don't have a choice but to let his ignorant self out of your life... best of luck on your decision, make sure you think very hard no matter which way you decide to go. This is a life changing decision. God Bless.
2007-03-27 07:20:59 · answer #3 · answered by la mai' tuya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a little contradicting here, if he loved you so much he wouldnt have cheated on you. You love him but sounds like you are tired of everything. Have you both talked about trying to make things better to stop the fighting and the argunments? That would be my first step there, if you dont get anywhere and both are willing to go see a marriege counselor you should at least try. It might open the barriers of communication between you and hopefully your situation gets better. At least you admit to the fact that your relationship is hurting you're child, alot of parents dont see it. That is what needs to motivate you to either try and fix the situation or let it go. It must be extremely hard because it has been 15 years, but you three cannot keep on living and hurting each other. Your son is at an age were everything around him is influencing, he is at an age were pressure can get to him. You need to decide and act fast before it is too late and your son starts picking up bad habits and turning to bad friends and bad influences. You have to open your heart, and think about yourself and your son. Let God give you the courage that you need to better your life...
God Bless
2007-03-27 07:03:18 · answer #4 · answered by Alex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you already made up your mind, then I wouldn't bother seeing a counselor. If you feel there's some hope to save your marriage, then as long as he's willing to do what it takes, you could go to counseling and see if it helps.
If he cheated though, and he's still fighting with you, and not being understanding that you are betrayed, hurt, angry, etc. then he isn't worth it for you. I think if someone cheats, they have to be willing to go through whatever the betrayed person wants them to. There is no time limit on when you'll get over it, he needs to earn your trust back.
He should know there is no excuse for that, no matter how yt ou fought about money or anything else. He should be doing whatever it takes to make things right. And if he's not, I would take my son, and move on.
2007-03-27 06:25:36 · answer #5 · answered by nymom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advise is to see a Christian counselor. Look back at the vows you made when you got married to him. There is a lot of bitterness to get through, but you can do it! Just remember, even if it looks like he is giving up, don't give up. If he sees that you are still trying, then he might pick back up and still try. Divorce is never the answer. It will be harder on your 12-year-old son than you can even think of!
2007-03-27 06:25:36 · answer #6 · answered by Tough Love Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents divorced when I was 13, they had been married 15 years. I am much better off because I didn't have to see them fight anymore. I turned out ok, except that i'm currently in an abusive marriage (which i'm getting out of because my mother taught me to be strong). I am college educated and professional. My parents went to counseling and all that fun stuff and it just didn't work. Your son will be ok, just raise him right. Doesn't matter if you are div or not.. the fighting is worse.. Tell him that it's not right to fight, argue, yell, abuse... Don't set bad examples for him. It takes more than love to make a relationship.
2007-03-27 06:24:57 · answer #7 · answered by Paradiddle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not debate counseling and divorce in the same thought. It is not one or the other. 15 years is a long time to be with someone. Sometimes two people lose the ability to communicate and need to have a refresher. Take steps to get this corrected and the rest will work itself out.
2007-03-27 07:39:30 · answer #8 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not you love your husband isnt the problem. He cheated on you and you have a 12 year old son. You have a moral obligation to your son and yourself to divorce him. You may still love him and it may hurt, but a man who is not faithful to a woman he promised to be faithful to is not a man worth being with. Divorcing him will show your son that cheating is NOT ok so he will not do it to his wife. Raise your son in the way he should live as an upstanding member of society.
2007-03-27 06:25:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you haven't tried counseling then you are giving up to soon. However, don't just pick a counselor out of the phone book and go see them. Ask around to see if any of your friends can recommend anyone. You will be surprised at how many people have been in counseling.
If you attend church, ask your pastor if he can recommend someone.
2007-03-27 06:33:32 · answer #10 · answered by Rickster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋