We just got married and he seems to be distant and acts like he has something on his mind. When I ask him, he says everything is fine. I feel very strongly something is on his mind that he isn't talking about. Is this a normal "after the wedding", thing?
2007-03-27 05:27:11 · 23 answers · asked by Lady M 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband did the same thing. I finally stopped asking "whats wrong?" and instead left him alone and made him a drink. About 2 months later, I finally asked him again what he had been worrying about and he said it was just a constant stream of worry about the future like "what if I lost my job?" and "Can I really take care of a family?!" He said he was thinking about how before we got married the only person he had to worry about was himself. Now it was a "we" and "us" and he worried he wasn't going to be able to hold up his end of the bargain. That he could live in a 1 bedroom apartment with wallpaper peeling off the walls and eat rahmen morning noon and night and be happy but that he couldn't do that with a family.
I think its normal. I wouldn't be too concerned, just try to take his mind off of it by having a little fun- suggest something you both would enjoy. I rented a mind numbing comedy movie that he loved and he laughed the whole time and seemed a lot better afterwards.
2007-03-27 05:41:54 · answer #1 · answered by jypsiiie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are always adjustments. it could be that he is used to a bit of personal spce and doesn;t know how to express it without hurting your feelings...could you be trying too hard? he could just be trying to figure out life as a married man in the same house as his new married woman...i've been married for almost 28 years...sometimes men just need some space after a big event, you know some time to find their new "center" so to speak...all you can do is listen when he does talk and try not to be too pushy about it until it either passes or he opens up and you can work on it together. Don't take it personally if he doesn't want to talk about it when you do...you need to learn when his "open" sign is on...marriage is great but it does take thought and courage.
2007-03-27 12:36:33 · answer #2 · answered by sweetie pie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is probably thinking in his mind, "Oh my god, what have got myself into! Oye ve!"
Nah, only kidding....
I think you are reading way more than that's there. He is probably making some mental adjustments about his new life. I remember right after I had been married, I used to go on staring at my wedding ring for hours for no reason. There was always a stream of thoughts running through my head during those awkward moments. Nothing bad but it was quite unusual to just look at my wedding ring and think. I did for quite a few months of our marriage. Suddenly you had to act and play the part of a responsible, mature, grown up person. It was not easy for the male ego to accept it at the time. I think your husband is doing just that. Nothing to worry about.
2007-03-28 08:10:17 · answer #3 · answered by Chandru M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask questions you may not want the answers too. Please trust me and leave it be. I pushed and pushed for years and years and now my husband and I are separating. Tell him you love him bunches and that you are here for him if there is anything he wants or needs to talk about, and drop the subject. You'll push him into a corner if you continue this. Give him a little time and maybe he'll come to you to talk if there really is something bothering him. Maybe it's nothing, but it's a horrible habit to nag and bug someone so quit while you are ahead. Do something nice for him instead, cook him a nice dinner, or take him out for a nite on the town.
2007-03-27 12:41:10 · answer #4 · answered by occasionallyweird 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could just be him. But being married, or just getting married is something to SOAK IN b/c its very new to you.
Just remember the first year is the HARDEST! Most people who make it past the first year will do fine but it will be rough in that year..it will test you!
You need to just flat out tell him that if something is bothering him he needs to tell you so that if its something you are doing you can fix it! Or if he is just trying to get use to the idea, then let him do his thing!
I just married almost 2 years ago. The one thing you need to remember is having ME time is a good thing...not a bad thing. It keeps you from fighting and its a way of destressing from the week or whatever. My hubby and i do this every other weekend and it keeps us from arguing and fighting over stupid petty things. It doesnt rid of all issues but we rid of all our stress and learn to appreciate the other more b/c we are being supportive of each others ME time.
Maybe you should consider doing things like this. It helps you by letting you stay in touch with friends and hanging out with them etc.
Like i said, he could just be trying to soak it in but the one thing you need to put your foot down on is COMMUNCATION...communicate more. Always talk about your problems so they dont blow up in your face and cause a fight or even worse DIVORCE. Dont say it wont happen b/c IT HAS and i have seen it!
2007-03-27 14:21:32 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go now to the library and take out the Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus book on tape. The tape is much easier to listen to and learn how men think. You will learn so much to use for all of the rest of your life! Guys think totally differently from us.
You also need to learn a good communication rapport between the two of you. It is what makes a marriage work.
2007-03-27 12:53:48 · answer #6 · answered by bevrossg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, I am legendary around my house of spacing out conversations. My mind just travels alot...and during conversations I find myself thinking about things at work, sports, news, anything. It's a problem and a bit of a joke and maybe a sign of ADD or something, but this doesn't mean your hubby is up to no good.
2007-03-27 12:35:28 · answer #7 · answered by Paul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's very normal. Marriage is a huge step with a lot of responsibilities.. There is usually an adjustment period and a man is somethimes afraid to say he is feeling the pressure.. Don't worry it's not you (i don't think atleast) it the pressure of all of a sudden joining the adult world.. I'm sure you are feeling the same pressures..
Sometimes a guy is just too proud to say they are afraid.
2007-03-27 12:45:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he could just be thinking and not wanting to conversate about it. Leave him be. Don't nag him. When he is ready to talk, he will. Learn to let him be his own person. That is what allot of women do anymore, just try and pick at every detail about a man after they are married. Be different and don't do that. I know I don't.
2007-03-27 12:32:04 · answer #9 · answered by MOM OF ONE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you notice his attitude has changed and if there's anything he wants to talk about - you're there for him ... and leave it at that ... when he's ready he'll come & talk to you ... do something special for him like cook dinner wearing nothing but an apron & see if that sparks any conversations on what's bothering him ... lol ... good luck ... !
2007-03-27 12:38:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋