Am I opening up too much?

Question

OK - we are 99% there - My boyfriend and I have decided that we are moving in together and he has all but just confronted his daughter with it. She's not going to be happy, but she will come around - I have a good feeling for a change. Anyways, I want my man tobring his personal posessions and everything else he wants to help make this house "our" home - even though it has been my house, it will become OURS and he needs to feel that & so I am supportive of him hanging his pictures on the walls, he has full control over the garage - yadda, yadda. He thinks I am a toal trip because I am spirited about him feeling like it is his home too. Says that realistically, he thinks it is going to take him some time to get used to it. SO - do I help him settle in or should I just be open to him saying "where can I put this?" - even though my answer will be "where would you want it"? Does this make it easier for him or harder?

Answer 1

I would help him put things where you both would like them to be. Some things just make sense to put in certain places. Others don't. His stuff will more than likely be easy to sort out where it should go. Help where you can, make suggestions too (remember this is still your home too). Don't be completely wishy-washy...if there is something that you would prefer not to be around, don't be afraid to say so. Guys get attached to some of the silliest things...

I think his daughter is going to have a harder time with the move than he will. So perhaps both of you should make a special effort to make her feel comfortable with her new room.

Answer 2

Stop - why are you having your boyfriend move in with you? I can tell you it is a mistake right now. You could marry him if you two were at the commitment stage. Instead, you're talking about him 'confronting' his daughter with it. She knows, he knows, everyone will know - this is just a 'roomates with 'benefits' situation.
If he doesn't have some severe doubts about it himself, he should. And so should you. Does it make you feel more secure that now you don't have to keep looking for a boyfriend because you've glued one into place in your home? Living together is the new 'buy time and don't make a commitment' dating arrangement, from everything I've seen (and I have lived with boyfriends, by the way).
Get some self-confidence. Instead of plannning where to hang his stuff on the wall, wait for him to really commit to you - with a marriage ceremony and in-laws and a life together. You won't feel so insecure with him living with you but it won't go anywhere either. By the way, good luck with his family - they will be waiting to see this thing go nowhere too and placing bets on how long it will last - years or months.