For 8 years, my friends hubby and her have been financially struggling while trying to make it on two min wage jobs each. He is very educated and is capable of higher paying jobs, but has decided to purse min wage jobs for less stress. She has never done much more than min wage work all her life and has no schooling and raising kids. Anyways...one day he just decides to quit paying the bills....doesnt buy food anymore, lets the utilities get turned off and just says he owes too many people money and he doesnt have it. So my friend is stuck with these kids and no money and he just gave up and is living the life as a homeless guy. Just bums around town with his backpack. But he says he still loves her, but this is the life he wants. She is absolutly dying. What advice could I give her and why would he do such a thing?
2007-03-27 05:12:22 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She needs to take the bull by the horns and start paying the bills herself. If there is one thing in life to learn is, you can't count on nobody but yourself. She should have never let herself be put in that position in the first place.
You don't say if they're living together or not. If they haven't been living together, she should have seen it coming. If she is still letting him in the house, she needs to STOP that! If he wants to be a a bum, that's fine. But she shouldn't allow herself to be taken down that road with him.
There are programs to help. Start with the Department of Welfare. Then she may want to consider moving to a more affordable place for her and the kids.
2007-03-27 05:22:44 · answer #1 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a bum. You need to tell her that she has to be an independent woman. I know she has kids to take care of, but she can have a friend or someone watch the kids so she can get a better job. When she does so, she need to have her own savings/checking account to manager her own money. If the husband doesnt want to work, no food or anything for him. She needs to support her kids and herself only. Then she needs to move on. Stay at a friends where they have electricty and food. Work her way up to a better life. Hope this helps!
2007-03-27 12:48:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to contact the local mental institution and have him reviewed. I think he needs help. If she wants to stay married to this man she needs to put a block on him. Keep him from touching any funds she might have. (which she can do if she has power of attorney- if not she can get it if he is deemed mentally unstable)
Okay, in some states it is mandatory that if you have children under the age of 18 in a home water and electricity cannot be
turned off. She can contact a single parent advocacy group where she lives and tell them her story and they can give her numbers and people to get in contact with. I know you said she's married but she's basically a single parent now, one income = single parent home in most states. She can also apply for food stamps, and get medical care from the state, and with the problem of paying bills there is a loop hole when you have children. The group can help her with who to contact but basically she can be put on this plan where no interest is incurred for late payments while she slowly pays off any balances she owes. I think its called fixed rate ..something. It can also apply for credit cards etc- but only if they are contacted before any debt collectors start sending notices. They can also help her find a reasonable job and help her with any education she needs. Some places can find you a job where you are payed to work and go to school. When i lived in VA most hospitals were in such need of nurses that they would hire you as filing clerks and receptionists and then pay you to go to school to earn your nursing degree as long as you signed a 10 year contract with them.
Here's some websites that might help:
Help with Education
http://www.wife.org/columnists/seidler/seidler.htm
Financial Help Links from About.com
http://singleparents.about.com/od/financialhelp/
TANF (temporary assistance for needy families)
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ofa/
Hotline support center & info
http://www.talklineforparents.org/
2007-03-27 13:10:09 · answer #3 · answered by jypsiiie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A friend of mine actually went thru this with her husband. He had a good paying job, they owned a nice house, drove two nice cars, had a nice motorcycle. He wanted to start up an internet business so he quit his job. Stopped paying bills, started drinking. Bottom line, a year later I was in Ohio with two other people helping move her back to Pittsburgh sans husband. Sad but true.
2007-03-27 12:22:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't answer the question why he would do such a thing, but she should first go to local agencies for help (medicaid, food stamps, even housing and utility help is available) start with the local United Way...they should be able to direct her to the right places.
2007-03-27 12:18:41 · answer #5 · answered by Debra B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see nothing less than total irresponsibility on his part and if that's the way he chooses to live life, then let him go.
But, he is responsible for the support of his children and there are ways to "persuade" him of this. She needs to get an attorney (there are agencies that will help her on this) and take him to court for support. Then he can either pay or go to jail. In which case she'll be able to get assistance from the state, possibly be able to return to school, and better her life and the children's.
2007-03-27 12:22:41 · answer #6 · answered by Swami Ibme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is sacrificing his family for his own selfish needs. He needs a reality check, and that can only come in the form of an ultimatum: your family or your backpack! If he choses family, then he needs to step up and be a man. If he choses the backpack...then she's better off without the bum.
My heart aches for her and her poor children.
2007-03-27 12:18:50 · answer #7 · answered by geehaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously her husband has had a nervous break down. Suggest she get on assistance for the kids. She needs everyone's help now. Just be there for her and the kids and help when you can. Have her go to the local church for help too or maybe a food shelf. There's one in every town. Good luck. :)
2007-03-27 12:17:55 · answer #8 · answered by MOM OF ONE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to move on with her life. Sounds to me like he wants someone to take care of him. What a loser! Women can raise a family on minimum wage and have done it for a long time. It is harder but it can be done. Let your friend know that her children come first regardless of how she is feeling. What ever needs to be done to take care of them she needs to do.Then when she is on her feet firmly she can decide if she wants to deal with her husband or not.
2007-03-27 12:18:51 · answer #9 · answered by I love Elaina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he is a bum doesnt mean that she is and I feel sorry for her because she is losing out be a friend to her and tell her that she needs to keep her head above water no matter what happens and that there are people that love hrer and God loves her
2007-03-27 12:17:15 · answer #10 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋