I heard this on the radio this morning?!?!?

Question

I heard that when you live with your bf or gf before marriage it makes everything harder after you get married.

That doesn't make any sense to me. You would think that it would be easier since you know how they are 24/7 and you've been paying bills and what not with them already... Reason I'm asking is, My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years and I couldnt imagine that it would be harder after we get married.

Answer 1

i lived with my man for 2 years before getting married - when we got married, not much changed - it wasn't harder, if anything it was better.

I guess it's different for people.

Answer 2

I dont agree with that, I believe it is the two people that are in the relationship, I think that most people get lazy after marriage they think that, that marriage certifcate means they dont have to worry about each other going anywhere else, which is very wrong, at any realtionship you have to work on it, whether your married or not, I think that people should live together before marriage. I was married to a preacher, did not live with him until we got married, then when I moved in all his little secrets came out and I left a year and half later, Now I live with a boyfriend and things are great, not rushing into marriage, just living life. I think that it works better if you live together before marriage, that way you've spent 24/7 with them and know everything.

Answer 3

It's true. You'll just have to believe me.

Harder isn't the right word. It's different. You can't see it now, and it's not instantaneous when you switch over to married, but ask ANYONE married more than 5 years who lived together first, and they will tell you the same thing.

Living together is about being roommates and boyfriend girlfriend at the same time. Being married is far more. It is so hard to describe.

Statistics are clear on this - marriages where you live together first don't work out as often. I think it's because when you don't live together first and then get married you accept each other and your circumstances unconditionally.

If you and your boyfriend get married, you'll see it happen after a couple of years. It did to me. It always does.

The people who will say "No way - it's the same" are people who haven't done it.

Answer 4

Well, look at it this way -- there is really no legal committment between the two of you. I know most couples feel that living together is like an example of the real thing but it's not. If you two got into a fight or had a disagreement, then you would probably figure, you're not my husband/wife and then go your seperate ways. Marriage is different. It is basically a contract, legal and binding and in order to get out of it, you have to get a divorce. I know some states honor common-law marriages as legal marriages and in the state I live in, if you introduce your significant other as your spouse, you are recognized as legally married. I'm old school and if you really truly want to be with this person, let him do the right thing and put a ring on your finger. A lot of people like playing house and that's cool if you're a child.

Answer 5

I totally agree. It's much better all around to be committed, to be married before you live together. You have more freedom and less worries, but you are heading towards the same goal so things are easier in this regard. You work harder on your relationship, because each of you is all each other has.
Too bad more girls especially don't realize this -- they go live with a dude, then are on this site asking why the guy won't marry them -- no mystery there.

Answer 6

It doesn't make things harder but it makes them different. I lived with my husband for 2 1/2 years before we got married. The first 6 months of the marriage was hell. I'm not really sure what it was but it was different. Now things are going better and our 1 year anniversary is on the 27of May.

Answer 7

Even when two people are living together, it becomes different when you get married. Once married things are more "permanent" or should be, and that tends to make people fell differently. Its almost like even though you are living together you are still more on your better behaviour then once you are married. My first husband and I lived together before marriage and once married things changed. We both felt more comfortable and once comfortable and ourselves, we found out we didn't like each other much. Now I am remarried to a man that I didn't even sleep with before marriage, and have been happily married, comfortable, and relaxed for 7 years. One thing that I have learned though, is that the first year of marriage can be the hardest.

Answer 8

Ive lived with my BF for 5 years, if it gets harder after marriage what has he been hiding all these years??But there are cases that ppl live together for years just fine, get married and end up divorced, don't know why. Maybe that marriage certificate holds demons?

Answer 9

every situation is different I've noticed alot of b.s. I've heard has turned out to be not true. I've been with my fiance for a 1 1/2 yrs and we have lived together for most of that time and we are great together we are engaged and nothing has changed to me its a lifetime commitment to each other don't pay attention to things you hear that in turn will start to lead your relationship in the wrong direction

Answer 10

Yeah, I think you are definitely right.

The hard thing would be marrying them and not knowing that they snore, or are terrible in bed, or don't pay the bills on time, or can't cook to save their behind, or are really messy, or turn the television up way too loud... better to know the things that might drive you batty before entering into the deal.