I’ve been married to my husband Logan for 5 years now. Prior to that we dated on – off for 3 years. In that time during an off period I dated this lawyer named James. We dated 6 months before he was offered a great position at a big Law Firm in another state. He asked me to come with him but I stayed and got back with Logan not long after. About 3 years ago James moved back into town and we’ve been really close ever since. We go out to catch a movie or dinner every now and then but it’s purely plutonic. Last night he asked me to come over to show me his new bulldog puppy because I love dogs. We ended up ordering Pizza and watching a movie and I fell asleep on his sofa. This morning when I got home my husband was furious. He said he was sick and tired of having to feel like he has to compete with Mr Perfect for his wife’s affections. He said I idolize James and he’s sick of trying to compete with that.
2007-03-27 04:28:19 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
He pretty much threatened to divorce me if I didn’t make a choice once and for all. Isn’t he being unreasonable? Should I have to lose a good friend because of my husband’s insecurities? I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world because he’s an incredible guy but I don’t think it’s right of him to make me choose.
2007-03-27 04:28:34 · update #1
I've tried to get them to spend time together but Logan is convinced James is still after me.My husband has female friend he doesn't spend time with without me present by his own choice not mine.I didn't plan on falling asleep at James' place and that was all we did;sleep.
2007-03-27 05:14:44 · update #2
Sorry to rain on your parade, dear! The truth is you have no business spending the night with another man. You are MARRIED! People who are married have no business at all with the opposite sex except in a workplace setting. How would you feel if your hubby spent the night at another woman's house? And he came home with some story of the relationship being platonic? That is crap! Your husband has every right to be upset! If he is just a friend, make sure your husband is around also. Do not see people of the opposite sex when ones spouse is not around. Let me let you in on a secret, there is no such thing as platonic between members of the opposite sex! Quit playing games with your husband's emotions. You owe him that much. If you want to leave your hubby it would be much less cruel than if he has to worry every night whether you are sleeping with the other guy. Just be honest with him. Just remember, what comes around goes around! What if you and the lawyer dude get together and he starts spending the night with another woman? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you! This is no way to treat your husband!
2007-03-27 04:43:37 · answer #1 · answered by Marie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Most of the previous answers are good. The real decision is yours. When you got married there were wedding vows made; did you understand them before you said "I do"?
A marriage relationship constitutes a lot more self denial than any other relationship I know. Sometimes if you love a person there are a few sacrifices you will have to make. Having friends of the opposite sex when married is not what's at stake here; it's falling asleep at another man's house that crosses the line.
People will make mistakes in their lives but trying not to put yourself in a position that may have a non profitable result (especially when married, is a must.) As a married individual there are some mistakes that shouldn't be made. (this depends heavily on your physical age) (because whether you agree or disagree "with age comes maturity and wisdom)
When seeing members of the opposite sex include your husband. Seek out a marriage counselor so as to work on your marriage. Because if your husband has reached the point of threatening divorce and you have reached a point of mistakenly sleeping at another man's house then you both need a third party to work with you guys to help you figure somethings out in your marriage.
Who knows probably you guys will decide to go your separate ways, then again maybe not; but it will take you both working at it.
Good luck, and may your marriage be saved.
2007-04-04 03:14:16 · answer #2 · answered by dymps 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people are very opinionated on this one, and i think it is because everyone knows that you kinda have to put yourself in your husband's shoes, your life with James ended when your life with Logan started, this isn't the kind of thing you think about 5 years down the road and ask nonchalantly, "why divorce?" When he moved back into town, you had to realize the farther you want to take this, the worst things can get. It would be gret if your husband wanted to participate with you, but he has a right to refue, and 3 is a crowd (it wouldn't be fun for anyone but you and James). Sorry to give ya bad news, I know you probably wanted to hear something different, but if you love your husband, you should try to see how you can make it work. Sounds like he's hurt.
2007-04-04 01:39:33 · answer #3 · answered by AnnabelleKay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shame on you for putting your husband in a position that he has to threaten divorce. He feels threatened because he IS threatened. If you dated James for 6 months 5 years ago...guess what?...it's not completely platonic at this point (no matter how much you say it is).
For 3 years he's put up with your friendship? Honey, I would have left you long before now. You fell asleep and spent the night at his house?!...you would have come home to your stuff packed and on the porch. Ok, maybe not even packed.
Obviously your husband loves you very much since he has been this patient. End your friendship with James...it's not worth losing your husband. You made a vow for better or worse until death do you part...not until James comes back to town. You are in the wrong here. End your friendship and apologize to your husband.
2007-03-27 04:47:17 · answer #4 · answered by Sapphy 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being selfish and your husband has a right to feel hurt and angry.
You make a point of bringing up how James is a lawyer. But do not mention what your husband does? That could be a real source of insecurity.
If you love your husband you should do whatever it takes to make him realize he is number one. By marrying him you agreed to put his happiness first.
I would tell James that your husband is really important to you and that you feel you need to spend more of your free time with him.
Your hubby should be your best friend. Why was he not included in Pizza night??????????????
2007-03-27 04:38:44 · answer #5 · answered by cathoratio 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you husband is right to be feeling this way. I know if my wife did that I would be pretty pissed off as well. If you need to stay friends with James then when you go around to his place take your husband too. If things keep going the way they have been you will soon migrate from the sofa to the bedroom and then your marriage will be all but over. And you will probably lose James in the process as well. Be truthful to yourself and to your husband.
2007-03-27 04:44:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have heard some women telling this - whats wrong with this type of lifestyle unless they are practically forced to experience the other side of life, when her husband does the same thing day after day. It is such a bad reason and word this world has discovered for these women to say "friend".
I hope that you do understand that I have been very diplomatic in typing this answer. If I were to put in my emotions, you wouldn't be able to read it. I hope others agree as well.
2007-03-27 04:38:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband might not feel insecure if you behaved differently. I'm not saying you're a bad person or have plans to cheat, but what is your husband suppose to think when you sleep over another man's house? At this point it's too late to try to explain your relationship with James or modify it, you have to make a choice. James or your husband?
2007-03-27 05:02:46 · answer #8 · answered by Brie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
seems to me like you married Logan more for convenience and security and now that James is back in the picture hes the one you really want to be with for some reason. If you want to spend the night at Jame's place get a divorce and move on. Don't be so selfish, it's not always about you and you only.
2007-03-27 04:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by gr8ness007 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
For you to think it's okay to spend the night in another mans' home, is unreasonable. You should put yourself in your husband's place. How would you feel if he continued to speak of his friend like she was perfect and then proceed to fall asleep on her couch? Imagine what you would be thinking. Your husband is right to make you choose. You are flaunting your ex boyfriend in front of him and expecting him to accept it. Either you leave the ex boyfriend alone or risk losing your husband. This is the choice you need to make. Thank you and may GOD come soon to right the wrongs that have been done on this earth.
2007-03-27 04:36:53 · answer #10 · answered by cookie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋