I’ve been married to my husband Logan for 5 years now. Prior to that we dated on – off for 3 years. In that time during an off period I dated this lawyer named James. We dated 6 months before he was offered a great position at a big Law Firm in another state. He asked me to come with him but I stayed and got back with Logan not long after. About 3 years ago James moved back into town and we’ve been really close ever since. We go out to catch a movie or dinner every now and then but it’s purely plutonic. Last night he asked me to come over to show me his new bulldog puppy because I love dogs. We ended up ordering Pizza and watching a movie and I fell asleep on his sofa. This morning when I got home my husband was furious. He said he was sick and tired of having to feel like he has to compete with Mr Perfect for his wife’s affections. He said I idolize James and he’s sick of trying to compete with that.
2007-03-27 04:26:35 · 118 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He pretty much threatened to divorce me if I didn’t make a choice once and for all. Isn’t he being unreasonable? Should I have to lose a good friend because of my husband’s insecurities? I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world because he’s an incredible guy but I don’t think it’s right of him to make me choose.
2007-03-27 04:26:55 · update #1
I've tried to get them to spend time together but Logan is convinced James is still after me.My husband has female friend he doesn't spend time with without me present by his own choice not mine.I didn't plan on falling asleep at James' place and that was all we did;sleep.
2007-03-27 05:14:07 · update #2
You are responsible for your own actions. Seeing this man so often without your husband present and "accidentally" falling asleep on the couch - you seem to subconsciously want to jeopardize your marriage. I think you really want out. Your husband senses this and is responding accordingly.
Prove you still love him and want to be with him only - end this "friendship" with the other guy and work on your marriage.
2007-03-27 07:50:49 · answer #1 · answered by §Sally§ 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Let me make sure I read this right: You had dinner and watched a movie with your ex boyfriend and spent the night at his house, without even calling your husband. And you think your HUSBAND is being unreasonable?
GROW UP. You are being disrespectful, rude, inconsiderate and just plain mean to your husband. Can you imagine sitting at home, knowing your husband was over at his ex girlfriend's house and then waiting up all night, with no phone call, no nothing? You're lucky the locks weren't changed when you got home.
Oh, and news flash, honey. Your "friend" could have woken you up at any point during the night, but didn't. He let you sleep there, knowing the problems it would cause. There is no shade of grey here. It's a cut and dry, black and white simple conclusion. YOU WERE WRONG. And yes, you DO have to give up this friend. Not because he's an ex, not because your husband is threatened by him, not because you're fooling around, but because you've proved that you can't hang out with him and still respect your husband or your marriage. And if you have a friend that makes you feel like it's okay to treat your husband so poorly, he has no business being in your life.
You owe your husband an apology and you need to sit down and some thinking about what it is you really want from your life. If you regret not waiting for James, then figure that out. But you can't treat your husband like this and just expect him to take it.
Good luck.
2007-04-02 05:25:41 · answer #2 · answered by Vix 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do you want a divorce?
This is a 2 edged sword. U say u won't/don't want to give up ur husband then respect his wishes plain and simple.
And no, u shouldn't have to end a good friendship b-cuz he feels that, that relationship is threatening his relationship w/ u. AND there it is... he feels that, that relationship is threatening to your marriage. How much do u value ur marriage? vs. ur friendship. And keep in mind he is your husband not James, he's the 1 u made the life commitment w/ not James, U 2 made a promise to GOD concerning each other, " 'til death do us part, let no man put asunder" and least we forget he (James) may still want you, so ur husband could be more right then u think. The whole 'new puppy' thing HA! a rouse (i'm sure) to get u over there; u said it urself, u love dogs, & I'm quite sure James knows this well. And the 2 of them will probably never b friendly towards each other, ever. So choose, stay married or get divorced.
2007-04-02 06:39:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are lying.
Why is it so hard for you to see that this is bothering your husband to the point that he is threatening divorce. Do you want to lose your man? I think you are messing around with this guy and this guy has no respect for your marriage. Why would he even be friends with a married woman if he is a single man. You two have nothing in common besides the fact that you used to date each other. You have acted so loosely that this guy thinks that it is ok for a married woman to be sleeping on his couch or whatever the hell you did. I dont think it was sleeping. You leave this man alone. I think you are enjoying making your husband jealous by hanging around this successful guy with money and making him feel inadequate on purpose. Normally women with low self esteem themselves do this in order to have someone else feel littler that they do. There is no way you just got so SLEEPY that you couldnt carry your ass home to the man that pays the bills. You are full of it. And you know it. You do have to make a choice and guess what? Your marriage is the pick of the day!!! If you continue to see this man within 6 months your husband will cheat on you and break your heart because he will be trying to find someone that will give him exclusivity. Then you will wish you didn't have so much "TROUBLE" making a choice. Warning comes before destruction. Good Luck
2007-03-31 17:55:19 · answer #4 · answered by Ebony H 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your husband.. While there is nothing wrong with having "friends" of the ooposite sex, when you are married.. the kind of friendship you have, is a bit over the line. I mean, you're a married woman now. There is no reason for you to be going over to your male friends house.. hanging out to the point of falling asleep on his couch. That's just a bit much.
You know that your friendship is affecting your marriage, and therfore should put an end to it immediately. You should never make your own husband feel like second choice. If you truly love your husband as much as you say, then you need to do the right thing.. and let go of the friendship and focus on the relationship you have with your husband.
Take care!
2007-03-27 05:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are being unreasonable. Put yourself in his shoes. You two broke up and he found a great girl. The only reason they broke up was because she had to move and he didn't want to relocate, but the feelings were still there. Then she moved back and wanted to pick up where they left off. No sex, but they talk for hours, go on dates sometimes and he went to her house and fell asleep on the sofa. No phone call and you woke up in the morning alone, wondering what happened and thinking the worst. Then come to find out he slept at his ex girlfriends house.
How would you feel?
If you truly wouldn't trade your husband for anything, prove it and end the friendship with your ex.
Added:
He doesn't spend time with his female friends without you because he respects you and wants to make it unmistakable to you, that you are the only woman for him. You on the other hand are full of excuses to keep this other guy around. You want it to seem as if your husband is being unreasonable and that it's not a big deal. Well it is to your husband, so in effect it's a big deal to your marriage too. The fact that you haven't dropped this other guy like a hot potato says to me that you have deeper feelings for him than you are even willing to admit to yourself. No wonder your husband is threatened by him.
2007-03-27 04:51:36 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Mam. u need help.
Anybody will be furious if wife spends time with a friend and sleeps there at his place.
Look from his perspective-
He can't be sure if he is jsut a friend
He doesnot know u slept ona couch and not with ur friend.
As you said you will never trade your husband. These are just your feelings or words, Does he know about that? NO
SO either let go off this James or make a choice. May be u dont love your husband and u really love James
You cant have two birds- One in hand and another in bush
2007-04-04 02:23:49 · answer #7 · answered by ashley 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is an easy answer: you have to drop James from your life. If you weren't married, it might be harder to decide but you made some vows and your husband has some expectations about what your relationships with other men are going to be. This is someone you dated who asked you to move with him - so it was somewhat serious. He is not married. You're spending so much time with him that you can't remember to go home - at what point did you think someone was going to come and get you and escort you home before you 'fell asleep on the couch'? Even I wouldn't believe that crap story and I don't even know you.
I've been there and done exactly that. Your husband is going to get fed up with your 'technically' being faithful (YOU say). So think long and hard right now - you're dumping your husband for someone who's still interested in you; don't pretend that that is not just what you are doing!
2007-04-03 10:21:23 · answer #8 · answered by kathyw 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about forcing you to make a choice, but you definitely need to put your husband first. Only bad things can happen when you spend an night at a good friends house of the opposite sex. Obviously, you have significant feeling for him and by hanging out more and more will just make things more difficult between you and your husband. He is the guy you married and what about watching a movie with him. As far as making them do things together, you can forget that because there's already too much tension there to make that work. Good Luck!
2007-04-04 03:47:51 · answer #9 · answered by Mark S 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
wow. You slept over at a guys house...your married and your confused at your husbands anger? Surely you've thought about how you would feel if he was sleeping at other women's houses?? I don't believe he's being unreasonable in the very least. Your place is in bed with your husband. The huge difference in this case is that he's an ex boyfriend, not just a friend. If he truely truely is just a friend, how about trying to fix the problem instead of going behind your husbands back and basically dating another man? Maybe your husband wouldn't be so angry with the two of you being friends if you included him in your times together and show him that he really is the only one for you and you don't intend on cheating on him or leaving him or anything. In any case, I don't think he's insecure, I think he's pretty patient cause all my locks would have been changed if mine did that too me.
2007-03-27 04:37:55 · answer #10 · answered by occasionallyweird 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Trust is everything in a marriage without trust you have nothing.You should beable to have friends of the opposite sex.Your situation is a bit complicated for a few reasons.First of all you are friends with someone that you used to be romantically involved with now you have to stop and think how would you feel if your husband started hanging out with one of his ex-girlfriends and be honest I don't think it would make you very happy.Your friendship with your ex obviously bothers your husband and you should be more sympathetic to his feelings.I am sorry to say but what you did was WRONG You being a married woman you had NO business spending the night over at your ex's house.It does not matter that nothing happened that was still Wrong,Wrong,Wrong.Your husband has every right to be upset.Would you like it if your husband went and spent the night at his ex-girlfriends.I suggest that if you truely love your husband and value your marriage that you stop hanging out with your ex.If you want to be friends with your ex then include your husband if you want to hang out or do something with him then include your husband and bring your husband with..If you can't do that then there is a big problem.I think your husband had every right to give you an ultimatum what you are doing and the way you are making him feel is very inconsiderate.You need to decide if you love your husband and want your marriage or not.I personally think that yur husband should divorce you he deserves better.You want your cake and you want to eat it and that is just wrong..Your husband has every right to make you choose personally I don't think you should have a choice he should just divorce you.....
2007-03-27 04:45:25 · answer #11 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋