My x-fiance of 9 years and I broke up about 6 months ago, since then, we are still very attached both emotionally, physically and mentally. we talk all the time, we still love each other every much and have been intamate a few times. the reason for us breaking up was because of me and how i would checkout other women and pay more attention to them, i disrespected her family and started drinking way to much. since we split, i have got to therapy and got help.. now, she is trying to decide if she should take me back. she wants to but doesnt know how when everyone she knows is telling her not to.. she thinks that the only thing we can do is to stop talking for a month or so..that way we can try to figure out if we really want to get back together.. I have gone 5 days without talking to her and i go super insane, i feel down and out and cant sleep or eat, i just think about her. Is there something else that we can do to try and get back together? please help.
2007-03-27 04:22:56 · 12 answers · asked by Totally Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, if she wants to get back back with you, she will... no matter what her friends/ family say. They can get over it. For now, don't let her know you are going crazy without her. Dont pressure her. She obviously already has pressure from the friends and family. Things will work themselves out. Keep your head up!!!
2007-03-27 04:27:59 · answer #1 · answered by lovepink317537 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that you both need to talk with each other. I really don't think this whole splitting up and not talking works anything out it just creates a lot of confusion and hurt. You've been together for ( years it is so worth it for both of you to try your hardest and have a good talk. Communication will help this. Like this not talking thing is a bad idea. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Obviously you know now that you love this women and these other girls that you checking out and paying more attention too are not important as the one you love and you need to tell her that. Oh and make sure you haven't had anything to drink when you talk to her i guarantee that will end badly.
2007-03-27 04:33:31 · answer #2 · answered by Amber 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to be mean but you created this mess, it is up to her to deside what she wants, and stay off the bottle, because even if she takes you back now, she can leave you in the future because of the drinking. Not to mention 9 years? what is that all about, why haven't you made a commitment? If you really love her leave her alone, the ball is in her court. If you pressure her in any way it would be selfish of you. I don't want to discurrage you but most of these situations don't work out, this is life and you need to learn from it for her or for the next woman in your life. She does need to be away from you, at this point the only reason you are in her life is because of the fact that you are familiar to her and people by nature don't like change, even when the change is good, they rather stick with the old bad things because that is what they know. You might be able to change and if you do that is good, but you need to change for your self so you can be a better person for her. I do wish you and her the best regardless if you are together or along. Everyone deserves to be happy.
2007-03-27 04:32:48 · answer #3 · answered by NANCY J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you two have been together for 9 years and still have not gotten married, then consider it a blessing. Obviously you just were not ready and maybe you still are not. Men look at other women that's just the way men are, very visual. My husband looks at other women always has, but I know he is with me. I look on occasion too. But I don't look to take, I look to admire. So does my husband. Maybe your fiance' is a bit insecure because you have been engaged for so long and you two have not set a date. Give it some time, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. Also an apology to her family for your behavior would be a good start in the right direction.
2007-03-27 04:35:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she loves you as much as you love her, then she will want to get back with you, you have both invested 9 yrs into your relationship, having said this, she does need some space though, she has her feelings for you to deal with, her friends on another side to deal with and also an uncertainty about the future, you say that you have changed, and you have made efforts to fix it, thats great, but let her have the month, then maybe take a weekend away together to talk it over.
2007-03-27 04:34:14 · answer #5 · answered by natc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very hard question you should always be allowed to look its not a bad thing its human nature just think of how u would react if she was the same as you are and u in here shoes you cant just look at things one sided and as of u to getting back together there is nothing u really can do u cant force someone into being with you .you just have to wait things out have your own fun and see then.maybe take her out every once in a while see where it goes from there.. otherwise let nature take it course...(i wish i was at the meeting when god said is there any people against lettin everyone go through pain before the find complete happiness) i would of raised my hand and i alson wish the best of luck to you i know its very hard but it could be worth the wait!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY remember to smile itll do you a lot of good!!
2007-03-27 04:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by fox_racing_21_82 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was curious as to why there was a 9 year relationship and no marriage thats a long time....when a woman is scourned she really has to have time to heal...she seems to have trouble letting go of the past but if she is wanting to stop talking for a month or so it sounds to me that she is trying to tell you in a nice way that it is over....as much as love has to do with a lot of things some hearts just cant be mended...if she really wanted to get back together she would only think of you and her and how others are going to judge her!!
2007-03-27 04:29:59 · answer #7 · answered by sonialynnl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should both go to therapy together to try to work things out. Then if things do work out her family and friends will know that the 2 of you have talked out all of your problems and that everything is OK.
2007-03-27 04:31:04 · answer #8 · answered by Tink 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first question, why engaged for 9 years, were you not serious about marrying her???
really search yourself, do yo have girl friends (just friends) that are not her friends too?? if yes, get rid of them
find in her what makes her more to you than checking out other women.
go to marriage counseling WITH her. sounds odd but it really shows commitment and you will probly understand more about what she likes and why she doesn't like you as much (enough to be with you)
if you are the one to suggest it, she will see you seriousness, and will start listening to your point of view more.
she needs to feel good about this decision.
don't be quick to get upset, understand where she is coming from.
right her name on your bathroom mirror so you remind yourself every morning that when you look at your self, you see her.
2007-03-27 04:31:59 · answer #9 · answered by Stamping Machine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what she suggests is a good start. Just try to put your mind on other things and wait the month. Think of it as an investment for the future.
2007-03-27 04:26:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋