I submitted yesterday hoping it'll be published, please tell me what you think.....be honest.....tell me it sucks if it does.
Seeing You
The rain is drowning,
Work was regrettable,
The car wouldn’t start,
Today is worth frowning.
Now walking home,
Rain dripping down my chin,
There is no one out,
I feel very alone.
Opening the door,
Soaked through and dripping,
Thinking how terrible today was,
Muddy shoes on the floor.
Then you step in,
Cheeks glowing walking to me,
Drying my hair with a towel,
You kiss me still smiling.
Accompanying you to the kitchen,
Rain still splashing outside,
Handing me a cup of hot cocoa,
Then you ask and want to listen.
How was your day?
Looking at you forgetting everything,
Knowing you love me,
Not lying I had a perfect day.
2007-03-27 03:59:38 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Good poem- sounds alot like "Thank you" from Dido.
2007-03-27 04:28:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like this poem. I really like the way the first and last lines of each stanza have sound rhyme. Now the problem with this is that in the second stanza this is not true. It makes me feel like that stanza is out of place. A few places I feel like the rhythm is not wonderful but I know how hard it is to make a poem rhyme. I love the subject! It's a really sweet poem. Nicely written. I hope you keep writing.
2007-03-27 17:13:14 · answer #2 · answered by mama_chickadee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ideas are lovely, the message is good, but rewrite the first stanza because it lacks rythm.
2007-03-27 12:12:44 · answer #3 · answered by mbestevez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what I call poetry. I love your poem.
2007-03-27 11:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by lil genius 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its good work on it alittel and its would be fantastic but in other words very good
2007-03-27 11:31:45 · answer #5 · answered by twistedlove10204 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it is very good although the rhythm is kinda off. very good.
2007-03-27 16:19:29 · answer #6 · answered by Forest 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋