Me and boyfriend were together for 3 years and decided to tell our parents about getting married. Although were both muslims, were different casts but thought naively, that this wouldnt matter. My parents were unsure but for my happiness agreed, but his parents said 'no-way' was he marrying me as am different cast to them. He is Tai and I am a Khalifa. In their eyes, I come from a "low background" and hated the idea so much they threathned to disown him. My parents were also stressed and upset and we didnt know what to do. In the end, we both agreed that we could not go against his parents wishes and put my parents through agony if we went ahead on our own. So we've split up and i havent seen or spoken to him since. Its only been 11 days, but feels like months and ive never been so miserable in my life. Did i do the right thing in leaving my chance of happiness with the one guy i love so much? Or keeping my parents happy and marry someone else who i know i'll never truly be hapy with?
2007-03-27 03:50:04 · 10 answers · asked by Abs-Ashl3y 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi... i don't know much about different traditions and the ways of muslim religion.
I'm really sorry to hear you're saddened, and that you miss your boyfriend so much. this has to be very difficult for you.
At your adult age, I would think you and your boyfriend could make your own choices... we can't help who we fall in love with! It's terrible you had to split up, just because of religious casts.
For what it's worth, you don't have to get married at all, if you don't want to.... and if you and your boyfriend can't get back together, it might be easier to be alone, than to be with someone you don't love or care for....
I hope things work out. I suppose I do not have very good advice, but i felt bad for you when i read this, and wanted you to know my heart goes out to you.
all the best, hon.
2007-03-27 04:02:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are cultural issues going on in your story that I have not faced being an American. From an American perspective, both sets of parents can just get over themselves and you and your boyfriend get married and live happily ever after. A saying here is, "They can get happy in the same pants they got mad in."
However, where your from. There is a good chance that if you were to get married against your families wishes, you and your boyfriend would not only be disowned from the family but outcasts from society. Based on your society/culture, I think you did the right thing.
However, if you keep telling yourself that you will never truly be happy with anyone else you have just made it a self fulfilling prophecy. Many women around the world do not get to marry the man they THINK are the loves of their lives, only to be presented to their "prince charming" a few years later. The key to getting over someone is time and perception.
2007-03-27 04:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel that there is no such thing as that one person that is right for you. In America, our population has crested over 3 billion people. Statistically speaking there are many people out there that is a better fit.
Coming from a poor trailer park background I married someone who family was better off. It has been 6 years now, my family still feels less educated, and second class to hers.
It is difficult but I feel that you did the right thing. Remember that it is never just you two living in a bubble. Once children are brought into the picture, you have just solidified the merger of the extended families.
I know this is not what you want to hear but I wish you well. Good luck.
2007-03-27 04:15:57 · answer #3 · answered by ocoeekid 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that he decided he could not go against his parents wishes. You can't make him change his mind. If he did go against their wishes they never would have welcomed you or your children. You would never have been "part of the family" and he would have gone to family gatherings alone unless he wrote his parents off all together. So maybe it is for the best because many have lived in misery where family cultures are so strong and unwilling to bend. I wish you every happiness and you will find someone new some day who is everything you ever dreamed of and who would never choose his family over you.
2007-03-27 04:12:17 · answer #4 · answered by bvtc6677 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ughh thats a horrible one, I am so sorry your going through this.
Personally I would of chose love. I dont want to be naive because I dont fully understand the kast system, however shoudlnt they be happy you guys are atleast marrying into the same religion?
I would talk to your boyfriend. Maybe if both parents meet and you guys are there to talk, you can convince them that is what you want. And they need to find a way to work it out. And then promise them grandbabies hehe.
2007-03-27 03:56:13 · answer #5 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, We are European, so this is coming from a different perspective. My parents wanted me to have computers as my career, but I rather work in human resources. I met my soul mate and we had a baby a year later, we got married in 2005, and had our second child in 2006. I wanted to be a mom, and I didn't let my family stop me.
2007-03-27 04:01:56 · answer #6 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this. If you had a daughter who, as a young woman, fell in love with a member of a different caste, would you tell her to follow her heart, or would you pressure her to marry within her caste? Decide the answer to that, and then do for yourself what you would do for a hypothetical daughter.
2007-03-27 03:59:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to live your own life; not the ones that your parents want. If he feels the same way about you he will disown his family and choose you. If he doesn't, then Allah has made his will clear.
2007-03-27 03:54:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey...You need to start living for yourself and not your parents.You need to do what makes you happy.Your parents will not be around forever and it is selfish of them to keep you from being happy.Don't let his or your parents ruin your happiness.Get back together with him and start living YOUR life.Your parents chose who they wanted to be with and what made them happy and now it is your turn to have the same chance.If you try to live for your parents you will be very unhappy.Good Luck & Best Wishes.
2007-03-27 03:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
follow your own life, and although muslim culture is very different fron the occidental culture, I can understand where the parents are coming from. but still, like I said, live your life, only you can decide who you can marry.
2007-03-27 03:57:14 · answer #10 · answered by boricua_chick_21 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋