Why do I try to help people?

Question

I have now somehow managed to get myself in the middle of some diabolical excuse for a relationship. One of which has been accusing me of being a lair the other of which has a warped perception of absolutely everything due to her over active insecurity and imagination. Why do I try to help people? Why don't I just let them all mess things up by themselves? Lets face it, they're going to anyway.

My overriding problem is, if someone asks for my help I find it incredibly hard not to.

Hummm, feel I may have portrayed myself inaccurately in my angry rant.

I'm actually in trouble for an email the girlfriend read, which had been sent to me from the boyfriend;

"what do you mean… trouble? Have I forgotten her birthday? Is it that time of the month again and I didn’t remember to make sure I moved my bag two inches to the right this morning?"

- it was a joke, she didn't have to read it. It's the kind of joke any guy going out with a girl with no sense of humour makes behind her back instead of to her face.

Answer 1

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be kind. Guess you need to be selective in who you're helping.

Answer 2

With children, you have to let them make their own mistakes sometimes. It's the only way they will learn. Some kids won't learn by hearing about a problem. They have to live it. The parent has to take a step back and painfully watch their child make a mistake so that the child can learn from it. Not all kids are like this, but some are. It's the same with adults. You can't "fix" everyone. You can't "help" everyone. Let these people mess things up on their own. They will learn from the experience. You aren't responsible for their happiness, they are. Stop helping them.

Answer 3

There are alot of people that ask for help but when you give them the help that they need not what they want then that becomes a problem. I have run into several people who ask me for advice or ask me to be honest and say what I persive about the issue coming from another point of view but once I do they will totaly disagree and at times get angry at me and not talk to me. But I have come to realize that they dont want to accept the truth.... they see it but dont believe it, most of the time these proplems are very simple to solve but we get caught up in the situation thinking there is no way out and ask for the help of a friend, then that friend tries to open your eyes with the truth but the truth hurts and you deny it.......

This happens everyday to everybody... my advice is that be very catious about helping your friends or giving advice to other people cause when it comes to a sensible subject people will not go easy on you!!

Jay♥

Answer 4

Because you are a nice caring person. There a quite a lot about. But because not everybody is the same it is easy for the nice guy to be taken advantage of by an unscrupulous person.We tend to think the best about every body until alas we are proved wrong. I think that ,nice as you are,that you should probably be a little less forward in offering your help, at least until you have had a chance to evaluate the situation and to take prudent precautions.

Answer 5

Don't change & continue trying whenever you can to help. You can't help it because you know that in time of need you would like to find some helping hands too. If only some of your help bring any positive result, you have reason to congratulate yourself, no matter whether your action is appreciated or not. You had not set out to get gratitude but give help.

Answer 6

personally I don't think it's kindness as alot of people think. I do this myself and I think it's because I'm afraid to say no, worried that people won't like me if I dont help them etc. It's down to assertiveness. Tell yourself that they're taking the piss and you don't have to help anyone but yourself if you dont want to. Dont say it nastily to them, just say you've got alot on and dont want to deal with other people's problems at the moment. no one will think any the less of you for it

Answer 7

its good you want to help people but some people are a lost cause and you should just keep well away instead of ending up in the line of fire

Answer 8

Darling, your email pls. :P Yes no?
Honey, your cell nos pls :) Yes no?
Easy right? :) agreed, learn to say no after accessing what's worth to assist and what is not worth helping.

Answer 9

It is okay to agree to help people, but you should be filtering out the people who do not deserve your help. That way you don't waste your time helping people who don't deserve you more than once.
Then you can be helping people who appreciate you.
Learn to say 'NO.'

Answer 10

walk away you know that you are gonna get the blame
never get between relationships or two rabid dogs you will come of worse