Me & my fiancee have been together for 9 1/2 yrs(we started dating when we were 15 & have been engaged for 2yr)& now have a 3 year old little girl. About 4 months ago I cheated on him . He found out & left for a few weeks & after us talking we decided to try & work things out but now he doesnt know if he wants to be with me anymore. We just started seeing a marriage counslor. I hate myself for what I've done to him, I really do love him with all my heart, we were going through a bad time in our relationship when this happened. We had a lack of communication and I felt like we had drifted apart way before the affair. I am really sorry for hurting him, but I was hurting when this happened I felt like our relationship was dying & I didnt know what to do & I meet someone that didnt care about me at all but was telling me all the things I wanted to hear and I fell for it. All I want is to make things work for us, I truely do regret what I have done & will do anything to make it up to him
2007-03-27 03:30:38 · 13 answers · asked by kk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I sound insensitive, I apologize.
I'm not passing judgment here. I used to cheat on my ex all the time, so I can't pass judgment. He found out some things but he never knew the extent at which I was cheating. Some people say once a cheater, always a cheater. That's not true. I don't cheat anymore, so I know its not true. It's because I used to cheat that I know what all is involved- lies, schemes, and more lies. Unless the guy was a repair man and was in your house at a time when you felt 'vulnerable', or you were over a friend's house drinking and got taken advantage of by a neighbor, or you had a one night stand- a guy you met and within hours or at some point before parting company during the inital meeting had sex with- you had to lie or scheme to sleep with the other guy. That is the difference between someone who "just happens to cheat" and someone who actually sets out to cheat.
It would be different if the guy you slept with was just someone you were spending time with, as in an actual date, and not having sex. Maybe then you could say that you were lonely and fell for the bs the guy was feeding you. That's not what happened here. You felt your relationship was dying so you turned to somebody else. That's doesn't happen in the heat of passion. That happens after you've had a second to think about all of the arguments, all of the hurt, and all of the pain.. after you've had a chance to think in your mind "this guy might better than the one I have". You thought the grass would be greener in another pasture, only to find out that the grass in your yard wasn't as brown as you thought.
That kinda thing you don't make up. You can't take back hurtful things you say and you can't make someone forget that you've hurt them, even if you shower them with sugar. What you can do is fly right and stay on the straight and narrow and thru your actions and committment to set things right, show your man that you realize your mistake and won't make (not let) it happen again. To be honest, your man may not accept that and still want to move on. Well then, it's no longer about him but about you getting right for the next guy. People make mistakes and they shouldn't spend a lifetime having to make amends for their mistakes. You shouldn't have to keep apologizing if you know you're doing the right thing now. At the same time, if he feels that strong about not trusting you, he needs to move on. Neither one of you are wrong. If time can't heal his wound, step aside and let somebody else do it.
Or you can spend however long he feels is sufficient, apologizing for your mistake.
2007-03-27 04:17:57 · answer #1 · answered by Honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as if you are truly sorry...although cheating is never the answer the fact that you admitted to it and he came back is sign that he's not ready to give up.
I think counseling is great, make sure you continue to go and listen to your spouse and make sure he's listening to you. Lack of communication is the downfall of any relationship. Just continue to be honest with him and try to show him that you've changed and want to make the marriage work. Unfortunately, you can't be the only one trying, if he doesn't seem like he wants to stay, you may have to let him go.
2007-03-27 10:42:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should learn from this for the next time. Your fiancee is showing signs that he is not going to be able to be with you as a husband. You messed up and now you must pay for that. I hope that you learn that going outside of the relationship is never a good idea. It always makes matters worse. Thank you and may GOD bless.
2007-03-27 10:40:09 · answer #3 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hind sight is always 20/20. The issue he has now is trust. How does he know that the next time you fall into a "bad time" you won't turn to someone else to make you feel better? This is what you need to convince him of....and be sure that you understand how he feels. Use this as proof that communication is key and there must always be open lines between you. Good luck!
2007-03-27 10:36:49 · answer #4 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be submissive, loving and beg for forgiveness..
Use sex as much as possible....It can be a powerful tool...
If there is anything sexual that you have avoided in
the past, now would be a good time to start offering...
2007-03-27 10:45:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
chcanes are you will make it htrough this but make sure it is what you really want. he will probally resent you for your affair and im sure you will fight about it often. there will always be a trust issue there. I suggest going to the counseling for a while and trying to work it out in a professional manner. i didi the same thing in my marriage and sometimes i ask myself if it is worth the fighting. any time he sees it on tv he is reminded and we fight, if he has a lot of time on his hand he is remeneded and we fight about it. see what I mean. i suggest trying to work it out for your child but it will be a tough road
2007-03-27 10:36:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You really can't do anything to make it better. If he chooses to stay, lucky you. If not, find some1 else to cheat on.
learn from this and keep ur skirt on!!!
2007-03-27 10:39:21 · answer #7 · answered by KRAZEDnKONFUSED 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go through with the counseling. It will take time but you can repair this with some hard work.
2007-03-27 10:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
NO He will never feel the same about you and you have ruined this relationship move on .he has
2007-03-27 11:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by JoyDivision 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After you cheated, you gave him the PERFECT excuse for him not to marry you and find someone else. It's over.
Sorry
PS/ I know that this is not what you want to hear but it's the truth.
2007-03-27 10:34:45 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋