If I don't feel like making love to my husband, does that mean I love him less than he loves me?

Question

There are many times I am not in the mood, he is always in the mood. Which can be great. But at the same time its very annoying. When I don't want to and he does(always) I feel guilty. Like he loves me more than I love him. I do love him, I just wish he would understan that I don't want to "make love" everyday. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

You not wanting to have sex with him everyday is no more an indication that you no longer love your husband, than him wanting to have sex with you everyday is an indication that he loves you. Sex isn't just an act to show love. It is possible to get off and not have the other person in mind. Your husband just has a high sex drive. You don't. There's nothing wrong with that. Very seldom will the two people in a couple get aroused at the exact same time without a porn movie.

I have to wonder if it came all of a sudden or if he's always been this way and your sex drive is depleting- rather than you having never been the type to want sex all the time. If there's a break in pattern, as in he always wants it now, it may just be a phase that'll pass. If your sex drive is decreasing, while his has remained the same, you're being unfair. While you aren't obligated to have sex with your husband everyday, unless you're willing to let someone else satisfy your husband, you should consider being somehow active in his intimacy. There are a whole lot of options besides conventional sex- like oral sex and mutual masturbation. Maybe you can give him a strip tease while he masturbates sometimes.

I'm not suggesting to you to totally give in to your husband desires. Your body is your own and should be controlled by you only. You should never be forced or manipulated to do something you don't want to do. But if your husband goes dissatisfied long enough, he could entertain the idea of cheating. How would you feel if your husband turned off from you completely?

Answer 2

You're just normal. You;re be surprise to know that most of us are going thru the same thing. At first, i felt guilty also for not wanting him as much he wanted me but after you've been with each for so long, you understand each other and don't take it the wrong wasy. My husband and I have an understanding now that someday i'm into it and someday i'm not. He used to joke with me saying that since we are catholic, it's a sin for me to not give in to your husband. hhehehe...if not, why don't you set up a schedule, for instance, on Tuesday, it's sex day. No excuses from both parties.

Answer 3

Making Love To My Husband

Answer 4

Women are not programmed the same way as men and what you are experiencing is totally normal. Women never seem to turn off the issues of the day, kids, work, house, family, extended family, the pets, who needs what, what needs to be done today, tomorrow, next week. Men come home from work, usually leave work at work, might do something around the house, watch tv, and are ready for sex. From the time the guys gets home women have to have dinner ready, clean up from dinner, do laundry, pack lunches, have the kids ready for school tomorrow, decide what to have for dinner tomorrow, see if there are any scheduling conflicts or who needs to be where when, possibly clean up some mess, so when a woman finally falls into bed all her energy has been used up and she has none for "extracurricular activities". Explain this to your husband and see if you guys can work something out, maybe he could help with some of the night time rituals to lighten your load so you have some energy when you get to bed, or maybe he could massage your to relax you before moving on to other activities. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Don't look down on yourself .
But talk to him that's the best thing their is so much more to love than sex it does play a big role but you both need to meet each others needs and no needs talk and work it out Maybe your just so hot that it he is always looking at you for sex or he maybe wants to please you and he thinks that's what you want .Talk .
Love each other beyond the sex ,and that will even be better.

Answer 6

Do you really want to train him away from having sex with you. Do you want him to learn to watch TV and fall asleep in the chair after you have gone to bed and told him "not tonight". He could go hang out with his friends at the pool hall, have a few beers, commiserate with others in like situations. There are men who reject sex and women who shoot pool too. You should do a little extra home study on this subject before you turn him loose on the town with a frustrated sex drive. Maybe you can come up with something to do that will make your last five minutes of the day enjoyable for you.

Answer 7

Intimacy can be shown both inside the bedroom & outside of the bedroom. You can show your love in many other ways if you don't feel like "making love" per say.

Answer 8

How often you want to have sex is does not show how much you love him. Sex is important to him and how he perceives the relationship, so how often you have sex needs to be worked out between the two of you so that you are both happy with it, but don't equate not wanting to have sex with not loving him.

Answer 9

A mans sexual desires are much stronger than women.Don' t put youself down by thinking you don't love him the same way.

Answer 10

There may be some communication issues that you guys can work out to make for a smoother sex life. Set up some rules and dont make it combative. Ill tell you this - there will be a time when perhaps he has a lower sex drive then you. Then who will be sorry for all the wasted opportunities you passed up on. You should be thrilled within reason.