Whenever i do anything i always seem to focus on the bad bits. Like last night i had a driving lesson. It went fantastically. Except on the way home i stalled as i went around a corner on a main road. All i keep thinking about is this and not how well the lesson as a whole went.
why is this? and how can i retrain my brain?
please no smartass answers!
2007-03-27 03:09:40 · 16 answers · asked by Mr Jolly 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I think what you are feeling is an inherent thing with us humans it's what makes us strive to do better.
However, getting the balance is important. so now you have to try and think why you stalled the engine and make sure it does not happen again. And not that you stalled it. Remember you are learning and to learn something we have to make mistakes along the way.
All the best with the lessons and good luck for your test. I'm sure you will do just fine.
2007-03-27 03:15:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do the same, i always focus on the negative and i hate it!! I don't help myself by being a perfectionist at things. The only thing i have found that works for me is to think how far i have got with what ever it is i'm doing. I remember learning to drive which was quite recent and doing the same as you. This has nothing to do with driving but recently i was unable to ride my horse and thought i would never be able to again, turns out i managed to and the other day i rode and thought that wasn't good or i could have done that better. When i first got back on him it was a big break through and thought that i will be grateful for what ever happens next as just getting on was a big thing. So the other day i remembered this and far i'd come with him and thought to myself actually it wasn't that bad after all.
2007-03-27 03:33:47 · answer #2 · answered by Steph 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok what you have to do is start looking at the negative things in your life in a whole new light:
If YOU are the one who is dwelling on these negatives then try to think about how important these things will be 10 years down the road. Do you actually think that your stalling the car as you turned a corner will have some monumental impact on your life 10 years from now? If not, then forget it.
If you believe that SOMEONE ELSE is going to be impacted by negative things you have done, then please believe me, the other people in your life have other things to worry about. I am sure if you have a driving instructor he goes home and worries about his bills, his kids, his job and all sorts of other things. It is highly unlikely that he goes home and dwells on the fact that one of his (many) students stalled a car on the corner. He probably couldn't care less. It's just part of his job.
2007-03-27 03:27:42 · answer #3 · answered by carnivale4ever 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think we all naturally do this because as human beings we are problem solvers so when there is danger, a problem or something bad we automatically focus our attention on this. even though it is sometimes unhelpful to do so.
the first step is recognising yourself doing this and almost looking at the thought from a distance and realising that you do not have to believe it and come up with the positive flip side, eg, you didnt have a crash, everyone stalls sometimes, it is just because you are not that experienced, mostly the lesson went well and you enjoyed it.
Good luck!
2007-03-27 19:47:50 · answer #4 · answered by insane penguin 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand this cycle as i am in a habit of doing this myself. I feel from your question that you have the answer and that is to focus on what you feel you do right rather than what you do wrong. Try to use yourself as your judge but also try to be kind to yourself as you would a friend, be objective. Try not to focus on the 20% but rather the 80% - usually the good :) It will be a hard habit to break, but if you try little by little you should feel better about yourself and trust yourself to be human - there is no such 'thing' as perfect, we all make mistakes. We can learn from our mistakes but we may not be able to avoid making them. Best wishes to you,
2007-03-27 03:24:16 · answer #5 · answered by ms_jgtaylor 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is a great book out there called 'The Mind Gym' and it looks at exactly these kinds of things... you will find it in any bookstore. You're really talking about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) - basically retraining your brain to think better.
Check out the book - it helped me immensley!!
2007-03-27 03:16:03 · answer #6 · answered by PrettyKitty 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try writing down all the things you did right and wrong. Then read it over - it'll become clear just what is actual reality. What you experienced was the embarrasment as well as the anxiety that went along with it Completely natural but these re-enforce what went wrong.
2007-03-27 03:13:58 · answer #7 · answered by KANGA 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to tell yourself that no-ones perfect(very true)
We all make mistakes in our life it's what makes us who we are. Concentrate on the things that make you feel good about yourself, I'm sure there are lots!! The next time you make a silly mistake just laugh it off then forget it. Ask your friends and family what they think your good points are, I bet you will be pleasantly surprised!
2007-03-27 03:24:47 · answer #8 · answered by steffykins 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess you are a perfectionist, wanting to be good & perfect every thing you do. Try to be considerate & forgiving to yourself as you would others, just aim to be better next time, another chance to make good.
2007-03-27 03:33:59 · answer #9 · answered by MoiMoii 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
your mind is playing tricks on you, you need to get in a routine habit, tell yourself nothing but good and positive things, do it as much as possible, or maybe you need to see a psychiatrist, you need someone to talk to that can help you through this.
2007-03-27 03:19:36 · answer #10 · answered by future journalist 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋