I want to have a baby, but how do I know when the time is perfect?

Question

I am about to be 21years old, but I'm not into the partying scene or drinking alcohol.My husband and I have been married for over a year but we've been together for 4 years. He has a good paying job. We have a big two bedroom apartment and we've both been wanting to have a baby for 2 years now! It's all I think about! I cant eat or sleep without thinking about it. I want a baby so bad that my heart aches! We keep deciding that when my birth control pills run out we will try to get pregnant, but how do I know if it will be the right thing to do? I can't help but constantly think about the "what-ifs." I'm a control freak and the fact that having a baby will bring me into unknown territory scares me. I don't know how to get over that fear. For instance, doctor visits and medical bills are stressful and are all new to me. I know I'd be a great mother, but I can't help but being afraid of the unknown. If there are any moms reading this, how did you get over the fear to take the plunge?

Answer 1

I just took it. We both knew we wanted kids and we didn't want to be old having them. My husband is seven years older than I am, I was 22 and he was 29 when our son came along. (We're 21 weeks along with number two, our son is 2.5). It's definitely a scary leap. Because that's it, your life is no longer your own...if you are the type that likes quiet and alone time. There will be none.. :) BUT, that said, having a child was the most fulfilling and happy thing we had done. It's definitely the hardest job on the planet, being a mom, but it's well worth it. I know how you feel when you say 'i want a baby so bad my heart aches.' I felt this way exactly last year. I wanted a new baby sooo bad. We were so overjoyed in november finding out we were having number two, but I still sometimes get overwhelmed with the ideas of how things are going to be, how will we handle it, will out little boy adjust ok to a new baby, how will I ever get any grocery shopping done with a newborn and three year old..lol, so many things go through your mind.
You say you're a control freak too, things will change. For the first few years anyways, it'll be impossible to keep up with the housework etc. Sounds like you don't work, so I think you'll handle a kid just fine.

Only you can decide whether or not you're ready to take this plunge. But you sound like a loving person. And the fact that you and your husband want children shows that you are the loving kind and you want the same things in your lives. Talk it over with him. Decide whether or not you both are ready, and start taking prenatal vitamins. Doctors recommend taking these three months before trying to conceive. They have special vitamins and minerals like folic acid, that is proven to help prevent serious birth defects like spina bifida. Take one a day, everyday. Before, throughout and even after you have the baby. As long as you are breastfeeding.
So important. Eat healthy, drink lots of milk, and here's the link to find out your most fertile times:
http://www.babycenter.com/calculators/ovulation/

Good luck and have fun. Children are hard work, but the good well outweighs the bad. They are little treasures. They enrich your life so much. You'll be glad you had them. It's fun having a family.

Answer 2

From the time you get married, you should wait at least 5 years before having children. Why?

Well, I a pragmatist. The statistics right now are that about 50% of marriages end in divorce. You got married really young, at 20, and marriages of people in that age group are about 70-80% likely to get divorced. As much as you don't want to hear it and won't believe it, the odds are against your marriage succeeding. I know that you are in love, and that you can't imagine breaking up, but everyone who gets married says that, yet most get divorced anyway. It's something a mature person would take into consideration.

By waiting until your 5th anniversary, you will have a much better picture of how strong your marriage is, and if it is still stable enough to last. That way, you have a better chance of assuring that your baby grows up with both parents living in the house, which is the best scenario for the baby.

It may be hard for you to wait, but it will be so much better later. You'll have a few more years to enjoy being a married couple, and able to do spontaneous things for yourselves without having to find a babysitter. Do you realise that you are just now old enough to go out to dinner with your husband and have a glass of wine with your meal? If there's any trips that you've wanted to take, go before you have kids, because after it will never happen. You could also use that time to bank some money, and maybe get an actual house to raise a family in. You will also be a little more mature, and better able to deal with the rigors of motherhood.

Really, you're so young right now, and in this country the average life expectancy is around 80 years old. There isn't any rush for this, and this is something that is important to you, so you owe it to yourself to wait a while and make sure the stage is set for children and that you are as prepared as you can be.

Answer 3

I am 17 weeks pregnant with my first and I couldn't be more happy. That wasn't the case when I first found out I was pregnant. I know that my husband and would do fine as parents and we really have nothing to worry about, but I still let the things like, how will we be able to pay the insurance deductible, 20% of the hospital bill, and all the extra things that come up that you don't plan on or think about.
I was discussing my concerns with my mom, and she told me that, even though I have all these concerns about the financial things, it comes down to this, you are carrying the child of a man that loves you more than anything in the whole world, and no matter how tough it gets at times, you will always have this child to remind you that love conquers all, love never fails, love is the greatest gift of all, and the love that this child represents and the love that this child will bring into your life is priceless, and all the things you are feeling now just disappear the first time you hear that little heart beat, when you feel that little kick, and see the first ultrasound, and then the best day of your life when that child makes it's debut.

I have since then gotten over my fears, although there's no turning back now :) and I have heard the heart beat, seen the ultrasound, waiting on the kicking, but I can say from my experience so far that you will forget about all the "what ifs" and take the problems as they come, and look at each little test of you faith as a means for your love between you and your husband to grow stronger, and the anticipation for your little baby will get stronger and your love for your child will grow until you think you will just burst with joy.

So just do it, don't think about all the "what ifs" just think about the joy and love that will be brought into your life by a new little blessing. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

Having a baby is a huge responsibility! You know you are ready when you can provide the baby with a good loving, nurturing environment.

Babies are really expensive....can you afford to spend lots of money on formula (if you don't breastfeed), diapers, and other necessities for your baby? Can you afford proper child care if needed? Can you afford to pay your rent plus all your bills, etc, in addition to the babies expenses? These are all things to think about when considering having a baby.

There are always a lot of "what-ifs" when having a baby and there will always be as he/she gets older. No one really knows what they are heading into when having a family. I don't think you could possibly prepare for every little thing. Just take it all in one day at a time.

We didn't have any fears about having our daughter. She is now 3.5 months old and it has been great! My husband and I just made sure we would be able to provide for her and give her a loving, nurturing environment.

Answer 5

my 2 yr old daughter wasnt planned so had no probs there but my fiance and i are trying for a second and its been 10 months so far, people have told me not to stress about it so much to just enjoy the sex which is hard but acheivable the more u think about it the more it wont happen. If you havent already done so find out when u ovulate this will help with when the best time is to have sex. Dont worry about the unknown territory when u become pregnant just enjoy the experience. good luck

Answer 6

My husband and I are in your same position exactly, right down to the 2 bedroom apartment, lol. We just decided that we have our lives on track enough right now we will be able to support a child and love him or her with our full hearts. I was still unsure, but I want this baby so badly. Go to http://www.mymonthlycycle.com to track you ovulation to better conceive.
P.s. I am turning 21 April 27, when do you?

Answer 7

Personally, I'd wait and enjoy being just the two of you.

I got married at 19 (7 years ago) and we just had a baby 6 months ago. I wish we would have had him maybe a year or two earlier but it was super-good for our relationship to wait. Now we know each other so much better and are much stronger as a couple... we're much better parents for it.

Good luck, but be patient, you have so much time to become a mom, enjoy your new husband for a while first!

Answer 8

There is no perfect time for babies, because we dont live in a perfect world. You decide to have a baby because you're committed to it no matter what it needs or takes to meet those needs.

You cant predict the future, the hardships or bad times, but you can decide to see that child through them.

Youre not too young, you're not too poor, you're not too anything.

If you both want a baby and you're both committed to raising it no matter what, then go for it. Its hard, and it seems impossible all the time, but its more than worth it. One smile, one kiss, makes up for years of hardship and sleepless nights.

Stop being a control freak. Its not healthy for you, and dangerous to the unborn. It causes stress which causes miscarriages. Stop it.

Answer 9

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