Could someone help me find a female monologue?

Question

I am 16 and i need a humerous monologue that i can get into and actually remember(i tend to forget boring monologues...) if you have a link or one that u could give me, i'd really appreciate it!!!

Answer 1

Here's one


Casting Call


By: Kelly Campbell


(Sarcastic) The list will be posted today they said. After second period, they said. Obviously some one has no sense of time. (Pacing back and forth) how can they do this to a person? It's not humane; its cruel and unusual punishment. Some one should tell them that they are going against the constitution! (Calming self) it's ok Erica. Don't get worked up over it. Its just one little play, there will be more its no big deal if I don't get in, it really isn't. (Pause) What if I didn't get it! What would I do? I wand to get into this play more than anything right now. (Pause) But what if I did get in? What if I got the lead part? I have never had a lead part before. I never thought that I would be this nervous. I promised myself that I wouldn't be, but I am. I really, really am! (Pause, looking around) More people are coming for the same reason I did. They are all waiting for the casting list to be posted. They look so confident. There is Josh. Man, he was good, he is sure to get the male lead. And Susan, I could never be compared to her. She was amazing on stage; Mr. Barley loved her. She was radiant, like she was put on this earth to play the female lead. Then there was me. I stood one stage, my hands shook, my voice quaked, I was horrible. (Laughs to self and starts to walk away) What was I thinking. I will never get a part in a single play on campus. I'm not as good as any of the people here. The best I could ever get is maybe a rock, if I'm lucky that is. (Pause) why do I do this? Why do I build up my hopes like this when I never have a chance? I might as well just forget about it, I don't want to hurt by self-esteem any more than I already have. (Walks away then stops abruptly and looks back, something has caught her eye) Mr. Barley just stepped out the door with something in his hand. (Gasping) It's the list! (Starts walking towards the list, then pauses) so, now I must decide, do I care? (Pause) Yes I do! (Walks over, runs finger down the list. Pauses when finder is low down the list.) It says my name! It actually says my name! What am I? (Looks back at the list then laughs to self) Well, its better than the rock. Erica Beth Marsely will be playing the tree in this year's performance.

Answer 2

Analyse the fact that all monologues should be female!!

( as an antifeminist would say..)

I am serious. This subject can be very humorous.