i am 24 years old, and my father controls everything in my life. as long as i do what he wants, then we are fine, but as soon as i decide to do something that he doesnt approve of, even though he doesnt get mad at times, you can tell he is annoyed..what do u think i should do?..leave home? i am being nice on him in this message, but he has some kind of a passive aggressive thing going on... every body does what he wants, but i dont want to be one of his "servants"..okay, he is not really that bad, but from reading that do you think i should leave home? what should i do?
2007-03-27 00:49:55 · 19 answers · asked by Hitch 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
but, he is a nice guy.and we kinda get along... really...i want to be there for him(cuz my folks are divorced) but, i worry that, overtime, he is not going to respect me, and will always see me as a kid..or should i just wait and let him "introduce" me to life some more?
2007-03-27 00:56:44 · update #1
If you are 24yrs. old and have had your fill of being told what to do, I would definitely start thinking about being on your own. It's hard once you've become and adult child still living at home getting them out of the habit of being your everyday keeper. Get your own place and slowly ease him out of your everyday affairs. Eventually he will notice that you don't ask for his opinion much anymore and that you don't come around much. He will perhaps start to back off then. It's hard, because I have controlling parents myself. I lived at home until I was 24 too, but left then and I do the mistake every once in awhile of telling them too much about what is going on and then of course it's the old habits coming back telling me what I should do (My own fault, I know better). I joke around with them alot and we have established our roles now as I am a married professional. It takes adjusting on all sides. But yes, I do think it's time to move out. You are not allowing your father a chance to change his role as you are still under his roof, which allows him to think he still rules the roost.
2007-03-27 00:56:52 · answer #1 · answered by daff73 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to consider some points...
1. do you have the funds?? Money, moolah, bucks!! A steady job?
2. are you sure you're not overacting to something not very great? I mean, sometimes parents can get concerned and try to give advice. This may be misinterpreted by children. Is this question just the result of a frustrated half an hour or more than that?
You're twenty four, old enugh to take care of yourself...move out if you need to live your own life...but don't cut off ties with your dad or anything. You may regret it later.
I'd think the thing to do is discuss things out in a mature way.
2007-03-27 01:01:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy for people to give advice if they're situations are different from yours. Not really knowing your dad and what kind of person he is, it's really hard to give you advice. I do understand what you're going through though (at least somewhat). I'm 28, and I still live with my dad too. Only now, it's me, my boyfriend and my daughter. It's impossible for me to live on my own right now, due to some REALLY bad choices I've made in the past, but mainly b/c we have no income right now, due to various reasons. And my dad still yells at me for being online late at night, or if the kitchen isn't clean right away.
It's frustrating to be an adult and to still get yelled at and treated as a child sometimes. The main thing is, if you are able to leave, then by right you should be on your own. But ALOT of people still live at home, it's not like it used to be when our parents were our age. You just gotta do what you think is the right choice for you.
(Just because someone still lives with their parents, doesn't mean that their parents are fully supporting them. This guy didn't say his dad was supporting him. He wasn't asking for advice on that.)
2007-03-27 01:26:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sugar Booger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, tough one, because it sounds like this is just how he is with everyone. It sounds like he doesn't realise he's being this way, it's just him. I'd talk to him and say, you know, I'm a grown up now - I feel you're trying to control aspects of my life, I appreciate your guidance BUT I can make my own decisions. If he takes the "not under my roof" stance, then say... well I may have to leave to go under my own roof to life my life independently.
As a Mum to two lads, I would imagine it's hard when they grow up to try and step back and let go of the reigns a bit.
Good Luck!!
2007-03-27 01:01:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is really troubling you and you can afford to move out, then move out. But if it's not that bad as you say --talk to him. Tell him his behavior has gone on far enough! You need to set him straight and tell him you are a grown man, he did a great job @ it, but NOW you make your own decisions in "your" life.
2007-03-27 01:34:40 · answer #5 · answered by M. M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a father of 7 year old boy. I helped him to walk, talk and cleaned his bottom many times a day, rocked by walking to put him to sleep, sung lullabies with my heavy untrained voice etc. Now I have to use loving words, beating myself(emotional black mail as per him) to bit of threat to make him obey me. Also, I know when he turns 24, he will behave like this. So I am waiting for him to turn 24.
2007-03-27 00:58:18 · answer #6 · answered by r_govardhanam 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're 24. It's time. As long as you're seeking his approval you'll always be in this kind of relationship - it's called being "co-dependent".
2007-03-27 00:54:34 · answer #7 · answered by J F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would sit down && have a stern talk with him about how you are 24 && not 14! my cousin is 24 && still lives with his parents && sister but he doesnt want to move out..do u think you could handle living on your own?!
2007-03-27 00:54:28 · answer #8 · answered by Victoria <3! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well at 24 you should be on your own, but if its not financially feesable for you to do so then i can understand, but if your living under his roof, its his rules to go by.. but he shouldnt control every move you make.. try and move out, get a place of your own.. spend less time around him, try talking to him, but you need your own life, he wont be around forever
2007-03-27 00:58:58 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's probably tired of paying your way. Your 24, what are you waiting for. Yes move out.
2007-03-27 00:55:05 · answer #10 · answered by CrazyEddy06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋